Listen or Die

Hihi jooooonie joons,

Ugh only Tuesday? I wish it was the weekend already.  Work hard, play harder… But I can’t play when people expect legit sh*t from me, that’s just how it is.  Can’t get away with a semi-hangover when reality is ready to kick your ass.

At least that’s what my pedar (father) always says.  According to him, “Farrah, you should only go out vonce on de veekend othervise you vill be too tired to get your vork done.”

Um yeah, thanks Baba.

“Ter-ust me, I know best dige.”

Cool.

Did I mention that my daddy goes out to play ALL WEEKEND. In fact, he has weekly ping pong (wtf) and poker nights.

I alvays vin Farrah joon

My Irooni father is like MOST Iranian/MidEastern fathers- he “knows best” therefore, I better do exactly what he says otherwise I’m basically going to suck at life.

If S&F has been ANY indication whatsoever to you, I don’t exactly listen to my Baba and I made it pretty clear after high school, because unlike most Irooni children, I didn’t go straight to college.  I didn’t know what I wanted to be– I only knew that I DIDN’T want to be a lawyer, doctor or engineer.

FUCK COLLEGE

So much to my parent’s horror, I went to junior college.  Which they NEVER talk about even to this day- but I will be the first to admit:

If I hadn’t gone, I would’ve never gotten into a great university.  I would have never scored a legit job.

Most importantly, I would’ve never “found” myself.

I can understand my father’s fear- he is a Stanford and Columbia University Alum- so imagine how HE felt when his firstborn didn’t exactly follow in his footsteps (this is why he loves my brother more than me … uhhh jk….).  How was he going to explain this to a community that is ready to judge your “shortcomings” at the first sign of potential “failure?”

** Calm down, I don’t consider myself a failure.  

But junior college taught me responsibility and motivation.  I was unmotivated before JC, all I cared about was partying and boyfriends– and JC allowed me to realize my passion.  You would think that would be enough for my pedar… but no.  He wasn’t happy until I got into UC-X, and even then- he was angry at the world that I was a history major.

“Vell, maybe you go to law school.”

NO. Journalism school, Daddy.

“CHI?! TO GHALAT KARDI! You HAVE to listen to me, I vill not pay for dat… you do vat I say.” (Translation: Listen or die).

So I went to college, worked for the school newspaper (Baba joonam doesn’t talk about that either) and when I finished my LAST final as an undergraduate, I called my dad to celebrate and he says, “Vell, it isn’t exactly your last final because you still have ger-aduate eschool.”

Way to be a major fucking buzzkill.

Thanks Dad

So after graduating, my dad started his official campaign to get me to consider LAW SCHOOL.  Fortunately, he was really bad at it.

“You can be a politician if you go for your Master’s degree.”

Ew. F*CK THE POPO! 

That was never going to happen, so I made a deal with the devil.  I asked Baba to give me a chance to pursue what I wanted and if it didn’t work out, then we could talk options — not law school… but maybe graduate school for something that would make ME happy.

So when I wanted to move away for an internship, he flipped out.  I had to literally give a presentation on all the benefits of leaving our shitty ass hometown.  And even then, it wasn’t until my stepmother gave him a stern talking to that he finally gave in.

But that wasn’t all.  For the next seven months, he called me everyday and said if I didn’t find a job, I would have to move back in with him.

I didn’t sleep through the night for seven months because I was so stressed out.

That is unacceptable Farrah

I applied to over 50 jobs.  When it came down to it- I couldn’t JUST get a job that paid the bills, I had to make it so my daddy joon would finally LET me pursue my dreams without giving me a panic attack every time we talked.

When I finally got a job (at an organization he actually APPROVES of), I’m pretty sure the man cried.  His once “fuck-up” daughter just scored a legitimate job that he could brag about to all his friends.

But here’s my point, my dad always said that he knows best.  Even now that he has nothing to lecture me about, he still tries to find things to nit-pick over because “it’s his job,” he has the need to feel relevant- important in my life even though I’m doing something that he has absolutely NO experience in,

“Farrah, is your room clean? It is alvays important to be neat because then you vill be organized in all aspects of your life.”

My room is a fucking shitshow … as is my desk at work– no one has complained yet and I still get shit done. (KNOCK ON WOOD…)

“Farrah, make sure you go to the gym- it is important to vork out, you don’t vant to get fat.”

I went to Pilates today, and hit up that pizza buffet next door afterwards.  What? It was my REWARD.

IS THAT NACHO FRIES?!

