MAKE IT RAIN, ITS 1391

JOONS, we can’t claim we rep Iranian/Persian roots if we don’t put up a NOWROUZ/Norooz/EID post.

We’re taking a minute out of our super busy day (who else left cleaning and showering for the last minute?) to wish you all a very Happy New Year.

1391 style.

No not 1391 A.D, That would be the Spanish Inquisition.

And we all know what we’re actually looking forward to- if you’re lucky to be considered young/or doodool tala-d enough to get it– the eideey  (crisp CASH MONEY $$$)

Which, once received, will be used wisely. Put into the savings account. A Charity. The College Fund. the Post-Colleg Fund. Debt.

….

Yeah- NO. More like:

Shopping.

Food.

& MAKING IT RAIN. (Thats why its gotta be crisp, duh)

image

While every family has a HAFT SIN-7 S’s. (we love alliteration, white people, beware.) …..

The S&F TEAM has a unique version of the 7 S’s that will help you for the next 14 days of new years celebrations.

Here we go:

1. SAY Happy New Year to everyone, even if they are not Persian. Its a great conversation starter once you get past the initial “what the fuck its March” look. Imagine the hottie you can charm when you try to explain to him why its 1391 in your culture.

2. SEX it up. It’s hunting season, kids.  And if you think by sex it up we mean fishnets and whips, clearly you’re new to the blog :)

3. SAVE the trash talking for your momma. seriously. You’re going to see so many people, and the temptation to talk some extra sh!t will be there but a) due to the increase in mehmoonis/parties this time of year, it will get back to them and b):

If you gossip with your mom she’ll definitely love you a little more.

4. SWAG

5. SATISFY your desires… and we don’t necessarily mean sexual desires, but your stomach.  Enjoy that sabzi polo ba mahi and shirinis that are going to be shoved down your throat anyway- because we all know how Persian mothers love to feed their jooooons.

6. SEE all your friends and family.  If you’re anything like us, then you try to escape any Persian party you can because let’s be honest, who really wants to sit through all that?  But Persian New Year’s is a time to put with that sh*t and appreciate.  Plus who knows, maybe that hot rebel son is back from college and is just “s”alivating at the thought of seeing you again too.   

7. SEIZE THE MOMENT. 

Here’s a real throwback: Farhad, the OG Rockstar of Iran– singing the OG ‘Booye Eidi’

(learn this, and you’ll be a real hit with the fam)

Anyway, instead of writing about our own Norooz mishaps, we wanna hear how you ring in the New Year? Or better yet, tell us some of your embarrassing moments.  Ever forced to sing “Gole Sangam” in front of your entire community?  scarredforlife? 

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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Rockin’ it since 1390,

THE S&F TEAM
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