Happy MONDAY Joonies, I keep it #FRESH as Hell, thanks to DIPLO:
I don’t know how many of you reading are virgins, half-virgins, or far from it. But in both the Persian & American culture, its kind of a big deal where you stand in regards to the BIG V.
As girls, we don’t know what to do with it–lose it? Keep it? Save it? Share it?
As guys, they just want to get it over with, and never look back. The longer a guy is a virgin, the more of a repressed creep he becomes.
How many ‘my first time’ stories have you heard from a dude? Not many, it’s not a rite of passage for them. It’s an expectation. But for girls, its a decision…
or is it?
I was a virgin for a long time. In every way, I mean. Health class was the only place I’d seen a picture of a guy’s package, and I was just plain scared to go anywhere, with anyone.
To be real–I didn’t have much of a choice the first half of high school when people got started experimenting. I was pretty awkward looking thanks to my friend Puberty: inflated nose, chipmunk cheeks, and lots of pudge.
But I remember my junior year when some of the swelling had died and some guys began to approach me, and I really didn’t even know what to do with myself. I preferred ignoring the species of man and their penises– rather than try to figure out the hype-wave my friends were riding. Getting eaten out at 16 was probably #9483838 on my to-do list, while its was #2 on my best friend’s. I wasn’t very sexual, I didn’t feel attractive, and any 16 year old dude trying to tell me otherwise to get in my pants, could just leave.
Overall, I had a huge sense of pride, a fear of rejection, and a low sex drive. Put them all together, and you get a virgin.
My house was also not a sex-friendly environment, as I don’t think many Middle Eastern households are. My parents were not affectionate in front me, to the point that I thought maybe French Kissing was only for the French. I still cannot sit through a sex scene or even a mild onscreen kiss with my parents- it’s super awkward.
My mom attempted to give me the sex talk when I was 17, but it was fairly one-sided. Kind of like a Shakespearean Monologue:
“You are a virgin, and men respect that. If you give it up before marriage, he will not respect you, and who’s to say he won’t leave you? Then no man will want you.”
Oh sh!t, so my virginity is like a guarantor? Or like good credit when I’m trying to get a loan?
Then I gathered the courage to ask my mom about oral sex (dumb move): “Mom, then whats oral sex?”
“Only Prostitutes do that”
So I graduated high school thinking going down on a guy was prostitution and my virginity was my credit score.
I remained an innocent observer, being asexual while my friends began to lose their virginities. That was pretty interesting. I saw the whole process–
“the decision making”– should I do it Saaghi? Do you think its too soon?
“the deed” : “It hurt” or “It didnt hurt as much I thought it would, it was only like 2 minutes”
“the after math”: This was always the worst to deal with– there was regret, there was happiness, crying, oversharing.
& I remember thinking that if my friends knew what I knew, that going under a man was as bad as bowing to Satan— why were they still willing to do it? Especially with teenaged wiggers?
I’m not going to lie, I kind of felt like I had the moral high ground compared to them– especially after all their relationships went sour. I really believed that if I was a virgin, my man would love me more, respect me more, and stick around.
Then as the story usually goes: I met someone. and I liked him a lot, and it was tingly in all sorts of places. I finally found someone and I really didn’t want him to leave.
So I applied my mom’s mentality– keep your credit, keep your man.
Surprise Surprise! It didn’t work. After a year of falling very hard, and keeping my sexual hormones at bay, one night at a beach bonfire–he told me “You’re the kind of girl I’d marry, and I’m not about that right now, I just want to have sex”. Um so if we have sex, I get to keep you? I was torn between hating him, and wanting him to be the one– so I lost it... and I did what normally over-dramatic heartbroken teenagers do,
I stripped, and went skinny dipping in the Pacific Ocean.
The experience was a curveball. He didn’t stay, even though I had what I thought was worth staying for. So I got naked and really re-evaluated what I was about right now . At the end of the day, if it’s my decision, why was I leaving it at the mercy of people around me?
If being a virgin is the respectable thing to do, why does it feel so degrading?
Joonies, it wasn’t just that guy. It was all of them:
I remember one guy I dated told me how he ‘thought it was a good thing‘ that I was a virgin, but his praise made me feel like absolute shit.
Another guy said, “I like a challenge” when I told him I was a virgin….UM, excuse me?
My virginity is not a challenge. & Who the f#ck are you to praise me for it?
All those guys who praised my ‘virgin’ status had the disgusting, chauvinist tendency to look at me and my body as a land that needed to be conquered. They wanted to be Christopher Columbus- first in the New World. But I am not a Trophy for their efforts.
Any guy who prefers a virgin, I would rather castrate.
Now, If you make the decision to stay a virgin until marriage, that is your call- but can you honestly say- you’re doing it for you, and not for the community, your family, or the ‘respect’ of your partner?
Because I hate to break it to you girls, your virginity is worth absolutely nothing. If you treasure it, you’ll only wake up one morning to find yourself broke. No marriage contract/relationship can guarantee respect, so don’t put your virginity down as collateral. Try treasuring something that can’t be touched, torn, or broken.
It’s respect for yourself that is valuable and that should not be invested in your hymen.
Now, clearly, I did have sex at some point. But that story is a little extreme, and unconventional– this post has gotten long enough already. We’ll save that for next time.
TWEET ME: @SAAGHI_JOON
Like A Virgin,