All-Star CockBlock

salaaam.

I’ve been so MIA. even though I apologized for it last week? I seem like those douchey guys I can’t get enough of …

Well, it hasn’t been all work and no play– that’s why there’s so much to catch you guys up on, like totally OMG! I had quite the weekend, but I need to collect my..uh..thoughts..before I post it all over the WWW.

tears of joy, i promise.

But a few weeks ago I had an epiphany– in the backseat of my car, high out of my mind with the only other PURRsian I can stand to get stoned with ;)

I am my own cockblock.

I am my own natural contraceptive, and I did not know this until the moment where I started really imagining what things looked like from the guy’s perspective– and of course, I could only do this if I was very high because my empathy usually only extends to women #sexism.

Maybe all of this will be “uh, duh!” for you all, but for me its kind of shocking:

1. You’re not Funny to someone who you have never met.

I never really hesitate to crack a joke, or a sarcastic remark– even if I have only met the guy for a few seconds. My logic isn’t “hide behind sarcasm”, its more– ooo there’s an opportunity, go for it! And I always assume people will get it, and even if they don’t…maybe they’ll find it endearing?

Nope.

image

Like when I tell a guy my voice sounds like a cow dying?  Hahaa?

My quick “seize the moment” reflex doesn’t always make sense to the other person and I realize now I can quickly go from “girl I’m trying to get to know” to “uh, girl just got weird on me”.

Jokes usually need context, or a little backstory. Especially via email, text, fbook– so much sarcasm and “wit” and “humor” gets lost in translation.

You gotta take it slow, and I don’t mean the sex– I mean the humor. Now I know, you have to ease people into your funny self.  its a marathon, not a sprint.

2.  The Slang

I use slang because it makes me feel young, and I’m obsessed with pop culture. Words that are like little time capsules of our time, it is totes awesome and I don’t care if it makes me sound un-sophisticated. BUT…

Slang words are a lot like Fashion, and you don’t dress like lady gaga for a first date.

because if you did, you wouldn’t come off as ‘avant-garde’…you’d be psychotic.

Everyone is extra-classy when they start dating, and I’ve always left the fake and pretentious at the door, but the way that you speak can communicate a lot more than just content– it can be a representation of where you grew up, where you’ve been, what music you like etc. And in the beginning, when you’re trying to get to know someone, your brain auto-picks from the cues that are available.

So if I want to be heard for everything that I say, I can’t really slang it up without risking sending a lot of unintended ‘cues’.

So I’m leaving CRAY and RATCHET for the third date.

3. Resting BitchFace Syndrome.

A lot of persian girls have it. I don’t know if its the dark features, or that we like the bitch look– but I guess, from my demeanor, I don’t look very approachable.

If I had a dollar for everytime I’ve heard “I thought you hated me at first, but you’re actually very nice“, I’d be able to buy some botox to plaster a permanent smile on my face. (In fact, Farrah has said this to me more than a few times—and I love her.)

This blog should be indication enough that I don’t take myself very seriously, so the idea that my outward appearance is so different from what I’m really like inside– it shocks me. But it makes sense, because when I consciously try to smile more– VOILA! all of a sudden, my starbucks barista thinks I’m great conversation and a random stranger compliments my jacket.

There aren’t many people out there who like to approach the unapproachable. I mean, no one likes to get close to a grizzly bear, right? Especially if it looks like its foaming at the mouth.

So that’s enough cockblocking for me, Ill let my feminism do that for me later!

Let me know if there are any other ways that one can CB, and I’ll add it to the list! AND I PROMISE next post will be sex-filled and sextastic. No more fessenJOONIE stuff.

Speaking of which, canNOT wait to start putting our S&F Gear on the website, look out for that soon!

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

TWEET ME: @SAAGHI_JOON

CB #1.

SAAGHI  ساقی
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Comments

  1. I would love some merchandise, but not sure what mama and baba would thinking about ‘Sex & Joon’ on my shirt. They’d probably think it’s my new way to attract Persian guys for sex. More cute and funny Persian parent-friendly gear, please?

  2. Uh yes, bitchface. Not only can it cockblock, it looks bad when you go into an interview or meet with potential future bosses…..I don’t think it’s because of dark features though, Persian girls with light features have it too. I’m not exactly sure why though, but I see it more in girls than I see it in guys…

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