Our parents are always going to argue that they know best, and honestly if my dad didn’t bitch at me half as much as he did while I was growing up, I probably wouldn’t have worked as hard to get to where I am now– but that also doesn’t mean that everything he said was right.

Just because you want to pursue something that isn’t Persian approved doesn’t make you a f*ck up, and it doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to achieve it.

My Baba wasn’t trying to be a dick… he was just scared for me.  He’s terrified at the thought that I might not be able to take care of myself once he’s gone.  It scares the shit out of him that I want to pursue the unknown and what’s worst is that MY excitement over the unknown causes HIM stress and anxiety.

Fact of the matter is, my pedar is still the first person I call when I do something right at work- even if it it’s as insignificant as learning how to use Outlook (why don’t they just use gmail…).

So while our parents inflict an insurmountable amount of pressure to be the “best that we can be,” fuck it– DO WHAT YOU WANT. At the end of the day, YOU’RE the one who is going to have to live with the choices you made… you’re the one who is going to die with/without regrets.

As a friend once told me– If I listened to my father and didn’t take the risks that I did, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

So is your pedare aziz as harsh as mine? I wanna hear all about it (honestly, it just makes me feel better).

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

TUMBLE US: SEXANDFESSENJOON.TUMBLR.COM

FACEBOOK US

Follow me on Twitter if you’re a “fuck up” too: @Farrah_Joon

LOVE,

FARRAH فرح
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Comments

  1. Billy Django says:

    Ghorboone tu aasheghe nacho fries. :)

  2. So did you pursue schooling after college?

  3. Hi Farrah!

    Rachel here! I’m sitting in a social media class at UCLA extension and we are talking about blogging and you came to my mind. Although I am only half Persian, it’s as if I am full because I have that khegalat bull shit. So my question is, how do you write about intimate and personal family issues to the world, specifically people that know you. Thats hard for me because I want to start a blog about my backgrounds fighting with my mind but finding myself as an individual.

    Please explain!!!! :)

    • Hey Rachel,

      Thanks for your comment. I have to admit, the anonymity is the reason I was able to FIRST put away my fear of talking about these really personal issues/experiences I’ve had. I was really scared to at first, and slightly embarrassed. But Saaghi and I are both fully aware NOW that we won’t always be anonymous. And the reason I’ve been able to put aside my fear/khejalat is because I like to think we ALL make mistakes- whether its with sex or school or even something as small as wearing belly shirts in middle school… but they’re not mistakes if you can LEARN from them and move on — and be better because of it.

      At the end of the day, no matter what you’ve done, there is always going to be someone out there that can relate to your experiences and what better way to connect with someone than to share your embarrassing stories/moments.

      So I would definitely encourage you to start your blog. You might be embarrassed at first- but you’ll get over it. Especially when you find readers who relate to you :)

      I hope that helps and I hope you keep reading!

      Love,

      Farrah

  4. Goli Parvinian says:

    Hi Farrah-

    Love your blog, I just found it and I’m hooked! My dad is the SAME way, except maybe more-so. I’m your typical persian girl…..but I’m in art school, majoring in Fashion Design. Yeah…you can just imagine how phone calls with my dad go. “Goli Joon, you can still change your major…there is still time to transfer!”
    hahaha
    Love youuuuu and your blog!
    Goli

    • Hey Goli,

      Good for you! At the end of the day, you have to do what you LOVE– it’s the only way you’re ever going to be happy (at least this is what I believe). Like I said, it took a long time for my dad to accept, but you should hear him now. I can guarantee you that your dad will be bragging about all your accomplishments soon enough (if he doesn’t already behind your back) :)

      I’m really glad you love the blog! :)

      xoxo,

      Farrah

  5. sashajoon says:

    HAHAHA. So, I totally blogged about the same thing yesterday. Well, sorta, my parents want to control everything I do. Oh, the life we live and the things we do as Persian children. I wanted to go to cosmetology school… His exact words were, “No child of mine is going to cut hair!” So I didn’t know what I wanted to do for a while, now I want to be a cosmetic chemist, which is really awesome. But I’m still at community college and I’m 24. I haven”t even started college so we’ll see what happens. Oh, but the sad thing is I think he’s broken a bit, he stopped asking me to be a doctor and to just, PLEASE, graduate. I’m right there with you. I love everything you write.

    Sasha

    • Thank you Sasha!

      Girl, we all move at different paces. And just because someone graduates at 21 versus 27 doesn’t mean SHIT in the long run. So do what you gotta do, stay motivated and know that you’re going to be just fine :)

      xoxo,

      Farrah

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