Don’t say the D word

Hiii joonjoons,

We decided that tonight we would take a little break from the SEX and BLOW JOBS- keeping shock value at a minimum ;)

Growing up, my parents were the epitome of Iranian parents & “poz-dadan” (show-off) .

My mom had a BOMB ass home cooked meal ready on the table by the time my dad got home from work every night.  They had an active social life going to mehmoonis (parties) on a regular basis and spending hours talking to their friends about what the fuck that one bitch was wearing at the last one (obvs- more so mom than dad).  On the outside, they were the perfect couple.  Happy, loving… bullshit.

Fake love is everywhere– Zac’s gay (sorry ladies).

The second we would get back into the car to go home from the mehmooni, the bickering started.  My mom would bitch at my dad and my dad would ignore her causing her to get more agitated.  It wasn’t until high school, when the fighting really started getting out of hand.  Nightly dinners were still prepared, but we ate in silence or rather… I ate in silence while my parents yelled at each other.  My mother being the typical Peeersian drama queen would yell, talk shit and throw things, while my dad just sat there and took it.  Luckily, my brother was too young to remember these times.  But I wasn’t.  I remember.

Dueling it out….kids in the car.

For the longest time, I fantasized about the day when my mom (or dad) would grow some balls and either work their issues out or just call it quits.  I remember eavesdropping on my mother’s phone conversations to her family in Iran where she would emphasize, “No, I’m absolutely not happy- I want to kill him.  I am only staying with him for my kids.”  BIGGEST BULLSHIT STATEMENT EVER.

Don’t ever think that KIDS are stupid enough to not know what’s going on. Don’t think that kids are stupid enough to believe that its normal for parents to fight. And most importantly, don’t think kids are stupid enough to not feel the tension that fills the room even when parents pretend like everything is normal.

We aren’t stupid.

OK minus him, he might be a little stupid. Akheyy

I was 16 years old when I asked my mom to divorce my dad.

I was tired of the yelling.  I was tired of dreading to have to leave school and go back to the house of hell.  But even more so- I didn’t want my little brother to have grow up with angry, bitter parents like I did.  Whether some parents realize it or not (or most often– later rather than sooner), their actions towards one another sets an example: My parent’s horrible relationship would have only taught my brother that “Yes, it is okay to talk to your wife like that” and “Yes, marriage is just a contract, you don’t have to respect each other.”

Of course, after my family owned up to their issues and decided to do what IS best for their kids (the D word), it set off the gossip stream throughout the Iranian community.  Some of my mother’s closest friends shunned her (Ten years later, I’m still disgusted). Their response?

“How can you leave him? What are YOU going to do?”

And worst of all, people chose sides and it was rarely my mother’s side that was chosen.  I was so MAD when I saw the way her so-called FRIENDS treated her after the divorce until I realized one thing:

#wisdom

It took several years before my parent’s Persian “friends” were able to act normal with them. And the FUNNIEST PART was my mother started a trend within our little Persian community.  At least three other families who didn’t have the balls to own up to their issues ended up getting divorced (or “legally separated” aka divorce without the commitment) after my parents did.

The Iranian community puts a huge emphasis on family, but:

why can’t we still be a happy, functioning family even if our parents aren’t together?

My father stepped up in ways he had never stepped up before the divorce.  He actually started to make an effort to be PRESENT in both my life and my brother’s.  Not just that, my relationship improved tremendously with both my parents after they broke up.  Its almost a similar concept as having sex before marriage:

sometimes tradition isn’t RIGHT.

Everyone leads different lives and its up to us to be able to be strong enough to roll with the punches and make the right decisions.  (And no, “right decision” does not mean what your mother or “God” told you, it means: what makes YOU happy).

An Award-winning film that deals with the ‘D’ word: less melodrama, and more REALISM.

A Separation

 

Are you going to go after what you believe in or are you going to shun me because I do? Let us know- we loooove hearing from our precious joonies:

FACEBOOK US

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

Here’s to bashing tradition,

Farrah فراه
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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Persians love drama, so much, that my parents filed for divorce 2 months before my wedding. I can write a whole book on how the best time of my life, turned out to be the worst. The wedding is over now, and my parents decided to give there loveless marriage a 2nd chance when they realized “Life is full of fake people” and everyone backed off, but the mental shit my parents put me through during my engagement and wedding has fucked me for life. I also wish they got a divorce when I begged them in high school and college, but no, they had to wait until it was the happiest time in my life.

    Persian parents….I swear I’ll never be like them.

  2. ^ Badbakht :(
    Great post though.

  3. LMAO at the caption on the kid in the toilet picture.

  4. I liked the points made here, I have gone through divorce and the dilemma of staying in a troubled life that would not get better for the sake of my family life or move on to find a happier life. the one point I find not so agreeable to my point of view in this blog is that when the parents do not want to face the reality of themselves and the mistakes they have made, they put the responsibility on the kids. I’m not saying all, but most of the parents who were not ready to get divorced for absolutely personal reasons, they always blame it on the kids and claim that they stayed in the relationship for the sake of the kids and I think that is the biggest lie they tell their kids. Worse than lying I think is that they try to score points with their kids by lying to them and make them feel guilty and in debt to them for eternity. they did not get divorced on all those occasions because they were confused, not ready, scared, and to some degrees concerned for the future of their kids. I see some really fake people who continue that lie even after the divorec. ” I don’t get married, although I have plenty of opportunities because I still have unmarried kids at home”! to me that is the biggest lie they tell to themselves and their kids and their so called friends. these poeple do not know how to be truthfu, period. I agree with you in one aspect though, fake people ruin everybodys’ lives and they are all around us. Persians need to learn how to be frank and unfortunately we don’t know how to do that.

  5. Lawd, this post sounds all too familiar, especially the “I am only staying with him for my kids” bullshit. Long story short, my dad was a huge asshole to my mom; My mom, on the other hand, was a complete saint. As a result, I had been begging her to divorce him since the age of 7. OH, and my dad used to tell me, “Remember, marriage is a business contract!” Yeah, no. I’ll stick with either marrying for love and not having to deal with half the crap you put my mom through or being alone forever with a thousands cats.

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  1. […] my parents divorced (click here), things got a little worst.  My mother’s denial spiraled out of control and the occasional […]

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