I’m going to bring us back for a second… to sex. Because let’s just be real– we like that sh*t (at least Saaghi and I do).
Let’s cut right to it, we’re Persian girls and MOST of the time, we like Persian boys. In fact, if we deviate from the standard mama loving Irooni pesar then we are rebels.
Oh yeah, she likes ARABS.
She’s going through some Sia phase right now.
It’s never completely acceptable for us to deter from what our mothers taught us: a Persian man vill be your future hus-baaand, fahimidi?
But what about the Persian boys? What do they learn growing up?
DATE THE VIRGIN. BRING THE VIRGIN HOME TO MADAR. MARRY THE VIRGIN.
Here’s what many Persian boys think about when they first find out you’ve had sex: “How many people has she been with? She’s down for sex?!!! ……..What am I going to tell my mamanie?“
Okay, that’s a somewhat an exaggeration but you get the idea: so many Persian guys f*ck the girl who’s down for it then marry the good little Persian girl.
If we’re Middle Eastern/Muslim girls who’ve had or like sex, then we’re not normal… we’re progressive.
What’s this obsession with ending up with the good little Persian girl? But most importantly, why are we suddenly deemed irrelevant or unsuitable if we’ve had sex?
Remember when you lost your virginity? How awkward.
No one knew where to put their limbs or whether they should go fast or slow… It takes forever to finally get comfortable with sex- before you can really start to appreciate how great it feels or how much fun it is.
I don’t understand this fascination… or need to end up with a virgin because I’ve been there. I know what it’s like.
Several years ago, I had just moved home from college and I reconnected with an old high school friend that I ran into outside the pizza place in our hometown. We started hanging out, and I didn’t really know what was going on until he kissed me one night.
As things progressed and he became my boyfriend, he confessed that he was still a virgin because he’d been waiting for the “right girl” to come along.
For some reason, he thought that tattoo’ed, straight B student, Farrah was the “right one.”
So since HE was the virgin, he said, “NOW,” and it happened. We had the sex.
There was our first problem: He suddenly became the dictator of our sex life.
I was continuously feeling this overwhelming feeling of guilt: “I don’t want to pressure him,” and “This is going to be so important to him so I better stick around for the long run…” that suddenly, I had no say in where/when we had sex– OR where the relationship was going.
The cards were all in his hands.
I’m not really the type that puts out whenever the guy says so… actually, I like being a laj-baaz (TEASE/POWERHUNGRY) so the fact that he suddenly had all the power, which resulted in my constant guilt doomed us from the start.
But of course, that’s not all.
Like most inexperienced people (especially at age 24), he started acting like a high school child in love.
It’s the same as when you have your first relationship ever and you think that this is IT, you guys are meant to be together “forever.” I was suddenly back in that relationship in my mid-20s and it’s really not as fun as when you’re in high school #truestory.
He became possessive– he wanted me to spend all my time with him and he started imagining what our life could be like. “You could be the secretary at the organization across the street from my work.”
That’s not how I see my future.
Three weeks into the relationship… “Come meet my mother.“
“You’re moving away? Maybe after I get my Master’s this summer, I can move in with you.“
Homie, you’ve been my boyfriend for three weeks. Take. It. Easy.
And that’s not all. In addition to consistently having to baby him through every “well thought” (sarcasm) decision he attempted to make, I had to baby him in bed.
Poor guy was still learning, and he was embarrassed about the prospect of sucking in bed (no pun intended)– so instead of being able to do what I like, I had to cheer him on so he wouldn’t freak the f*ck out.
“Yeah baby. Good job!”
He suddenly fast-forwarded our relationship and jam packed three years into three weeks. Needless to say, we didn’t last when I moved out of state and he was “heartbroken.” At first, I felt terrible- I felt so bad that he waited this long to lose his virginity and then I ended up being a major buzzkill for him.
But here’s the truth:
You need experiences before you can make informed decisions about your future.
This applies to anything: sex, school, love, major, marriage, career.
When you’re having sex or falling in love for the first time– every emotion is heightened because it’s your first. While that may be preferred for some people, it doesn’t work for me and I can’t understand the appeal in marrying the virgin girl who’s going to treat her 30 year old husband like her high school sweetheart …
Until she snaps back to reality.
So you tell me– am I crazy? Are all virgin experiences like this one or am I just really good at picking doodool-talas?
TUMBLE US: SEXANDFESSENJOON.TUMBLR.COM
Follow me on Twitter if you broke a virgin too: @Farrah_Joon