Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas — I’m not trying to make a religious assertion here, but we know that most Iranians love to go all out for Christmas. Presents, the competition between families as to who has the better tree, who cooked the best dinner, who’s gained the most holiday weight, etc. – not that I’m complaining, I am not afraid to show off my holiday weight as long as they continue to feed me.
But I skipped PERSIAN/VERZION Christmas this year and instead hid out in a small town with some close friends. #cantcomplain
The best part about spending time with close friends during the holidays is not just the ability to avoid interrogations about where you’re going, what you’re eating, what you’re doing (love my family I swear) — but the best part really is being able to just talk about anything without worrying that your 16 year old brother is eavesdropping.
Most of my friends and I are pretty different. We all chose different areas of work to pursue, we have different tastes in guys, different interests, but when it comes to boy trouble – our issues are usually the same.
Confusion over relationships is universal.
Sometimes I feel like relationships aren’t as innocent they used to be. Back in high school, I had this boyfriend for two weeks and then that boyfriend for another two weeks. The concern over whether he had family values or was goal-oriented was never really an issue because in high school, we were in the moment rather than focusing on the future.
At least I was.
Now in my 20’s, every date I go on or every boy I meet, I go through a mental checklist to see if they meet up to my “desired needs” aka to see if they are list material.
I usually decide between the first five – ten minutes whether the guy I’m talking to meets my requirements (though I’ve been blinded many times).
We all have that ideal perfect man drawn up in our head.
- He has good goals and he’s motivated to work toward them.
- He’s successful.
- He is close with his family and he seems like he would get along with mine.
- Good sex.
- Unthreatened and supportive.
All these questions run through my mind if I’m talking to a guy. Scary, right? Conversations with guys aren’t just “conversations” anymore. I’m analyzing them. Relationships are no longer about living in the moment, now they’re suddenly this expectation.
The expectation that it is time to get married — and whether your “right fit” is out there.
This might sound a bit extreme – but it feels like I can’t even control it sometimes. I blame my parent’s constant questioning about my dating life.
“So Farrah, are you seeing anyvone? Vat does he do?”
I’ve had many failed relationships – and after everyone, I add one more thing to my ever growing list of qualities that I “don’t want in the next guy.” This all includes things like – can’t eat less than me to has to be more successful than me.
At a certain point, your list grows so long than no guy will ever quite live up to the expectations that you’ve set for them. Those “dream guys” don’t really exist because at a certain point, everyone has flaws or believes in something that you might disagree with.
That ideal “perfect man” doesn’t exist. Neither does the ideal “perfect woman.”
We are so set on finding what’s perfect that sometimes we just miss what’s right in front of us. This “checklist” that we all have mentally (don’t even try to deny it), is in essence worthless.
We should all have standards – but there’s a difference between standards and out of reach.
By creating a list, we are limiting ourselves and at the end of the day, none of us really know what it is that we are looking for – it just kind of happens.
I’ve been so set on not dating a number of “types” that I’ve basically alienated everyone and just lost complete faith that the “right” guy is out there. The search for someone “I connect with” felt lost because every guy that I met, I ultimately categorized them in the “un-listable” category.
No one can fulfill the checklist requirements – it isn’t humanly possible. Happiness comes in all different shapes and lists.
So here’s to bringing in the New Year with no list in mind and the ability to have an open mind. Give new people a chance – because it’s never really fair to be as judgmental as you want to be.
Fuck the list. It’s not big enough to keep you warm anyway.
TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON