Its time to get real. I know I said you Joonies could meet my parents, but this is an even more intimate relationship
Cause it’s ME + Flaming Hot Cheetos,Til Death Do Us Part.
But do you know why that is?
Because it is the snack of champions. Eff Wheaties, if you can eat them on a drive, WITHOUT water, you’ve got it in you. & FlamingHotCheetos (FHC-i use a lot of acronyms during the day, here’s another to add to the list)- is also about the American dream: Did you know the idea for this snack came from a janitor in the Frito-Lay company?
But before you guys sign off cause SAAGHI’s gone batshitcray, I want to emphasize something else I love about FHC: how it made me BFFs with all my…BFFs.
Now, maybe some of you don’t champion the Cheeto (try it with FAGE, and die ). Maybe you like the Lays, maybe you like the FROYO, or maybe you’re all about Cheesecake.
Food Brings Girls Together.
More than trashy reality TV (not sustainable), FOOD is like a sealant between women– especially if they can enjoy the same guilty pleasures, and then whine about their over-consumption afterwards.
*Clearly, when I say Food- I don’t mean your daily ‘sustenance’, i mean the extra treats that you treat yourself to. Often.
Food is like sex between women, especially Persian ones. Let me tell you why this argument is scientifically and culturally sound:
1- Sex & Fessenjoon:
For most people, your brain highlights SEX as a rewarding activity, and a rush that makes you want to do it again. and again. You can thank Dopamine- a neurotransmitter that makes you feel like a million dollars.
Guess what else– when you eat Fessenjoon, Dopamine also makes you feel like a million bucks.
The higher-calorie the food, the more rush of DOPE.
So the next best thing to having sex with your friends, is eating a cupcake with them.
I mean, you could also do drugs with them, gamble and commit crimes but we suggest the FHC.
2. All Junk Food is Created Equal.
Thankfully there’s no ‘Status’ that comes with Junk Food. There’s not one Cheeto that drives a Bentley, and one that drives a Kia (Is dat a Kia Sorrento??-OMIDJOON). Mass production makes everyone equal, down to the last chip.
Although I have been known to eye my friend’s cinnamon buns when they’re squishier than mine…and that sounds dirty but its not. So Persian Girls never feel one-upped if someone gets the ’30% MORE FREE!’ bag, because its all the same ish– and you’re bringing more dope to the gathering.
Now those same girls, can’t even enjoy a club setting with good music (which also provides good dope) if some khanoom is wearing so-and-so dress, or with so-and-so guy.
Food Never Creates Drama.
3. Endless, Has No End.
Now some girls have no shame fighting over the last Mozzerella stick, but most of the time– the lack of scarcity of FOOD– and the pressure to consume “not-so-much of it” also eases tension.
There’s only a few good Persian Guys left in the world, but guess what- Frito Lay, with billions in revenue, will always be close to your doorstep.
4. FOOD >BOYS. #always.
I sincerely have asked my meth (BFFs)–
“how will I ever love a guy, as much as I love food?”
Will there ever be a day that I’ll look forward to seeing some dude’s face after an exhausting day who is NOT Chester Cheeto? And it sounds weird, but
Girls use Food as Coping Mechanisms.
This is something with far-reaching consequence– which Farrah and I will touch on when we feel more serious. But really, its Food is Comfort. Food is Pain Relief. Food is your Dad who Didn’t Love you Enough. or the Professor that marked you down for grammar.
There’s a reason its a trillion dollar industry, joons.
Sometimes I get drunk, go to a club, JUST to grab some diner food afterwards. or sometimes, i give up half-way through a midterm because I’m looking forward to the consolation Pizza.
5. FOOD IS FRIENDSHIP:
Now adding all of the reasons above and including that Persians like to eat on a much larger scale than most (just bust out a pic of your last mehmooni table- who eats four types of rice?) — Persian Girls were progammed to bond over Food.
It makes us feel good, equal, un-threatened, and stable.
These are all necessary ingredients for the foundation of great friendships.
That’s why I’m convinced Sharing a bag of Lay’s is like Sharing a bag of Love.
(& I hope one day Frito Lay recruits me as part of their marketing squad #dreamjob)
TWEET ME: @SAAGHI_JOON