I feel like I’ve been a little MIA- but I could really use the distraction tonight and I swear I have a good excuse… let’s just call it, MARKET RESEARCH.
Excuses? Yeahhhh… my bad. Let me explain.
I have pretty strict rules when it comes to dating.
Not because my mom would disapprove of anything less, but because I just don’t like losing control– issues? I think so. If I give “it” up quickly, then that guy is automatically considered “un-dateable…” at least in my mind. I instantly write them off as a “hook-up” or “friends with benefits” because ultimately, I don’t really want to give it up immediately to the guy I’m dating. Ideally, I want him to work for it.
It goes both ways– you might think I’m easy for letting you f#ck me, but I think you’re easy for lasting x minutes.
Don’t ask me how I come up with these rules, but it’s always worked for me… until now.
I met this Persian guy recently through some friends- and I was instantly interested. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but there is something just incredibly sexy about a guy who can spit out Farsi like it’s no big deal. So of course, one of the first nights we all hang out in a group- with drinks involved- we end up making out.
And the next night, one thing led to another and we ended up hooking up for real. I’m not really sure what motivated me to do it– regardless, it happened. And it was really great.
NO REGRETS. TRUE STORY.
And since then, it’s happened on multiple occasions. We’ve somehow gone from having sex to hanging out to enjoying each other’s company to liking each other.
Suddenly, all my rules no longer applied.
And while things have been great between with us– we still have challenges that we (fine… just me) aren’t ready to deal with. Do we tell our mutual PERSIAN friends? What will they say? Does it really matter…? What if it doesn’t work out– will I forever be the girl who just gave it up to him? Will it be awkward?
I have all these questions in my mind and trying to overcome them– I’ve realized that my biggest reason for my “dating rules” is because of the fear of judgement from my fellow Persians– specifically my peers.
I’m a big believer in doing what makes YOU happy because at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to look back and live with your decisions. However, at the same time, I hate dealing with the pressure.
And at first– I tried to make the excuse that keeping it a secret allows us to maintain OUR privacy- really just enjoy this for ourselves without dealing with other people getting involved. But we all make excuses for our fear.
I simply hate seeing that look in another Persian girl’s eyes for judging ME for giving head… when she’s known to open her legs after a shot of vodka.
Persian judgement is unfair, hypocritical, and useless.
But somehow, we still manage to make our decisions based on the fear that we will be “less” of a person for doing what makes US happy.
I find it ironic that I can confide in my non-Persian friend who encourages me to “go for it” and be happy… but I’m too afraid to confide in my Persian friend. And afraid of what? That they’ll judge me for being happy? Does that make sense?
It’s sad really– that some [Persian] girls who cheat, lie and sleep around in private have the audacity to talk shit about other girls who are open about their sexuality. Nothing wrong with having sex, as long as you don’t judge others for doing exactly what you do.
This ridiculous judgement and fear of being “hated on” by Persian girls in my circle is starting to have toll on my dating life and at a certain point, you just have to realize that these girls aren’t going to be on that high horse forever.
I’m not trying to ruin something with someone just because some girl might have a problem with it– at the end of the day, if someone really has some cajones/BALLS/guts/whatever, they would talk all that shit to my face.
It takes a coward to badmouth you behind your back, but act like your best friend to your face.
And quite frankly, I’m not trying to keep people like that around. But a guy that I like spending time with and really enjoy hooking up with… I’d like that to last a little longer than a second.
Secrets don’t make friends.
And ultimately, I don’t want him to feel bad just because I have reservations about going forward out of fear.
So F#CK the rules– good things come and go– enjoy it while it lasts and don’t be afraid of the dumb b!tches who can’t handle your happiness :) Since when do they have the right to dictate your dating life?
TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON