Independence is Not a Crime

Hihihihi jooooooooons,

HAPPY FRIDAY!  Finally, a three-day weekend.  Its been too long.  I’ve had an especially shitty week.  On top of work (ugh), I had to deal with post-relationship distress.

You see, not too long ago, my boyfriend dumped my ass because I got a job before him.  I mean, I get it… to an extent.  Here I am, new in town, and I pull a job at one of the most prominent companies in the U.S. My dream job. He has his Master’s degree… and has been looking for a job for almost two years, with NO lead in sight.  Its dumb luck really (or I’m just that great).

ANYWAY, when he breaks up with me, he says he doesn’t want to be with anyone until he can get his professional shit together.  Okay, I accept.

Last night, he says he’s dating someone new.  STILL NO JOB IN HAND.  What does she do?

She went to his high school in some butthole town in a random ass state, and is now a Kindergarten teacher.

I have nothing against teachers, because where I would be without them? Oh yeah, on the streets.  But here is my problem:

He picked someone that would never be his competition.  She will always be his subordinate, he will always be higher than her even if he has a hard time finding a job- she ain’t got shit on him.

CLASSY.

Deal with it

But me?  I’m different– I’m not like that.  I will never put a man before my professional career and that’s just how I was raised.  Was I supposed to turn the job down because he might break up with me? NO.

Here is the deal:  if you’re really a MAN, then no matter what life throws your way- you should be able to handle it.  Even if your girlfriend or wife does better than you professionally.  Screw this bullshit stereotype that teaches us that MEN have to be the successful ones.

Even on TV, you watch these lame ass shows about women who are the top dogs at their company yet they’re always alone. And for some reason, they’re always depicted as unhappy.  

Why?

Men are taught to be chauvinistic pigs.

They learn early in life that if they can’t be the breadwinner then something is WRONG with them.  And if women are killing it in their careers, then they’re a heartless bitch.

 It is NOT our job to be submissive… it is NOT our job to be VIRGINS, it is our destiny to improve. This stigma that we have to be less than our men is the age old story, and I am fucking tired of it.

Now that we have it we’re a lost cause?

Its time for a new story.

I’m tired of hearing about how couples like “Seal and Heidi Klum” got divorced because she was doing better in her career than him.  Or that Oprah isn’t married because she’s just “too successful“– when in reality: MAYBE SHE JUST SUCKS IN BED!  I’m tired of hearing that if I choose to excel at my job, then I might never have a family.

But most of all, I’m tired of the fear.

Do I have to be in a stagnant position just to ensure that my personal life is successful?

How does that make any sense? 

ESPECIALLY as Persian women, we are automatically supposed to know how to cook, sew and be child raising  professionals.  On top of that, we are expected to remain sexually inexperienced.  Why?  Well that’s what womanhood is right?  Its “CUTE” to be a virgin.  Guys like that.

Guys want us to be innocent with no job in hand and an untouched hole. What a bunch of gender bias bullshit.

May not be parallel, but they intersect

Dear ALL MEN (especially Persian men),

If you want to be THE MAN, the sexy, confident, successful man that we all want at our side, then you should be happy for your woman… don’t overcompensate by choosing someone below you.  Be with someone who challenges you, motivates you.  Its the twenty-first fucking century- it ain’t 1945, so stop acting like a douche.

And women:  Excel.  Be motivated. Don’t just be good at your job, be great at it.  Its a new time- as women, we are all standing up and fighting for our place.  Even women in Iran are fighting to make a difference– women in Iran attend University at a higher rate than men do.  It was the women of Iran who first organized the Green Movement and motivated the people to go to the streets to FIGHT for what they believe in.

#wisdom

So ex boyfriend, I’ll leave you with this– I hope you marry Miss Kindergarten, really I do.  She’s MY subordinate, and you really don’t deserve to be with anyone at my level. sorryboutit.

Its time to stop being a little bitch.

MAN THE FUCK UP PEOPLE.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

Love,

FARRAH فرح

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Comments

  1. i totally agree with this article. if he’s intimidated by the fact that you are more “successful” (how do we define succesful anyways?), then he is immature, and not a man, but a boy. But I just don’t understand why it is linked to virginity here. I know virginity is a bigger deal in Iranian culture, but I don’t think it’s relevant to this article. Anyways, well said Farrah :)

    • Dear Elnaz,

      I was trying to make the distinction that within our culture, not only is our success defined by our husband (who we marry), but our potential husbands will judge us on whether or not we are submissive and I think that virginity plays a hand in that. If we are strong, independent women who enjoy sex… sometimes it scares them away. I’m sorry if that wasn’t more clear and I appreciate your feedback :) maybe we should just dedicate a post to the whole virginity issue :)

      Love,

      Farrah

      • You are such a sweetheart and I know what you mean. Sorry, I hope you don’t think I am just picking out flaws with your writing…I love it and I share it with others on facebook. I just posted a link to the Persian shopaholic article :) But I guess, like any great argument, it encouraged discussion…and personally, I think the virginity issue is less prominent in Iranian immigrant culture now. And I personally do not think that being a virgin, or less sexually “experienced” (as in having had less partners) means you are less of an independent woman or you have “discovered yourself” less. I just personally disagreed with linking the virginity issue to being less “successful” professionally. But I love this post…seriously, as Neeki said: “word.” And, yes, do dedicate a post to the virginity issue, because I am sure it would be hilarious and true :)

  2. word.

  3. Hi Farrah!

    I just recently heard about this blog and I will go ahead and say that I am IN LOVE with it. I have never commented on a blog before, and the only reason I am doing this is because I wanted to share some thoughts with you about this most recent post. I completely agree with the message of this post regarding the struggles of successful, independent women. There are always going to be losers who can’t handle it and it is always due to their own issues and insecurities. When I was an engineer I could literally see guys taking steps backwards when I told them that I was an engineer, and I quickly decided that I preferred for them to keep walking away so I would’t have to deal with their shit. What I had hard time with in this article is that you have made an example of this teacher as being subordinate because she chose to be a teacher instead of being in the corporate world (as just an example of a “successful career”). This is a stigma that we need to change as progressive, modern Persian women. I worked as an electrical engineer for 3 years after undergrad and was excelling at my job when I realized that I wanted to change career paths to become a teacher in an underrepresented community. I decided to make this change because I was becoming increasingly aware of the lack of good teachers in urban/low socioeconomic areas. According to the traditional Persians I took a step down from being a mohandess (engineer) to being “just a teacher”. So, when you say “don’t overcompensate by choosing someone below you” it is keeping in line with this idea that only those who can’t do teach. This mentality needs to be changed, especially in the Persian community where there are so many smart, capable people who could really make a difference in the struggling world of education. I understand that if you are using monetary status as a gauge for success then you are right, but I believe that we all want to leave a mark on this world; and one of the best ways to do it is by changing lives every day. Teaching is not for everyone, and I am not saying that being a teacher is any better than being a successful lawyer or business woman. All I am saying is that we should not be counted as being below others either. I honestly do not think the intention of your post was to put teachers down, and the message in your post is so right. Unfortunately, this idea of the low status of teachers is so prominent that I feel as though sometimes it just needs to be brought to the attention of people, who if shown otherwise, might think twice before using teachers as an example of a career that is beneath that of more monetarily successful careers.

    Stepping down from my soap box now ;)

    -Nika

  4. Dear Nika,

    Thank you so much for your post- we are so glad that you enjoy our blog! I would like to first apologize to you. My intent was NOT at all to say that teachers are lower than anyone. In fact, my younger sister is an aspiring kindergarten teacher- and I think the world of her- especially when I see the way she interacts with kids and how they respond to her- its truly a gift, one that I myself, don’t have. And aside from my sister, my father is also a teacher. Additionally, many of my own teachers have played integral parts in my life (aside from just lecturing) and I owe MANY of them for where I am today- because if it hadn’t been for THEIR encouragement- i would never have had the guts to take risks.

    That being said, through this post- I was trying to show that successful women (and as Elnaz pointed out- success can be defined in many ways) are sometimes “punished.” Unfortunately, I had to use an example of someone who didn’t deserve it (kindergarten teacher), but I wanted to prove a point. And I could have proven this point if she had been a lawyer, or a waitress, or whatever else– HE chose someone drastically different— and by different, I mean that they don’t have common “professional” interests, therefore she will not be competition for him.

    I apologize if this offended you- this was not AT ALL my intent. I truly look up to you for the career choices that you have made- it really is inspiring that you changed paths to help those who need it. And I hope that you can understand that through my post, I only wanted to illustrate that sometimes guys go for someone who they know can’t compete with them. And it is exactly that insecurity I wanted to exploit through this post.

    I appreciate your feedback and hope that you will continue reading :)

    Love,

    Farrah

  5. Adam Cameron says:

    Great post; here’s hoping you don’t run into too many more of these types of guys. I’m a non-Iranian man, but the issues y’all discuss here really speak to me as well (I know the language and a bit about the culture because of my job with Iranian refugees in LA, so maybe that helps, but still). Y’all should do a bit on the article The Atlantic ran recently about the Iranian women learning ninjitsu, and other Orientalist pieces of war propaganda going around. Keep up the great work!

  6. This rant is partially out of jealousy.

  7. Times like these make you want to burn down the world we live in

Trackbacks

  1. […] being able to have sex with someone I trust because society may think of less of me.  I’m an INDEPENDENT woman, who gives a shit what YOU have to say about it!  But most of all, I’m tired of just […]

  2. […] of this.  As if dumping me because I got a job before him isn’t evident enough of his overcompensating problems … even now as “friends,” we never talk about me.  He’s not MY […]

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