Back to the Future

JOONIES:

College is awesome- you’re not only learning when you’re in class, but you’re learning through all the experiences that college provides you with – parties, sex, extracurriculars.  It’s all about the “outside of the classroom” experience- at least it was for me since I didn’t spend much time in the classroom (sorry daddy).

I found a part of myself in college — I learned what my passion was, I developed it through my extracurriculars and I worked my ass off to make sure that I would be “okay” once I stepped out into the real world.

Graduating was bittersweet- I was sad to leave the life I had been leading for the past four years, but I couldn’t wait to get out into the real world.

Nothing in college prepares you for the real world.

Welcome to the real world

I was completely unprepared for the over-zealous interns who will do anything to beat you out.

I didn’t even know what “office politics” meant until AFTER I signed my first contract.

I had no idea the lengths that some people would go to just to get ahead.

[Sometimes] Naive/sheltered Persian girls are forced to leave their daddy’s safety and learn QUICK what the true meaning of reality is.

After interning for one year before I was hired as full-time staff at a large organization, I was lucky enough to be slapped in the face quite a few times before learning how it’s really done in the real world. 

1.  COMPETITION: When you’re first starting out, you’re competing with hundreds of other equally qualified people for ONE position.  If you’re interning with them, it’s even worst.

I never knew that a fellow intern could be so cutthroat and stressful.

The interns I came across were notorious for belittling their equals (aka me) in front of the managers/supervisors, trying to talk sh*t about your work (though somewhat slyly), and attempting to upstage your ideas by adding their own into the mix regardless of how irrelevant it might be.

There were so many times where I wanted to just throw my notebook across the room and stampede them.

But that’s not exactly professional.

And when you’re just starting out, you’re everyone’s bitch– and it’s up to you to prove that you can handle any situation with ease (and a f#cking smile).

What bullshit — because you know if that sh*t happened at the club, bitch be on the floor before she’d even have the chance to say, “I think it’d be better if we did this instead…”

2. GOSSIP QUEEN: There is always ONE (if you’re lucky, ONLY one) person in the office who’s the gossip queen/king.  Sorry this isn’t a position only undertaken by women– men can be just as nasty/talkative.  Let’s be real, people get bored at work.  You can’t work eight hours in eight hours– it just doesn’t work like that, especially when you have Twitter/Facebook ready to go at your fingertips.

But even worst, people get cabin fever.  They crave excitement, and what’s better than creating office drama?

Note to self: You never want to be part of the office gossip.  It’s not worth it and unfortunately, what people know about you in your personal life causes you to be judged in your professional life.

So if that girl sitting at the desk next to you is sharing all the juicy gossip about your co-workers/interns, you can bet your ass she’s talking about your personal life too.

Coworkers who start sentences with, “You can’t tell ANYBODY I told you this…” shouldn’t be trusted under any circumstances.

Gossip is fun- but it’s key to never react… You don’t want it to come back and bite you in the ass that you said, “OMG what a BITCH!” about the VP because you could and probably will get put on the shitlist… and you might as well just be fired. #sorryboutit.  In an office so small, everything is bound to come out sometime– in reality, no one can keep a damn secret.

These people aren’t always your friends, they’re your competition. 

3. Liar Liar Pants on Fire: This kind of goes in hand with #2.  About 50 percent of that shit-talking/office gossip is true.  You never know what’s going to be one hundred percent real no matter how much “detail” your personal storyteller can provide you with.

But, what happens when it’s a story about you?

The first lesson I learned when I started working: SAVE ALL YOUR EMAILS.   Get that shit in writing- if someone tells you what to do who’s not your boss or your intern manager, follow up with an email to have them confirm so you have some type of proof.  Because if there is any type of trouble over what you are doing, you really don’t want that sh*t put back on you.

And luckily, if you have proof, then that never happens.  In office politics, that’s not being a little snitch, that’s being smart because unfortunately for you, people will do anything to deflect the blame from them.

It’s called saving your ass– especially when you shouldn’t be in trouble in the first place.

4.  JEALOUSY: is what all these points have in common because in all honesty- there is one example for all three of the above that have to deal with someone’s incapability of being fair.

Look at #1– sometimes when people are cutthroat and nasty in competition, it’s because they are threatened by you.

What’s more complimentary than that?

The more stank eye someone gives you, the more they feel the need to BEAT you.  You are their personal motivation and if you fall into their immature trap by responding negatively, then you only encourage them further to beat you out.

Keep your comebacks to yourself– you can vent about them later to people who don’t know them.

**I’m known to be pretty outspoken and blunt… I had tone all that down in the office because even though they might be mean and nasty, it’s a reflection on them and you really don’t want those higher ups to think that you’re in the same immature category as a hater.

Here’s how you’ll really feel

With #2 and #3–  I really love hearing the office gossip/shit talking.  But you want to be known as the person that others can trust, not hate on.

There’s no need for anyone in your professional world to know what vibrator you prefer, or what kinda bud you like to smoke on the weekends.  It doesn’t matter how “close” you guys are, it’s an office- people talk and rumors (no matter how untrue) can still lose you your salary.  Not cool.

And in the end, you want these people to be your references — you don’t need to know them about your alter-ego, “Farrah.”

But when it comes to shit talking specifically, people only shit talk when they feel the need to overcompensate.  And trust me, it always blows up in their face.

Here’s what it really comes down to:

You just have to be diplomatic- those who act like fools will get what they deserve in the long run.

You can never achieve greatness if you’re willing to play dirty/cheat- sure, sometimes these people get ahead, but they’re hated for it.  It’s all about fairness and being the type of person who others can rely on. You can be the hardest damn worker there is, but if you shit talk/talk down at people/act like a bitch, you’ll still get HR complaints.

No one remembers your hard work if you’s a bitch

Ya feel me?  So don’t worry about “having the last word” with some random person who’s trying to push you… Just tweet it instead (ANONYMOUSLY… you must be on crack if you don’t think employers check that sh*t):

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

IIsSoDiplomatic,

FARRAH فرح
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  1. Kay Kay says:

    this is too trueee!! I’ve recently started an internship and I see this all the time around me… and I agree with you Farrah that it is ALL out of pure jealousy, when they KNOW they can’t beat your or that they are already ahead of you, theres no talking shit or sabotaging going on, but the minute they think you might threaten their career, they load their guns and sit quietly behind a tree waiting for the right moment to take your ass down… one thing i don’t agree with is how you said “You can never achieve greatness if you’re willing to play dirty/cheat- sure, sometimes these people get ahead, but they’re hated for it.”

    I know way too many people who did, and they may not be my favorite person but their definitely not HATED for it. If i was to hate on them for knowing how to play the game, i would be that jealous coworker… to make it in a competitive market you CANT be nice… it just doesn’t work like that

    if my experience as an intern has taught me ONE thing it’s that you have to wear the skin of a sheep yet carry yourself as wolf, “A sheep’s skin. A sheep never marauds, a sheep never deceives, a sheep is magnificently dumb and docile. With a sheepskin on his back, a fox can pass right into the chicken coop” one of my FAVORITE quotes

    #sadtruth

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