It’s been too long Joonies,
Actually it probably hasn’t been that long for you guys—but for me: internet-less, bed-less, and up to a day ago homeless—it feels like FOREVER.
I haven’t tweeted, blogged, or even TUMBLR’d like I usually do. But as soon as the Comcast GUY gets his act together, we’ll be reunited soon.
This post is all about me, because if you haven’t realized thus far—I’ve kind of been alone lately. (FYI I’m too proud to use the word lonely) so there’s not much else going on to talk about–I’ve been isolated from my social life, which before would always be fixed tanks to technology (PETROSSI shoutout!) – but with just four naked walls and an empty apartment, there isn’t much escaping from the reality that I am… utterly alone.
I mean people that I love and care about are only a phone call or a text away, but you can only distract yourself so much. I knew this was coming, but somehow I thought it’d be a bit different…
Growing up, I always liked being on my own—doing one-person activities like puzzles, drawing, watching scary movies. In fact, my best memories are from times when it was just me.
I’ll admit- I don’t think being a loner 5 year old is that cool, but I think it helped me become more of a risk-taker because I developed a sort of self-confidence relatively young. I don’t like things to stay the same, and I don’t like to be comfortable—and I trust myself when I’m doing random sh!t to shake things up (hence why I’m where I am now). I’ve always looked at the roadmap of my “life plan” as a journey that I’d take myself on—and it’d be all I need.
Sounds fucking fabulous, right? Independent Persian Girl needs no one, rocks to the beat of her own drummer….
Yeah…well now, that I have all the “me time” in the world—
I find it pretty awkward to be alone with myself.
& maybe that’s weird for you Joonies to understand, but really- that movie CastAway should clue you in:
I do want to make a person out of a volleyball and call him Wilson.
That way, when I trip through the door with groceries in hand, I have someone to laugh with.
I’m not complaining, because it’s really not TOUGH—or unbearable, I haven’t hit “seemeh akhar” (last straw) and grown out the Persian Girl Facial Hair …
It’s just that now I’ve decided that being a one-woman-show is not worth the bragging rights. It’s true:
No man is an island. And a strong person isn’t someone who chooses to be alone, but someone who goes on despite being alone.
I used to interchange being alone for “independent”—but they’re two very different things.
Your independence can co-exist with other people. But being alone, doesn’t necessarily make you independent.
There are plenty of days I’ve done nothing of worth when I’ve been by myself, and quite frankly people are good at being independent when they’re “alone” because there are other alternatives. For example, I wanted time for myself, when the rest of my time was taken up constantly by other people. That “me” time was valuable because it was scarce, and so I used it better.
And on top of it, independence is nothing you have to PROVE by being alone.
In fact, I think if you can do your own thing and make your own decisions while being suffocated with people around you—then you’re really thinking for yourself.
& while this post may be a “DUH” moment for you guys, for me it was a big surprise. Because I always turned to “being alone” as the default to “being independent”
But you work for your independence, alone just happens sometimes.
I know this loneliness is a phase we all go through, but I just needed some extra joonie time.
TWEET ME: @SAAGHI_JOON