To have to follow David Golshan is a bit much because let’s be real, you really can’t beat that… but you do what you gotta do. So #LEGGO.
My topic tonight might be a little confusing because I’m still trying to figure everything out myself- but here’s to hoping that you guys can help me out a little bit.
As Persians (men and women), we ALL feel it whether it’s with getting bad grades or having sex out of wedlock. But it’s how we allow that guilt to take over our decisions and lives that really matters (to me).
When I lost my virginity, I had to justify it to myself. As if waiting until I was 20 years old and in love wasn’t justification enough, I had to plead with myself that it really was okay to have done the dirty.
I felt the need to convince myself that what I had done wasn’t “wrong,” even though it’s a natural part of life.
And while that was five years ago, I still feel guilty when it comes to having sex or drinking or doing something that I know my culture/parents may not approve of — despite preaching AND believing (for the most part) that we should be able to do whatever the f#ck we want.
Let me give you the perfect example.
Not too long ago, I met this guy through some friends- he was cute, really sweet and I developed a little crush. One night, we all went out to the bars and he ended up coming home with me at the end of the night. Even though we were slightly inebriated, we discussed what was about to happen before we got to my house (we’re classy like that).
*Disclaimer– whatever agreements you come to when you’re drunk… they’re a moot point. Fair game baby.
He said, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now because I just got out of something.”
***Sidenote: I hate when guys assume I want them to be my boyfriend. Get off your high horse- you ain’t all that.
I said, “Perfect, I don’t want you to get in the way of my career.” (drunk Farrah goes for shock value).
We decided that we would hook up on a regular basis with no strings attached, and the night ended a little something like this:
Everything was normal the next day–I had flashbacks of the amazing sex we had after he left. After almost a year of celibacy, it really was what I needed #truestory. Then comes the harsh reality of Monday and that’s when my guilt finally set in.
Oh god, did I really tell him to spank me? I’m supposed to be the innocent little Persian girl.
Then the guilt escalated.
I started questioning everything. What if he doesn’t want to do it again? Did I just increase my number for nothing? I don’t even know him that well, what was I thinking? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
IS HE OVER IT??!!
And with all those questions, not only did I become insecure about the entire night despite how fucking great it was… I was giving him all the “power.” I was ruining a night to remember with guilt/shame because I couldn’t believe that I had sex outside of a relationship.
There’s a reason that a guy thinks it is okay to tell me (or any other girl) he isn’t looking for a relationship without me even asking him… without even having been on a DATE with him.
To me– it feels like he’s automatically assuming I’m weaker because “women have a tendency to over analyze.” (So do men btw, they just won’t admit that shit upfront).
And when my guilt was setting in, I was proving him right.
No guy has the right to assume anything about me (or you). I am my own UNIQUE person and just because I’m a girl or I look like “the relationship type” (w/e that means), doesn’t mean it is okay to judge me based on THEIR past experiences.
Imagine if I had said to him, “you look like you have a small penis.”
Pretty sure I wouldn’t be getting any action if I had said that…
I’ve come to the conclusion that this judgment we get from guys is a direct result of the guilt we inflict upon ourselves.
I’m not the only girl who’s had sex outside of a relationship. I don’t deserve to feel like I did something “wrong” because I had sex with someone who I have no emotional attachment to. How many guys do you think f#ck bitches on a monthly basis?
Just because I’m Persian doesn’t mean I have to abide by a different set of rules than everyone else.
My mother might not understand or think it’s okay to have sex with someone outside of a relationship, but I am by no means my mother and I don’t intend to be. I don’t advocate for having sex with random people- obviously it makes me uncomfortable.
But I do believe that we are just people … and sometimes we get horny. Unfortunately, you can’t predict the future and you can’t hope that any guy you meet/kiss/suck is going to end up being your boyfriend aka future husband.
If you find someone you trust and know is safe (condoms yo), then you should be able to let yourself go every once in awhile.
That’s what I truly believe in. So screw this bullshit guilt, I shouldn’t feel like a lesser person than he is or awkward/embarrassed just because I let loose when we had sex (no pun intended). I should value that experience for what it is:
A great fucking night… literally.
And how do you think it ended?
He wasn’t over it :)
NO regrets joonies. Learn from your mistakes– but I assure you, f#cking without commitment isn’t always a mistake. Anyvayyyy, I’m sure I’ll get some hate for this one, but I love you all the same and can’t wait for your feedback:
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