Its funny how it starts. When we first lose our virginity, we’re all just fucking nervous. Am I supposed to put my leg here? My arm there? Where the hell am I supposed to LOOK?! The pressure is insurmountable. We’re not just nervous about getting our hearts broken, but we are worried about what lies we can come up with if our parents find out.
But, once the pressure subsides… its gets a bit easier from there. We learn. We figure out where our arms and legs go. As for where to look? Just keep your damn eyes closed… jk. But you get my drift.
The best part? It starts to feel really good. We start to become comfortable enough to experiment. Experimenting is always fun… until the guy takes it too far.
I was dating this guy for a few months and it seemed promising: No stripper-esque qualities (click here), family-oriented, smart, any Persian girl’s dream man. He was even a bit light on the hairy-ness. So after a few months of courting, I decided it was time to… give it up… beat cakes… knock boots… FUCK. The first time was cool. We were just getting to know each other sooo we were still trying to please each other. Then he got comfortable.
One night, halfway through sex… he says, “SLAP ME.” I thought maybe he was just trying to dirty talk me and I thought if I ignored it, he would realize I’m not into that kind of dirty talk.
But he didn’t stop.
He kept saying, “slap me… slap me,” getting louder each time. Until…
I slapped him.
I still cringe when I think about it. It was probably the most awkward sexual experience I’ve ever had. What the fuck do you do after you slap someone? Just keep going? YOU LOSE RHYTHM!
I awkwardly tried to get back into “rhythm” and keep going, but ALL I could think about the entire time was the slap. Of course, he was just fine throughout it… like nothing had happened. But from that moment on, I dreaded sex with him because I knew he would always ask me to … “slap him” and frankly, I just didn’t want to slap whoever I was fucking across the face.
I know sometimes we like to experiment- God knows I do (I’m Persian, didn’t you hear? We’re all “freaks”): spanked a little, and hey, I’m even down for a little choke-age (choking, jk)… but SLAP?! Its not like I’m mad at you. Why do we have to fight during sex?
I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to slap someone. REALLY smack someone out of anger… just bitch-slap the shit out of them. BUT NOT DURING SEX. Can we just leave that for the fights and then FOLLOW with sex? That’d be great, thanks.
Obviously, it didn’t work between me and Mr. Slap Fetish. The thing with experimenting and trying new things is this:
The pleasure and feeling of sex is great, but if the REASON for sex is lost amongst the “extra stuff,” then it can be damaging to your relationship.
Fantasies during sex or about sex aren’t just fun, they’re exciting. But, certain fantasies can be destructive and its important to be able to be secure enough to communicate, as lame it sounds. You don’t want to ruin a relationship because you’re worried that one day, the slap your sweet boyfriend keeps asking for during intercourse can one day transform into a punch in the face.
Trust me, rough sex is fun… but you don’t want to go to class or work the next day with a black eye because your lover retaliated all while claiming to be “passionate.”
There are definitely extremes to EVERYTHING– sex, relationships, even with simple things like studying (ever heard of adderol to enhance your memorizing abilities). Its important to be able to find a balance so you don’t scare your partner away like Mr. Slap Fetish scared me away.