Good Little Persian Boy

JOOOOONIES.

I’m going to bring us back for a second… to sex.  Because let’s just be real– we like that sh*t (at least Saaghi and I do).

Let’s cut right to it, we’re Persian girls and MOST of the time, we like Persian boys.  In fact, if we deviate from the standard mama loving Irooni pesar then we are rebels.

Oh yeah, she likes ARABS.

or

She’s going through some Sia phase right now.

It’s never completely acceptable for us to deter from what our mothers taught us: a Persian man vill be your future hus-baaand, fahimidi? 

Off limits… 

But what about the Persian boys? What do they learn growing up?

DATE THE VIRGIN.  BRING THE VIRGIN HOME TO MADAR.  MARRY THE VIRGIN.  

Here’s what many Persian boys think about when they first find out you’ve had sex: “How many people has she been with?  She’s down for sex?!!! ……..What am I going to tell my mamanie?

Okay, that’s a somewhat an exaggeration but you get the idea: so many Persian guys f*ck the girl who’s down for it then marry the good little Persian girl.

If we’re Middle Eastern/Muslim girls who’ve had or like sex, then we’re not normal… we’re progressive.

Do me… I’m progressive baby

What’s this obsession with ending up with the good little Persian girl?  But most importantly, why are we suddenly deemed irrelevant or unsuitable if we’ve had sex?

Remember when you lost your virginity?  How awkward.

No one knew where to put their limbs or whether they should go fast or slow… It takes forever to finally get comfortable with sex- before you can really start to appreciate how great it feels or how much fun it is.

Five years later…

I don’t understand this fascination… or need to end up with a virgin because I’ve been there.  I know what it’s like.

Several years ago, I had just moved home from college and I reconnected with an old high school friend that I ran into outside the pizza place in our hometown.  We started hanging out, and I didn’t really know what was going on until he kissed me one night.

As things progressed and he became my boyfriend, he confessed that he was still a virgin because he’d been waiting for the “right girl” to come along.

For some reason, he thought that tattoo’ed, straight B student, Farrah was the “right one.”

I don’t look like this

So since HE was the virgin, he said, “NOW,” and it happened.  We had the sex.

There was our first problem: He suddenly became the dictator of our sex life.

I was continuously feeling this overwhelming feeling of guilt: “I don’t want to pressure him,” and “This is going to be so important to him so I better stick around for the long run…” that suddenly, I had no say in where/when we had sex– OR where the relationship was going.

The cards were all in his hands.

I’m not really the type that puts out whenever the guy says so… actually, I like being a laj-baaz (TEASE/POWERHUNGRY) so the fact that he suddenly had all the power, which resulted in my constant guilt doomed us from the start.

But of course, that’s not all.

Like most inexperienced people (especially at age 24), he started acting like a high school child in love.

It’s the same as when you have your first relationship ever and you think that this is IT, you guys are meant to be together “forever.”  I was suddenly back in that relationship in my mid-20s and it’s really not as fun as when you’re in high school #truestory.

We’re getting married next week

He became possessive– he wanted me to spend all my time with him and he started imagining what our life could be like.  “You could be the secretary at the organization across the street from my work.”

That’s not how I see my future.

Three weeks into the relationship… “Come meet my mother.

No.

You’re moving away? Maybe after I get my Master’s this summer, I can move in with you.

Homie, you’ve been my boyfriend for three weeks.  Take. It. Easy.

And that’s not all.  In addition to consistently having to baby him through every “well thought” (sarcasm) decision he attempted to make, I had to baby him in bed.

Poor guy was still learning, and he was embarrassed about the prospect of sucking in bed (no pun intended)– so instead of being able to do what I like, I had to cheer him on so he wouldn’t freak the f*ck out.

“Yeah baby. Good job!”

……. #awkward

He suddenly fast-forwarded our relationship and jam packed three years into three weeks.  Needless to say, we didn’t last when I moved out of state and he was “heartbroken.”  At first, I felt terrible- I felt so bad that he waited this long to lose his virginity and then I ended up being a major buzzkill for him.

