Get it In With: Persian Girls

Hola Joonies,

It is finally the weekend. & while you may not have specific plans to go out and ‘rage’, if you’re smart– you’ll have a booty call on speed dial because it is starting to be a really hot summer.

I don’t know what it is about the high temperatures that drives up people’s sexual desires. You would think that you’d want to avoid getting all sticky and sweaty

Anyway, summer is mating season for us homo-sapiens.

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Put A Cookie in the Douchebag Jar

Hi JOOOONIES,

T-1 day TILL FRIDAYYY.  Can’t be more excited.  I’ve been having major writer’s block this week…

There’s only so much sex I can have– and so many of those stories worth telling.

We’ve heard it all– the bad dates, the cocky guys aka the usual walking disasters I seem to be interacting with on a daily basis.

Bad dates aren’t hard to come by, actually it’s the good dates that rarely ever seem to happen for me.  I’ve experienced it all: cocky assholes, workaholics, cocky, shy, cocky, cocky, cocky.  And for many of us (like me), the time to say goodbye can’t come fast enough.

Unless they surprise you with that super awkward kiss attack– and then you both end up having to walk the same route to get home… FML, worst possible case scenario, happens WAY TOO OFTEN.  

ew

But there’s only so much damage a guy can do during the date.  Sometimes, it’s the aftermath that really f#cks it up.

A few weeks ago, I went on a date with this guy from work.  He was fun to talk to in the elevator– so when he suggested Persian food for dinner, how could I resist?

*Please note: he was NOT Persian… Armenian Lebanese– everything my dad would disapprove of… which made him that much more appealing.

There’s something about tall, dark and handsome I just can’t resist…

…And mix that in with some chelo kabob– I’m done.  Sold.  All yours.  Not much room to mess that up, if you ask me.

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“That’s A Hook, Retard!”

JOONS. I’ve been feeling all kinds of weird lately: I’m in withdrawals from my meth addiction, and usually Flaming HOT Cheetos & Mast-moosir (yogurt-n-Shallots) solves all my problems, but I can’t even enjoy that quickfix because its summer, and:

#FML.  But then, Farrah sent me a video, that had me all like:

Why? Cause I realized, I can roll with life’s punches—

“I’M CUT FROM LEATHER, NOT SUEDE”.

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Arash Tebbi: I Want to be Great.

S&F initially became familiar with Arash Tebbi through his hilarious ‘Shahs of Sunset’ Parody: “Queens of Sunrise” (see below). We’ve watched every video since, and none have ever disappointed.

When I interviewed Arash, I realized it was one of those rare moments that I was going to walk away from the conversation with more than I expected. Great advice is hard to come by, especially because we usually tune out our parents’ lectures. And also because finding someone who is young, but wise beyond their years AND articulate enough to talk about their story is rare.  Oh, the fact that he was charming also helped- so Kudos to his momma who raised him right!

I know we’ll be seeing A LOT more of Arash and his company RUGGER PRODUCTIONS, because his ambition has no limit and his intentions are good. And I’m not sure if he’s a Nicki Minaj fan, but ‘Greatness is what we on the brink of’‘ was the lyric I couldn’t get out of my head while writing this.

Joonies, I hope you enjoy and take away as much as I did.
xx,
Saaghi

-  Tell me a bit about your background- have you ever lived in Iran?

I’ve lived in San Diego since I was 8 months old, and my parents are from Tehran and Rasht. I was raised in a household that was modern, yet traditional at the same time, so it kept me in the culture. I went back to Iran once in 2000, but I’ll never go back. I made a few videos for the the uprising in 2009, and I got a few death threats. They’re still up on youtube (Check his Channel Here).

-  The best or worst thing about being Persian?

The best thing is the consistency of hospitality.

Every Iranian home has a welcoming, “We’re gonna give you every type of food in our house, challenge you to eat everything” vibe.   [Read more…]

I Love Sex, Drugs and Rock-n-Roll

Hey joons,

HAPPY FRIDAY!  Best. Day. Ever.

I’m going to do things a bit differently tonight, and that’s because it’s been an eventful week.

It all started (for me) last week when I was on a date with this white guy… okay fine, we were in my bed- but that’s irrelevant. We were talking (surprised?  me too…), and he asked, “What do you think it means to be American?”

I couldn’t answer, not because I didn’t know how to, but blunt Farrah was out to play and I didn’t want to offend.  So I asked him to answer instead, which prompted him to say, “America is great because it provides equal opportunities for people of all different races.”

My response?  “Spoken like a true white guy.

You see if that were the case, then an Iranian AMERICAN would’t have been denied an iPad for speaking FARSI at the Apple store– iDiscriminate? Check it out yo.

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A Stage Five Virgin Clinger?

Joonies, Farrah really imparted some Royal Wisdom, yesterday. I even took note, so make sure you read before you continue man-hunting.

As for me, last I left you guys I complained that my virginity is not a challenge. But as one witty comment put it: “*WAS.”

My Virginity Was Not  A Challenge.

I finally figured out what a penis was (outside of a banana), and realized oral sex wasn’t just a prostitute-thing.

In the end, I had sex, and I didn’t castrate the guy afterwards. Or have my hymen reconstructed.   [Read more…]

If I Was Your Boyfriend

Hi joonjoons,

I’ve had an interesting week… to say the least (F#ck, it’s only Tuesday).  I’ve been catching up with some old college friends and it’s been a little disappointing.

Let me recap.

One of my friends has been calling me a lot recently- during work hours, late at night (I’m three hours ahead yo- don’t forget that sh*t), all day err day.  I finally had a chance to call her back to make sure everything was okay.

When your friend is calling you that excessively, it’s usually because someone DIED.

