Read my last post? Things were getting a little cray in the comments section (click here).
I dont intend to dedicate an entire post to my response but I think it’s time that maybe I just set some records straight — tell you all my opinion/beliefs.
Negative comments are hard – at the end of the day, Saaghi and I are only human. And while we encourage people to share their opinions, sometimes it hurts. But we knew what we got ourselves into and we are so lucky to even have this blog and the people who read it — whether they like it or not.
You don’t have to agree with what we write — as long as you read it.
I didn’t ask to be a woman. I didn’t ask to be Iranian.
I was born this way. I am an Iranian American woman and I refuse to claim otherwise.
I can’t imagine being someone different.
I was born into a set of expectations – cooker, mother, submissive.
I was born into the usual gender stereotypes where women are inferior to men. My parents talked about my wedding like it would be the most pivotal moment in my life. My accomplishments were supposed to be based on my ability to cook ghormeh sabzi without using a microwave and my tactics in safeguarding my virginity for the one.
Sorry but — I don’t believe that those factors define an Iranian woman.
A woman is a human with a vagina. A man is a human with a penis.
It took a long time (and a lot of fighting) for me to reach that conclusion.
But I believe that we are all individuals and only we can define what that means for OURSELVES.
So let me tell you what I believe in:
- I believe that we all have the right to do what we want as long as we are safe – whether that’s sex, refusing to use an oven, get a job, or move out of daddy’s home before marriage.
- I believe that sex isn’t defining.
- I believe that we are all worthy whether we are virgins or not – whether we believe in marriage or not – whether we believe in love or not – whether we judge or try not to.
- I believe that if we were born into an Iranian family – then we are all representative of the Iranian (American) generation regardless of whether we’ve been to Iran or not.
- I believe that discrimination is unfair no matter what the U.S./Iranian government (or our parents) tell us.
- I believe that it is only up to us to be educated enough to fight against discrimination and hate.
- I believe that we have to band together as a community if we ever want to make a difference.
- I believe that we should support one another – despite our differences – and instead of hating, we should embrace it – because we are all individuals with our own self-made belief system.
- I believe that I judge people.
- I believe you can never escape judgement – but that it’s up to you what you do with that judgement.
- I believe that I have made many mistakes – and I believe that while I have learned from some of them, I am still learning (and making more mistakes).
- I believe that food is amazing and I will eat it no matter how it’s prepared.
- I believe that sex feels great and you have the right to do it the way you choose to.
I do NOT believe that this makes me less of an Iranian — and “being less” Iranian than someone living in Iran or my mother doesn’t exist. We all face both hardships and advantages as a result of our heritage.
And furthermore, we all appreciate and believe in our culture. Instead of discriminating against someone for being born outside of Iran, we should all be proud that people of Iranian descent care enough to support a culture that has played such a big part in our upbringing.
Saaghi and I don’t write because we want people to stop judging us — if we didn’t want to face judgment, then sexandfessenjoon wouldn’t exist.
We write because people are afraid of talking about it.
There’s a reason some of us lie about our sexual experience or take it up the ass to maintain our hymen — because we are terrified of people judging us — naturally.
But there’s something very wrong with that — it only encourages the idea that we are doing something forbidden. Like so many of you have correctly pointed out, we live in the 21st century. Shouldn’t we be smart enough to care for our peers rather than separate ourselves from them?
That’s the problem – we’re all so afraid that we only end up alienating ourselves. Does that make any sense?
Calling people names only perpetuates this fear that we are all so different, and that there is a right way and a wrong way. But that “right way” doesn’t exist in a world where people are only trying to be themselves.
So if I am such a jendeh, then what does that make you?
TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON