I originally wanted to start this post off by talking about how innocent I am. But, I’m not— I’m a Sex and Fessenjoon FIEND and you would know that if you followed me ;)
I’m pretty strict about no sex before a relationship especially if I’m seeing someone that I like, which doesn’t happen often. And I make it a point to not fuck the guy (not verbally- I’m not that psycho) no matter how bad I want to jump him:
Because sex is great. And even though I had to fuck a few idiots before getting it right– it was always worth it. But let’s be real, as women we get judged if we’ve had too many partners. If a guy has fucked 10 or even 40 plus, they’re a player. But we’re hoes and we never like being called a slore (slut + whore).
So if you’re like me and you’re picky about who you choose to commit to then that means you lead a life of celibacy and it sucks.
Women need to get laid too. We have needs and sometimes masturbating just doesn’t cut it.
While I may not want to increase my number- I’m really sick of not being able to have sex with someone I trust because society may think of less of me. I’m an INDEPENDENT woman, who gives a shit what YOU have to say about it! But most of all, I’m tired of just being horny. Solution?
Friends with Benefits.
Before I get into the gory (but wonderful) details, there is something important to remember:
Just because you’re single and horny DOESN’T mean you should do everything in sight. Friends with benefits only work if you follow a few simple rules:
(1). Find someone you trust. SOMEONE CLEAN and who clips their nails (because guys with long nails are gross).
(2). Prepare yourself. You should already be aware of the fact that you’re only f#cking him, you’re not falling in love with him. Keeping that emotional bond separate from your sex life in situations like this is important. So make sure you’re physically attracted to him, NOT emotionally.
(3). Put it all on the table. LITERALLY- no I’m kidding– (kinda). Talk about it with him before doing it. I don’t mean to have a drawn out, hours long conversation. But just keep it real. Make sure you’re both on the same page before diving in.
When I was in college, I didn’t want a boyfriend. I knew I wouldn’t be staying after graduation– I wanted to move on to bigger and better things. So I steered clear from commitment because I didn’t want anyone to hold me back from my future. I had two close friends in college- both Persian males. With one, I had an emotional/platonic relationship. He was like my brother- we talked to each other about our personal lives and even to this day, I still consider him one of my close friends even if we don’t talk everyday.
But the other… Well, we were/are close too. We shared personal stories with one another, but it wasn’t just platonic. I was attracted to him and I wanted it. Bad.
He’s a hottie and he had #swag. We always joked about sex but neither of us ever had the balls to actually do it. Until one night, we got drunk and he came home with me. And it was great because we didn’t worry about being “shy” or trying to act all “innocent.”
We were just in it for the ass.
We became friends with benefits, and continued it until I graduated from college and moved away. The best part: it was never awkward because we were both on the same page. He knew that I didn’t want anything more from him and while I loved him as my friend, I knew I wasn’t IN love with him.
Most importantly, we were still able to hang out with our friends without them even realizing that we were fucking on the side. Okay fine, they knew. But we were still able to kick it without anyone feeling weird.
Until I moved across the country and now I only see him maybe twice a year. Oh well. Friends with benefits are people too and we’ve been able to maintain a friendship (minus the sex).
But you see, I got lucky. I got lucky that I was friends with someone who was man enough to RECOGNIZE that I wouldn’t end up wanting to be his wife.
Unfortunately, some guys are SO STUCK UP THEIR ASSES that they actually think if they grace us with their penis, we will fall madly in love with them.
What’s even more annoying: they think that if they decide not to fuck us anymore, we’re going to get crazy.
They actually think their penis is so great that if they take it away, we’re going to turn in that jealous, psycho ex. Um no. Let’s get a few things straight:
(1). If I wanted to be your girlfriend, I wouldn’t be sleeping with you. I’m smart enough to know to NEVER give it up that easily.
(2). We’re not always the ones with the attachment issues.
So MEN– check yourself before you decide to deflect your insecure bullshit onto us and blame us for what you didn’t get from your last woman.
(3). Just because you’re hot doesn’t mean I want your babies. So stop being a doodool-tala (golden penis complex) and just fuck me.
I like where my life is going and I like not knowing what’s next. But most importantly, I have Saaghi to fill any void that I might need filled from a man…. minus the sex. So I went to a good friend and proposed the idea of benefitting from one another.
I mentioned it because we ALWAYS talked about sex.
He flipped out and while he “is down,” he “can be an asshole sometimes” and “doesn’t want to hurt me.”
I CAN BE AN ASSHOLE TOO.
I’m a big girl, I don’t need you to watch out for me- my Irooni daddy does a good job of that already.
Just because you’ve broken a few hearts doesn’t mean you’re going to break mine. So step off your pedestal and get back to reality.
So joonies, this post isn’t to tell you to go fuck randoms because truly, I’m not into that. And like I’ve said before– we’re Persian- we don’t do trashy.
BUT, I think its time someone told these “men” to STOP OVERANALYZING.
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