But here’s the truth:

You need experiences before you can make informed decisions about your future.

This applies to anything: sex, school, love, major, marriage, career.

When you’re having sex or falling in love for the first time– every emotion is heightened because it’s your first. While that may be preferred for some people, it doesn’t work for me and I can’t understand the appeal in marrying the virgin girl who’s going to treat her 30 year old husband like her high school sweetheart …

Until she snaps back to reality.

So you tell me– am I crazy? Are all virgin experiences like this one or am I just really good at picking doodool-talas?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

TUMBLE US: SEXANDFESSENJOON.TUMBLR.COM

FACEBOOK US

Follow me on Twitter if you broke a virgin too: @Farrah_Joon

XOXO,

FARRAH فرح
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Comments

  1. sohrab esfandiar says:

    definitely agree that experience matters in every sphere of life. of course you have to have lots of sex to get good at it, fail a lot at work to get where you wanna go, have lots of relationships before you figure out what works for you.

    but your post really hits home in another way.

    i’m a 29 year old iranian-american and i’m relatively inexperienced at love/relationship/sex — not as bad as mr 24 — but still bad. i’ve only had 3 girlfriends, none of whom i really loved, have had sex with only 5, and overall have just really underperformed in that area of life.

    and it kills me, cause fem friends tell me i’m very attractive, i’m wildly successful, and girls are generally all over me. i dated 3 models in 2011, none of them worked out.

    the baggage is just too heavy. i came from a violent and emotionally abusive fam, and my social confidence is just wiped out, it’s just the result of constantly being told i’m not good enough by the ones that were supposed to love me unconditionally. guess life fucks everyone – we’re all walking wounded.

  2. Billy Django says:

    Sohrab,

    My sympathies. Twice married, both times divorced, a plethora of relationships that failed. And yeah, sex here and there. And I did suffer. Abusive fam, whole bunch of other crap. But what I realized last year was that I was simply putting too much pressure on myself. I’m still young…

    I don’t need to get married or engaged or have a long-term relationship. I can focus on my career and maybe get more education when I can afford it. I’m in no rush to speed things up. Slow down, there’s a shy girl for every shy guy.

    Damn, I’m not giving out dating advice here! grr, ask Saaghi or Farrah.

    But I think what this reminded me of was actually learning how to do things. I always do new things slowly. It’s not that I’m not over-confident. I am. But in my over-confidence, I tend to think if I can do things slowly, I’ll be able to master them more easily.

    The first time I kissed someone – and the first few times after that – I don’t remember how good or bad I was, but I remember the girl not saying anything. But I did notice that she was being very slow and methodical. Like idk, very slowly. And it was ‘insta-boner’ for me. So when I was with someone else, I did the slow thang and she was all, “baby, my panties are pointing towards my need for some bam bam!” :S

    #Trufax

    Men: If yer new or if you’re inexperienced, go slow… Like very slow, both with foreplay and the act of baby-making sheathed in rubbah! If the girl – or guy if you are an invisible gay dude cuz there’s no GAY IRANIANS! – wants you to pick up the speed, you can. Let her know that you are willing to do things that she likes. For a minute, stop being a jerk and quietly whisper something like, “Um, what do you like, baby?” Trust me, even if you fail to please her, the effort will get you head in the car next time. :E

    Women: Don’t listen to me. I’m a guy. Talk to Oprah.

  3. I really don’t think that “experience” is needed, at least not this kind. I see how here in the West people have “progressive” attitudes towards male-female relationships, but honestly all this “experience” does is make people cynical and less willing to commit and rough it out when the relationship really counts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging you, my point is simply that this approach to relationships, in my opinion, is not the best, at least not for everyone.
    And I agree, this obsession with virginity is a little ridiculous and in my opinion childish. Especially since it seems a lot of these guys searching for virgin wives, aren’t virgins themselves…there is deff a double standard.

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