What Will You Give Me?

JOONIES!

Happy Monday… more importantly, T-4 TILL FRIDAY.  Yeah, Fridays are my favorite.

Leeet’s get right to it.  This is something I’ve been thinking about/bothered by for awhile now… I used to think it was just in my head until I had a conversation with a friend recently who’s slightly older than me.  She’s in her late-20’s and single.  NOTHING wrong with that, ya dig?  But in Persian standards, that is the epitome of torshideh.

Our culture thrives on this notion that if a woman isn’t married before she hits 28 then she is somehow incapable.

Doesn’t look so torshideh to me.

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Go To Therapy, Not My Problem.

Sa-LAAM Joonies.

We set the mood this week with that ka-BOOM of a post I know- but we’ll send you off to the weekend with some laughs, I promise. I’ll start right now by painting an image of how I usually write my blog posts: in really ugly PJ’s (that don’t match), Crest WhiteStrips, 90’s music, and now I’ve taken to wearing my “Man-Repeller”  glasses (as somebody called them). They’re actually the EXACT same glasses that Dwight wears from The Office. I’m not kidding. Glamorous, huh?

I really never understood those girls that always looked cute, even at home—

Don’t you sometimes just want to walk around like all the Golden Girls threw up on you?

Thank you for being a friend.

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Spending Nights in Tehran

Hi JOONAMS,

Thought I might dial it back tonight and just relive some great memories.  Somethings you just never want to forget because it plays a pivotal role in developing your personality… your ideals… and that’s what my trips to Iran were for me.

Going to Iran was something I looked forward to the second I stepped off the plane back in the United States.  Leaving my grandparents, cousins and other relatives/friends behind was always one of the hardest things I ever had to do (and still to this day nothing compares).

Tehran, Iran

I always left with this gut wrenching thought, “What if I can’t come back next year and see them again? What if this is goodbye for good?”

I’ve been back once since I graduated from college and even though, it’s only been two years– I feel like I’m gripping onto the memories in fear that one day, they just might leave me.  Because now more than ever, it is unlikely I can go back for sometime.

And now there is all this talk of war and harsher sanctions — there is still the endless imprisonment of bloggers, political thinkers, and human rights defenders –

Yet all the focus remains on Iran’s deteriorating relationship with Israel and their nuclear program, which causes people outside of Iran to forget that Iranians are regular people.

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I Said No

Hey joons,

We talk a lot about the fun in sex… and partying and losing your inhibitions.  It’s true- sometimes you need to abandon the Persian traditions that we were born into and just let your hair down. 

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences ready to kick your ass at any unexpected moment.

Because the harsh fact is:

No matter how much sex you have or how responsible you are  — you can’t always guarantee success/safety.

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Flaming Hot Cheetos is always the answer.

Its time to get real. I know I said you Joonies could meet my parents, but this is an even more intimate relationship

Cause it’s ME + Flaming Hot Cheetos,Til Death Do Us Part.

But do you know why that is?

Because it is the snack of champions. Eff Wheaties, if you can eat them on a drive, WITHOUT water, you’ve got it in you. & FlamingHotCheetos (FHC-i use a lot of acronyms during the day, here’s another to add to the list)- is also about the American dream: Did you know the idea for this snack came from a janitor in the Frito-Lay company?

Thank you, Richard Montanez.

But before you guys sign off cause SAAGHI’s gone batshitcray, I want to emphasize something else I love about FHC: how it made me BFFs with all my…BFFs.

Now, maybe some of you don’t champion the Cheeto (try it with FAGE, and die ). Maybe you like the Lays, maybe you like the FROYO, or maybe you’re all about Cheesecake.

Food Brings Girls Together.

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Back to the Future

JOONIES:

College is awesome- you’re not only learning when you’re in class, but you’re learning through all the experiences that college provides you with – parties, sex, extracurriculars.  It’s all about the “outside of the classroom” experience- at least it was for me since I didn’t spend much time in the classroom (sorry daddy).

I found a part of myself in college — I learned what my passion was, I developed it through my extracurriculars and I worked my ass off to make sure that I would be “okay” once I stepped out into the real world.

Graduating was bittersweet- I was sad to leave the life I had been leading for the past four years, but I couldn’t wait to get out into the real world.

Nothing in college prepares you for the real world.

Welcome to the real world

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19, in 1979

A Guest Post that’s a throwback to another generation, we thank them for allowing us to share this story:

I was about 19 years old, a University student in Isfahan when the Shah’s regime fell. All of us were very excited to be a part of history in the making. Even before they shut down the schools, I had stopped going to classes– why bother? Even in class, our professors talked politics- not math or physics.

The real education was out on the streets, we thought, but that was arrogant and naive. I remember throwing perfectly good University Cafeteria food into the trash as a sign of defiance to the ‘regime.’

Looking back, I wish I had enjoyed the Kabob and stayed in school.

In the time of the Referendum, when people voted for an Islamic Republic, the country had no effective military or police. Each province was divided up into precincts, and each precinct had its ‘guards.’  Who were these guards?

Young revolutionaries, running high on confidence that they were actually changing the country and making people listen.

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IPANEEMA: I Love When Bitches Don’t Text Back

At S&F, we love finding those Irooni kids who are doing exactly what they shouldn’t be- comedy, film, stripping… But if it’s music, then we’re even more hooked. Clearly you joonies were as well, when we shared this young producer’s Rack City Remix in an earlier post (and below). I got the chance to interview IpaNEEMA (yes, his name is Neema)– at his studio, where he makes all kinds of magic happen.

While Neema insists  he’s a ‘weird kid’, I think he’s just a bit different because he’s never told a lie and he believes in earning over entitlement — but quite frankly, those are great reasons to be weird.

But in all honesty, I hope this interview captures the passion and strong morals that make Ipaneema– and it impresses you all as much as it impressed me. I know he’ll be size 42 font and causing lots of eargasms in the future. (read for explanation).

Oh, and the fact that he’s disgustingly talented also helps.

Enjoy the music Joonies.

xx,

Saaghi

IPANEEMA: THE ANTI DOODOOL-TALA.  

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What College Taught Me About Sex

Joonies, for those of you in college/going to college—I know you’re looking forward to the stellar academic opportunities coming your way. I mean which Persian family lets their kids go to a party school anyway? Pshhtttt..

But realistically, whether you decide to keep your head in the books or rage from Margarita Mondays to SundayFundays – you’re going to have to deal with sex in college. Directly or indirectly because your roommate keeps kicking you out with a post-it on the door.

There are a few lessons you learn only after you’ve become a seasoned college student with a penchant for self-pity. Lucky for you guys, I’m not only seasoned, I’m fully marinated.

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I Dated My Dad

JOONS:

It’s true… I dated my father– but not in the way you think (don’t be gross).  NOT literally.

We’ve all heard this before:

Girls always end up with someone like their father and boys end up with someone like their mother.

And if they’re Persian boys– it only makes sense.  They’re going to be attracted to someone who will nurture and care for their doodooltala-ness (let’s be real).

My dad never really cared for the guys I brought home.  He was always nice to them (aka never had any guns attached to his waist), but he never connected with on a personal level — he was never excited to hang out with them.

Then again, I haven’t given him much material to work with.  My dating history is as bad as the sour milk still in the fridge.  I’ve dated anyTHING from a cheating loser to a dependent bacheh (child) who couldn’t go down the escalator without holding my hand (THERE’S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE PERSON PER STEP).

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