The SingleMan Party

Hey joonie joons,

We decided it was time for a different perspective on the blog– a male perspective.  It’s been a little while since we heard some of our Persian men air out their dirty laundry so what better way than with an exclusive interview with one of West Coast’s finest, THE GRADUATE.  He’s young, hot, successful and living big… what more can you ask for? We’re hoping he can shed some light into the complicated lives of Persian men– plus, we are really excited to read what HE has to say about the double standard between Persian men and women.  Hope you’re ready for this one because we’re sure he won’t disappoint: 

- What kind of lifestyle would you say you had in college– Did your social scene ever evolve as you became older or did it remain the same? 

I had a girlfriend in high school and after we left for college, we tried to do the long distance thing.  But, it just didn’t work out, and I was confused about how I felt and what was going on in that relationship.  My first year of college provided me with a lot of distractions:  lots of parties, lots of girls and lots of drinking.

I have many older, male cousins and they had told me that college is supposed to be the best years of your life, so I had that kind of mindset and those expectations — and it was with that frame of mind that really led the basis of my life in college.

I was experimenting and dating around as much as I could.  

So once my high school girlfriend and I broke up, my lifestyle was defined by going out with my friends, having a good time, meeting new people… especially girls.  I wanted to have the best social life I possibly could.  I wasn’t looking for a long term girlfriend, I wasn’t looking for love.  It would have been great to meet someone I really cared about, but mostly I was just a free spirit.

The transition from college to real life is difficult.  You’re not surrounded by people your age as much.  In college, you automatically have something in common with everyone because you’re going to the same school and you’re typically the same age.  When you graduate and you start working, it’s no longer like that.

You have to make this extra effort to meet people whereas in college you are constantly going out and meeting people (girls). 

You can literally go out any night of the week– Margarita Mondays!

- How often do you go out to drink/party?

In college, I probably went out three to four times a week.  Now it’s more like two nights a week.

Back in college, going out was all about meeting a pretty girl, breaking the ice, chatting her up and getting her phone number. If I didn’t have sex with her THAT night, I didn’t consider it a “failed night.”  My night was mostly just about going out and having a good time.  But I definitely wanted to be communicating with some pretty girls– whether we had sex that night or not… that didn’t always happen, but it would have been nice if it did.

Towards the end of college, I was looking to settle down… Definitely more than I am now.  After two to three college years of being in this player persona and dating around constantly, I had gotten over it in my senior year.

But now, I feel like I’m even more in a stage where I just don’t want to settle down.  I think in terms of timing, it makes more sense not to be looking for a girlfriend.

I’m in my early 20s, in a big city… it is definitely not my time to be looking to settle down.

I’m looking to settle down in my early 30s.  

Obviously, if I were to meet my “dream girl,” then yeah, of course I’d go for it.

But you can’t really look for a girlfriend, the right one just falls in your lap. 

-  Can you tell us about a “crazy” experience you’ve had, specifically with a Persian girl? 

I was in my junior year of college and I had just joined the Persian Club on campus.  We were getting ready to go on our annual trip to the mountains.  This was my first time really immersing myself in the Persian community in college.

My main goal for this trip was to meet some cute Persian girls.

On the bus ride over to the cabins that we were going to be staying at throughout the weekend, I see this cute girl sitting near the back and I sit next to her.  Everyone starts drinking on the bus, and the cute girl and I start getting to know each other.  I remember thinking, “Okay, she’s pretty cool.  We’re going to be spending three nights together in the same cabin, maybe something will happen.”

We were hitting it off, but I automatically thought that she was a little innocent and maybe a little prude too because she was young (Freshman), super giggly and just seemed a little immature.

So when we finally get to the cabin, the alcohol is constantly flowing. And EVERYBODY is trying to get on this girl.  But we’d already formed a connection on the bus so on the first night, we were standing right by the kitchen and we just started making out.  I was thinking, “Okay cool, at least we are making out.”

We keep on drinking, the Grey Goose is STILL flowing and we work our way up to one of the guest bedrooms.

#PersianVersion

Someone was sleeping on the bed in the room so we go into the walk-in closet and turn the lights off.  Things start getting pretty raunchy and hardcore and I was thinking, “Am I going to have sex with this girl?  I don’t even have a condom!”

Keep in mind, that my friend was having sex with a different Persian girl in the bathroom. 

Anyway, we were in this closet—she gets naked and we start feeling around.

She definitely wasn’t who I thought she was, she wasn’t prude, she was probably a little more experienced than I had initially expected and I was thinking, “Wow this might be happening right now, I might be having sex with this random Freshman/Persian girl in a closet.”

And the next thing I know, she starts giving me a blow job, which some people think is even more personal than sex.  I ended up “finishing” everywhere in the closet and had to clean my shit up with someone’s random sock.

We didn’t end up having sex that night, but almost a month after the trip, we did have sex.  I was worried that maybe she was a virgin because she was so tight, but I still have no idea.

That freaked me out a little because I knew I wasn’t interested in her in that way. 

We never really dated, but she was definitely a sick Persian girl. We hung out a number of times and smoked out.

She didn’t play into that bullsh!t Persian mindset– she was definitely more chill than most Persian girls and that was attractive to me.

