I tried working out, instead I busted out my laptop and started writing this post–gymblogging–the best excuse not to run that mile.
My sense of urgency doesn’t come as much from the muscle cramps, as it does from the fact that I am so frustrated….with MEN. Especially the Persian kind. I know, I know–what’s new, right? Another female blogger venting about how single she is, another Persian girl bitching about Persian men.
We’ve all heard this before, and you’re all probably thinking– get rid of the laptop, the cat, and move the fuck on.
NO. I absolutely will not, because I am fed up. Fed up, and most importantly: BORED.
Is it too much to ask for to meet someone a little interesting? Someone with something new up their sleeve?
Please, someone SCREW me over in a way that will actually surprise me.
The mindgames are so last year, I can spot ‘hot and cold’ a mile away, and the ‘doodool tala’ image thing doesn’t even phase me. Listen, I’m a persian girl with a retail addiction , and I’m just as impatient and ADD when it comes to men: don’t try to sell me last season crap for this season’s price tag.
So here it is, I’ve brainstormed a few ways in which you can surprise the women you’re leading on.
It’s fun, its free (for the most part), and its refreshingly novel.
Let’s get creative here, maybe you could break hearts in the following ways– instead of dropping off the face of the earth, or pretending you’re ‘not looking for anything serious’.
This is my personal favorite: The girl gets a good laugh out of it, which’ll give her some endorphins, and you can walk away feeling a little less guilty.
Here’s a few pranks that are a sure-fire way of saying: we just weren’t meant to be.
– Place an AD on craigslist as a Comic Book/Star-TRek/STARWARS (something cult-y) Collector with a rare Limited Edition SOMETHING. Leave her number in the AD. She will have to change it due to the insane fans that will hunt her down. And you will (if you’re smart) never get her new number.
– Have her car “stolen”, so she comes out of the nail salon panicked, staring at an empty parking spot. Tell her you can retrieve her car- in one piece-, only if you guys never speak again. “Babe, it’s the only way…” She’ll be more relieved for the car, than hurt that you guys won’t be talking.
– For a few weeks, pretend you’re the victim of identity theft. Tell her your bank finally called, and said she was the one trying to take money from your account.
Then tell her you don’t respect golddiggers, and that if she wanted the new Louis Vuitton Bag, she could’ve just asked.
2.”Got your grandma on my D***”
Screwing the mom is so overdone, and getting with the best friend is too much baggage.
2012 is all about GILFs.
TYGA said it best, and you can buy your ticket to rack city and out of relationshipland in less than a few minutes.
She won’t even know what hit her. You get extra points if it happens sober.
Grandmas are new. Grandmas are creative.
3. THE REPLACEMENT
Few of you would probably be brave or comfortable enough to do this, but lets just say its the golden rule of customer service:
If you don’t want to keep her happy, find her someone who will.
Even if its just for one night. Offer up one of your bro’s, or find a hot guy and send him over to her place. This way you sacrifice some of your ego, to save her some hurt. & in turn, she will be less likely to be bitter, obsessed, and vengeful.
If any of my exes sent a D&G model to my door to break up with me, I would gladly start the rebound process.
4. Adrenaline Rush
you know that feeling, when you think you’re about to die on a roller coaster? or when that dead girl pops up in the closet, in THE RING?
Sometimes its adrenaline. Mostly its Perfect Timing.
Just drop the bomb, when she’s faced with her worst fear: Clowns? Snakes? Ghosts? Her dad?
Personally, I’m an adrenaline junkie, so for any guy to do this to me, it’d be kinda hard. But if I had 10 large, hairy spiders within 10 feet of me, I wouldn’t even feeel the heartbreak of “I just don’t think this is going to workout” .
Of course, at the end of the day, no one wants to break up, and no one wants to get hurt, but its bound to happen. Few of us are unlucky (or lucky) enough to be with one person our whole life.
I wholeheartedly hope that one of these days, I will write a post for you JOONIES about getting harassed over a craigslist ad, or an awkward conversation with grandma– but until then, I’m frustrated, bored, and just chillin’ with my little friend :)
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