We want to apologize for being MIA for a few days– we promise that will never happen again.
Regardless, we hope our joonies had a fabulous weekend- ours was a little stressful with our life responsibilities back to slap us in the face, but now that it’s under control (kinda)- we’re back and we have something fun to discuss for tonight.
One night stands.
You either love them or you’re the kind of person who judges others for basking in them.
I have mixed feelings about it. I’m a pretty big believer in not having sex unless you’re in a relationship and there are a few reasons for that:
(1). I think giving it up quickly can sometimes give guys too much unwanted power.
Unless, you’re only looking for a hit it and quit it, then who really gives a shit about who has the power? I believe that if you really like a guy, you should hold out– because once they get what they want, the chase is over. And whether you’re a guy or a girl…
… the chase is half the fun.
(2). The threat of increasing your number always causes ME anxiety.
This is probably an indirect result of the pressure our culture puts on us requiring that we’re “good little virgins.” Who wants to marry the girl who’s had 10+ partners?
That’s bullshit, we should be able to do whatever the fuck we want as long as we are safe– but that doesn’t mean that the fear doesn’t cross my mind.
I hate when guys ask my number because if they’re Persian, then the judgment flashes on their forehead like a red light (don’t worry haters, I’m still less than 10– but that doesn’t mean I intend for it to be like that forever).
(3). The definition of a one night stand: You fuck for one night… and that’s it.
That’s the end of it.
I’ve had meaningless flings for a night- make out, feel around, and then never talk to the guy again. But if I’m going to increase my number (see #2), then I’m going to want to do it more than once.
That’s why in situations like these, friends with benefits are so appealing to me. You get with someone you trust, no strings attached, and f*ck like crayyy.
Let me be clear, I’ve had sex outside of relationships- obvs I’ve done the whole friends with benefits thing and I loved it. And I’ve had sex with guys I was just dating (not exclusively)-
I’m not always practicing what I preach ;)
But I still have expectations when it comes to getting down with someone I have no emotional attachment to.
When my last boyfriend and I broke up- it hit me pretty hard. I hate to admit it, but I was pretty damn upset– if that hasn’t been clear enough through the numerous mentions of him in former posts.
But, us breaking up just meant I had to clear my head with a rebound. After my momentary grieving period, I was ready to get back in the game and experience what I’d been missing out on while I was in a pretty unhealthy relationship.
To be clear, I knew having sex with someone that wasn’t “him” might be awkward… at first. But I just thought that after a few drinks, it would be something more like this:
Which is what I got. I ended up hooking up with this guy I went on a few dates with… and I should have known that by his lack of interesting conversation topics, the sex would be just as boring.
As if asking me if I was a “rich, little Persian girl” wasn’t red flag enough, I really can’t recall anything else he said when we went out that resonated with me whatsoever.
But he was cute, and I was just ready to erase the memory of my ex with a crazy night of sex.
Instead, he laid on top of me… even when I tried to change it up, he just laid there… and it. was. so. boring.
You see– if I’m in a relationship with someone, I expect “sweet” sex. It’s more emotional, you’re connected with that person, you care about them and you have the time to learn what each person likes in bed.
But when I’m not in a relationship and I’m putting out for you, I just want to be fucked. Sideways, upside down, you name it. I want to do the things that I’m too embarrassed to tell my boyfriend about. I want to think about the crazy night while I’m bored at work the next day. I want fucking fireworks- and not because I “love you” but because you’re that baller in the sack.
*Note: NOT that I expect everyone to be great in bed, but because I expect you to be a little more exciting than a corpse. Pretty sure that isn’t too much to ask.
But most importantly…
I want you to turn me on so bad, that you’ll leave me begging for more.
And we all know I’m not a beggar.
And THAT should be the definition of a one night stand. Insane, dirty, thrilling, hot. Boring sex should be left behind in high school. We’re upperclassmen now- I shouldn’t be wishing I had a book to entertain me while you try to go to town.
For now, I think I’ll just stick to the friends with benefits thing. I like being able to say what I want and where I want it versus having to rely on some loser’s inability to please me.
JOONIES- ever had a one night stand from hell? Tell me all about it — I need some serious hand holding getting through this recent shitshow.
TUMBLE US: SEXANDFESSENJOON.TUMBLR.COM
Follow me on Twitter if you just want to be f#cked too: @Farrah_Joon
In need of good sex,