But, I just wasn’t interested in dating her and I was worried she’d get attached since we’d had sex so I had to cut things off.

- What is your first reaction to hearing about Persian girls who are sexually active?

My initial reaction would be: okay cool, she’s normal.  i wouldn’t think she’s a slut by any means.

I wouldn’t necessarily say she is “white-washed,” but then again, I haven’t met enough white-washed Persian girls to make that absolute statement.

- Do you think it’s more socially acceptable for a Persian guy to sleep around than a Persian girl? 

It’s a double standard in all races.  I think anyone can have sex with whoever they want.

But in general, if a girl has sex with 25 people then she’s considered to be a whore — but if a guy does, it’s not a big deal.

-  Why do you think this double standard exists?

It’s just how it’s always been, especially in the Persian community. My mother was married at the age of 19 and my dad is the only person she’s ever had sex with.  My dad was married at the age of 28 and he had had with 10-15 partners before their marriage.

A lot of these ideals/morals that focus on what is appropriate in terms of sex are what our parents believe.

 If you are a Persian woman who’s mother was raised in Iran, she’s going to teach you similar morals and values that she was taught.  So you have two choices:

(1).  You can either believe them

or 

(2). You can do the opposite and learn for yourself.

I think that’s the only reason why this double standard and these stereotypes hold so true in our generation.

- Do you have any ideas on how we can solve this double standard that our culture presents?

I would like to think, just time… and that the next generation of Persian kids won’t have to deal with this to the extent that many of us do.  I would like to think the when I have kids, I will teach them something different.  But honestly, I don’t know how we can achieve this “equality” in sex now.

- Do you think negatively of a Persian girl if she sleeps with you outside of a relationship? 

No I wouldn’t.  If she is in her 20s, it’s just what people do… and to each their own.  I might think of her differently, but NOT negatively.  I might not think of her as girlfriend material.

Guys have this saying:

You know a girl is the girlfriend type if you can bring her home to mom.  

I would like my future girlfriend to be the type of person who wouldn’t give it up so easily– like on the first night.  I would think that if a girl gives it up immediately to me, then maybe she’s done that with other guys– which automatically eliminates her as the “girlfriend type” in my mind.  This is the case even if we had a great time — and whether she’s Persian or not.

- Growing up, did your parents ever give you the sex talk? 

Not really, but when I was 15, my dad bought me condoms for Christmas.  They didn’t need to give me the sex talk, we had a liberal household so they always knew what was going on.

- Name three things that you value most in life:

Family, friends, and making stories.

- How do you like your Fessenjoon?

I like it more sweet… yeah.

JOONIES- we hope The Graduate’s interview is able to provide all of us some with insight… and stories ;)  And always know you can hit us up if you ever read anything you didn’t like:

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

LOVE ALWAYS,

THE S&F TEAM
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Comments

  1. uhhhh “No I wouldn’t. If she is in her 20s, it’s just what people do… and to each their own. I might think of her differently, but NOT negatively. I might not think of her as girlfriend material” ….that right there is the epitome of the double standard….I understand he’s stating his opinions but i don’t appreciate that he’s sugar coating the fact that he carries the same mindset. Yeah, I don’t think of them negatively but I wouldn’t date them for that reason either….wtf do you call that then?
    Interesting post azizams (Farrah and Saaghi)

  2. I’ve now seen two guys on this blog (both in a post and in comments) describe a certain type of Iranian girl as “white-washed,” which I assume is a technical term for an Iranian-American girl who has multiple sexual partners and goes out on the weekends. Assuming the “whiteness” in question is the totally arbitrary social version, does anyone really believe that having multiple partners and partying on weekends is a) an exclusively white thing and b) that women in Iran today (and nearly the entire world) aren’t doing the exact same thing?

    I feel like the implication of the term (which, by the way, posits a skin color or racial classification as undesirable and is kind of offensive; just saying) is that Iranian girls who partake in such activities have given up an essential element of their culture and, more importantly, are somehow now less worthy of their attention (or “not girlfriend material”). I think their use of this term to disparage Iranian-American girls is very revealing.

  3. I’m pretty sure this is just either Farrah or Saaghi pretending to be a guy….

    • Hi Tina,

      Thank you for your comment. I guess we need some clarification on our end…

      Definition of credible: (dictionary.com <– my lifeline): worthy of belief or confidence; trustworthy.

      The whole point to this blog is to share HONEST and personal accounts of our lives in order to start a dialogue about issues that are ignored/silenced in the Iranian culture. Without being HONEST and credible, this blog would mean NOTHING.

      With that said, Saaghi and I have shared so many personal stories here- whether it's about giving blow jobs/losing our virginities OR denouncing Islam/drug abuse within our family. So why would we choose to lie about an interview? Because he's chosen a name like "The Graduate" or because he's anonymous? Why would we risk all we've worked toward?

      Would love to hear your thoughts on this! :)

      xoxo,

      Farrah

  4. Hydrogenated Liquid says:

    ^I second that

  5. Pretty impressed with the graduates perspective on everything. Except the one part where he says that he won’t think negatively about her but won’t be the girlfriend type. So does that mean an ideal girl would have be a little experienced but not been with a lot of guys? Sort of puts a box around the ideal gf.

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