Luckily, that was not the case.  Instead, she had to gush all about her new relationship, which hey- that’s awesome.

I’m all for supporting my friends no matter what crazy shit they get into.

But please don’t call me in the middle of the night about it- just saying.  I don’t enjoy being woken up, especially when you’re trying to obsess about how much you love some guy I’ve never heard you talk about.

Halfway through the conversation, my friend says: “I just love him so much.”

“Umm you mean like his personality or actually love him?”

“No, I really love him.”

Oh, did I mention that they’ve been together for three weeks?

I consider “love” to be a pretty serious emotion and so when I hear someone who claims to be “IN love,” I imagine that they’ve probably established a solid foundation to their relationship.

Call me crazy, but I personally don’t believe that it is possible to be in love after being with someone for less than a month.

You might think it’s love, but really, it’s excitement/overstimulation aka LUST.

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My Virginity is Not A Challenge.

Happy MONDAY Joonies, I keep it #FRESH as Hell, thanks to DIPLO:

Ironically, I’m extremely uncomfortable getting detailed/personal– but its not fair that Farrah spills all the personal shit, and Saaghi gets away with sarcasm & embarassing stories.

I don’t know how many of you reading are virgins, half-virgins, or far from it. But in both the Persian & American culture, its kind of a big deal where you stand in regards to the BIG V.

As girls, we don’t know what to do with it–lose it? Keep it? Save it? Share it?

As guys, they just want to get it over with, and never look back. The longer a guy is a virgin, the more of a repressed creep he becomes.

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Dime A Dozen

Hi joonies,

I’ve told you all about my father– his requirements of a presentation detailing why I should be able to take an internship across the country, his lecturing and his need for my success.  But in the spirit of Father’s Day, I decided it’s time to share with you some stories of how special/embarrassing he really is.

I promise this won’t be too sappy

Growing up, I was the epitome of “problem child.”  I lied, snuck off to meet boys, and ditched class like school was nothing but a silly chore.  My dad’s a professor so you can only imagine how frustrated he was with me all the time.

He hired countless tutors in hopes that my failures in science and math (his strengths) would somehow evolve into victory.  Unfortunately, for him: no such luck.

But I was his only daughter and lucky for ME, he refused to give up.   [Read more…]

Parisa: Everything I Do is Half Assed

Um bullshit- nothing this girl does is half assed.  We first heard of Parisa when she was an intern at the National Iranian American Council– an organization dedicated to furthering the interest of Iranian Americans through outreach focused on Congressional policy issues and cultural events– through her coverage of foreign policy hearings on Capitol Hill in Washington D.C.  It was during this time that we discovered Parisa’s personal blog IranStories — now featured on Aslan Media as “I Heart Iran.”  Fellow blogger dedicated to bashing stereotypes?  WE’RE SOLD.

Parisa Saranj:  Blogger.  Lover of Iranian Culture.  Self proclaimed Hardcore Feminist.

Introducing Parisa joon

Parisa was so honest, quirky and fun throughout her interview.  I feel like I was able to learn so much from her just through a single conversation about her experiences as an Iranian American.  At S&F, we love hearing stories about how people surpassed what was expected of them and went on to do something amazing, and Parisa is a true testament to that.  So we hope that you guys will enjoy reading her interview as much as I enjoyed talking to her.

xo,

Farrah

- Tell me about yourself- where are you from? 

I was born in Esfehan, Iran in 1985.  I left in 2003 to come to the U.S. when I was 18 years old.  I came here with a green card.  the initial plan was to come here just to live with my family, not specifically for college.  My uncle had applied my father for a green card 13 years ago.

My dad, mom and I ended up getting a green card.  But because my brother was over the age of 21, he couldn’t get one.  So my dad basically dropped me off in the U.S. where I lived with my aunt and uncle.  After a year, I went my own way.

If my brother had gotten a green card too, my entire family and I would’ve moved here together.  But when he didn’t, my mom had to stay in Iran and my dad had to leave me in America after six months because he was unable to find a job.

My brother got his green card last week and is here with me now.  But in the meantime, my mother passed away, and my dad remarried and went off on his own.  So it’s just me and my brother now, and he’s staying with me here in the U.S.

- What was one of the biggest challenges you faced coming here from Iran?

There were three things that I would consider the biggest challenges.

(1).  Dealing with crazy relatives.  I had one relative who believed that I was too much of a “Muslim” girl so they would force me to eat bacon, buy me sexy lingerie and swim suits.  I was like this girl straight out of Esfehan – from a close knit conservative community – I had never worn anything smaller than a large, God forbid my boobs ever showed!

My relatives were forcing me to do the opposite of what I was accustomed to.  They just picked on a lot of issues and it had nothing to do with the fact that they are Iranian.

I lived with them in Orange County (California) and after, I moved to the furthest point I could think of.  I went to Massachusetts for college and I haven’t been back to California since.

(2).  The fact that the toilets here don’t have water to wash yourself with.  In Iran, we have a hose — a “shelange.”  Luckily, I discovered the wonderful world of feminine wipes that you can buy from CVS.  I would die without them.  I don’t go anywhere without them.  I really think if I didn’t find them, I would go back to Iran just to have a hose in the bathroom.

(3).  The biggest struggle was the fact that nothing here tastes like the food in Iran.  Unfortunately, I just got used to it.  I became a vegetarian two years after I moved here.  There is this entire industry of vegetarian food out there that I just love and I feel so much better about myself now.  I love tofu, different pastas and pizzas.  The world of vegetarianism is so vast and there is so much to explore.

So it was an agony to go to the bathroom, eat tasteless food and deal with my crazy family.

Honestly, culture shock or language barriers weren’t struggles I dealt with.  I loved being on my own.   [Read more…]

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