As most of you know – I’m back home right now visiting the fam and Saaghi joooooooon. Saaghi is slaving away at work right now so you guys are stuck with me. Someone’s gotta make the $$$ to support me (looking at you Saaghi joonam). Shout out to all of you who answered the poll in our last post –– Let’s just say 99% of you will never share your sex life with your parents.
Personally – I let my mom think that I share everything with her, but if that were the honest to God truth — then I have been celibate for the last five years.
As “cool” as my mom thinks she is when it comes to sharing intimate details of my life, she still kicked me at the house at 18 when she found out I had given head.
I’ve been having a lot of R&R time with Saaghi – which totally beats out Skype dates because we can talk all about sex for as long as we want.
When I first lost my virginity – I went through a series (okay by series, I mean two) of hookups. I had finally lost the V-CARD and I suddenly felt this sense of freedom. I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, that I didn’t need to hold back when I was with a guy anymore because there wasn’t anything left to “lose.” There were no more hymens left to break, excuses to come up with to ward off unwanted penetration, etc.
It was exhilarating – not just because I could finally have sex, but it was something different than what I had been experiencing (third base). Within a span of a few months, I went from having one sexual partner to a total of three without even thinking twice about it (not all at once, thanks).
I didn’t really think about numbers when it came to sex. I just thought – hey this feels new and I want to keep trying it until it feels good. It was until I was in bed with a boy and he asked me what my “number” is that I started thinking, wait does this really matter?
I remember thinking, “Whew, at least it’s not high…” when I answered him. And for a long time – that’s what deterred me from having sex.
My community and the fear of actually losing my virginity no longer discouraged me from having sex. Instead all of that fear was replaced by the pressure and threat of judgement if I had slept with 10+ people.
I made it a point to hold off from sex until I was in a relationship with someone — not because I thought that was the right thing to do or because I actually wanted to wait — I did this because I didn’t want my number to increase. I didn’t want to be considered a slut just because I had decided to have sex with someone I liked/attracted to.
Sex stopped being fun almost immediately when I realized that there is a new pressure around the number of people you have in your little black book.
And the most ironic part of it is that this fear of increasing your number doesn’t exactly hold true for guys. We see it all the time – how guys are able to have one night stands without being judged for it. We might think they’re a little dirty, but that won’t exactly stop them from getting girls.
My fear was in part encouraged by the fact that guys have no problem saying that if girl has been with over x number of people, then they likely won’t date her because she’s been “around.”
Double standards are a beautiful thing, aren’t they?
At the end of the day, who really gives a shit — as long as you’re HEALTHY and happy.
I’ve only reached this realization lately – and I just refuse to give in to this stereotype that we have to be somehow more “pure” than men when it comes to sex. What kind of outdated, sexist bullshit is this? If you’re not catching anything from me, then as far as I’m concerned, you can STFU.
And it was in this moment of realization that I also decided I will never tell a guy what my number is. And not because I’m ashamed or worried that they might judge me, but because it really isn’t any of their business.
If you’re dating/fucking me — then all you need to be concerned with is you… not the guys before you.
What do you think joonies?
TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON