Sometimes when you have a shitty date, you need to let the dust settle before analyzing what exactly went wrong.
See joonies, some guys just go a little overboard when they’re trying to impress you. This is what they need to realize:
There’s a fine line between confidence and cocky
and when that line is crossed, everything is downhill from there.
When a guy asks a girl out- the date should really be about him getting to know her, the date shouldn’t be about how “great” he is. Ultimately, we really don’t want to hear it. We’ve already agreed to go out with them, and it’s not so we can listen to how awesome they are.
Going on and on about yourself isn’t going to convince us to suck your d*ck.
I’ve been on a decent number of dates: I’ve sat through the good, the bad and the ugly (boys: please don’t cry on a first date- it’s a guarantee sex chance killer).
And with my extensive dating experiences (exaggerating, calm down), I’ve come up with a few RED FLAG pointers. This is how you know when you need to put the fork down… and run…
Wait… no no, finish your plate and THEN run because good food does not deserve to be wasted. Take that shit home, get in your bed, and watch some Vamp Diaries while you stuff your face with the rest of the meal your lousy date bought. #justsayin.
At least something good should come out of your date from hell.
Let’s get right to it:
(1). When a guy goes on and on about what he does, and how great he is at it. RED FLAG: Sometimes its not that he’s trying to impress you, he really thinks he’s God’s gift. (how sad).
My date last weekend went on and on about how he had so many job opportunities that offered him SO MUCH more money than what he makes now. News flash: you made your own bed- don’t bitch about it to me.
Or my favorite, “I work on the ground in Afghanistan on issues that affect people everyday.” Me: “That’s so cool, how many times have you been to Afghanistan?” Him: “Oh, I haven’t been to Afghanistan before.” Um I’m sorry but… do you know what “on the ground means?”
These boys are just delusional.
(2). You: “So how are you?” Him: “I’m good, I brushed my teeth four times today already, I ate three slices of bacon and pooped up a storm… Hmm what else did I do?”
OVER SHARE ALERT. These boys just like to talk. It’s not so much about bragging with them, they just like the sound of their voice. They want to share every aspect of their day with you and while that may sound kind of sweet, no one really wants to know that you just let out a silent gooz (fart) on the bus.
Let’s keep it classy- keep those details for marriage (if you’re one of those couples).
(3). “You went to a better school than me? Yeah I’m doing this and this and this and this… now.” Overcompensating because they feel threatened is a dangerous characteristic. These are the guys who will never be happy for your success and will constantly belittle you because it provokes THEIR insecurities.
My ex was a perfect example of this. As if dumping me because I got a job before him isn’t evident enough of his overcompensating problems … even now as “friends,” we never talk about me. He’s not MY friend, I’m HIS friend. And what does that mean?
That means that he just wants me to listen, and “ohhh” and “ahhh” at whatever he says without giving him that harsh reality check that I MIGHT have accomplished more than he has.
My date last weekend was a dead ringer for insecurrrrr issues- the second he learned I went to a better university than he did, he spent the next 20 minutes talking about how his current job paid for his relocation, gave him a work cell phone, bla bla bla… Yeah I tuned out after ten seconds, my bad.
Insecure guys are never going to help YOU become a better person, instead you’ll be forced to face insecurities of your own that never existed before this relationship.
These are the guys who will never make you feel good about yourself.
(4). No eye contact. This is my personal red flag. If he’s looking at everything BUT you while you’re talking or while he’s talking, it’s for one of two reasons:
(a). He’s either trying to scope out who else is there because he’s bored.
If you expect me to listen to you talk about your life, then I expect you to listen to me. I might not find your story very interesting, but OUT OF RESPECT to you, I’m going to listen and be “engaged,” and when it’s over THEN I can decide if I ever want to see you again.
(b). or he’s lying.
This is the ultimate deal breaker. No need to explain, I think it’s pretty clear already- who wants to date a serial liar?
To me, neither of these outcomes are really worth it.
If he can’t even look at you, then he’s never going to have much respect for you. And if a guy doesn’t have respect for you then he’s never really going to like you for you, is he?
(5). When he talks constantly about his diet. I’ve already talked about the guy who doesn’t finish his food (click here)– that’s a turn-off for sure.
But it really isn’t much better when they talk about how “paleo” (only eat meat) they are or how they only eat fish and eat other meat once a week because they need to lose that middle section chubs hanging over their jeans. Honestly, chances are I probably hadn’t paid that much attention to it until they mentioned it.
Ultimately, I want to be with a guy who isn’t going to judge ME for being a total junkie when it comes to unhealthy, satisfying, delicious food. And let’s be real, if I talked about MY diet on a first date, then he would probably think I had an eating disorder #truestory.
Double standard much?
Guys who talk about how much salad they eat, or how they only shop at Whole Foods are elitist when it comes to food- and sometimes you just need a Big Mac because it really is THAT GOOD.
Joonies- keep these in mind on your next date. At least after the date, you don’t have to have that awkward conversation about how this just isn’t working because they’re a douche– which unfortunately, you have to have that conversation after the third date (ugh).
It is what it is and sometimes we just have to be on alert because guys are so good at slipping it right in (no pun intended).
Come on joonies, do you agree? What about you boys- what are some crazy red flags you have for us [amazing] PERSIAN GIRLS? We want to hear it all.
TUMBLE US: SEXANDFESSENJOON.TUMBLR.COM
Follow me on Twitter if you’ve seen a red flag or two: @Farrah_Joon
Your favorite serial dater,