Cuddle On Your Own Time.

Hihi joonies,

Happy Monday! (oxymoron I know). My family is visiting me this week and it’s been just great… granted my pants don’t fit me anymore – and it’s only been two days. #controlproblems

It doesn’t exactly help when my dad keeps telling me that I eat like a monster and that one day, I’m going to get very fat if I’m not careful. But then I look at my mom’s skinny ass and just hope that I got her genes.

Anyway, read Saaghi’s latest post? (click here).

Like Saaghi said, before we give up the v card – it”s all about the kissing. First kisses are probably one of the most nerve-wrecking moments in our adolescent years. I personally, was chugging my Irooni-estyle Capri Sun (aka aab anar) as if it were going to somehow transform me into an amazing kisser.

first

Kissing is probably the most intimate part of sex. Without kissing, you’re just fucking to be fucked.

We think of sex as this hugely monumental, intimate action between two people — and while it is, sometimes sex is just sex.  I’ve encountered this stereotype where guys think that I am somehow going to develop intimate emotions toward them if we are having sex.

And while sex is intimate no matter how you feel about the person – there are different levels of intimacy:

1. Naked Intimacy: You’re intimate because you are naked together. They are seeing you differently than most people would – literally. And that is where it ends – emotions are limited because you’re intimacy solely rests on the fact that you’re about to have this person inside of you and frankly, your interest ends there.

2. Blatant Intimacy: You care for your partner and you want the world to see – or rather, you just don’t care who sees you groping your man’s sac. I personally, hate these people.

3. Intimacy: Caring for someone and sharing those emotions with them through your actions – whether it’s sex or picking up their laundry without bitching about it.

Personally, I am not a fan of intimacy – it makes me feel out of control in a relationship. I feel like I am losing my independence if I am intimate toward another person. AKA I’m scared.

intimate

The ability to tell someone I have an emotional attachment toward them horrifies me. So for me, sex may not be as big of a deal, but kissing is.

The only time I’ve ever told a guy I “love him” — I remember thinking it was real because our kiss was so amazing. I felt fireworks and my heart skipped a beat — and none of that came from sex. It only happened the instant when I felt his lips on mine.

Since that happened, I’ve been searching for the replacement. Every guy I’ve dated, I wait for “that special kiss” because I feel like that is how I will know that he is right for me. A little naive…

But I tend to think that love can be naive.

naive

Since moving across the country, I’ve had a series of relationships – some serious and some not so much. I make decisions regarding my relationships on a whim. Within five minutes, I know when I want to just have sex with the guy or if I want to be close to him.

And if it’s just sex, I feel this overwhelming sense of awkwardness if they just want to make out. It doesn’t feel right… I feel like I am somehow cheating myself out of just a meaningless hook up to clear up the cobwebs down there.

Awhile back, I met this guy at a bar – and he was sexy. I was incredibly attracted to him – good looks, intelligent (surprisingly), older… I wanted it. Pretty badly. And I just didn’t have the hos to go through the dating game to make it happen. So I did what any horny girl would do and said, “I’m not looking for a boyfriend, if you know what I mean…”

And he was down. Like I said, I decide within minutes if I want to date someone, ignore them, or have sex with them. So ve had de sex dige. You know.

And it was unbelievable. Mind-blowing. And completely – unromantic, un-intimate and exactly what I needed at the time.

F#cking at it’s finest.

We didn’t kiss once.

kiss

You might think this makes me a whore, but for me – it’s a win. I got the hook-up I wanted. I didn’t want the emotional baggage or the eye contact — and the blindfold really helped with that.

Sex can be incredibly intimate because of out all the outside factors – the kissing, eye contact, keeping your face close to his… etc. And while all of that feels amazing (a guaranteed finish) – sometimes you’re in bed with a guy because you just want to have sex.

Not that I encourage to do this with every guy — but I guess this was mind-blowing for me because it’s what I wanted… and I’d never had it. I’ve had sex outside of relationships before, but there was always a sense of intimacy that developed over time – causing me to end it soon thereafter (and by end it, I mean – ignore texts… so mature). 

To me, relationships are permanent – the vulnerability requires you to invest more than just time into a commitment. And I don’t like risking that outcome when I only see my counterpart as a good lay.  I believe it is important to “be ready” before getting into a relationship, and if I’m not ready – then why risk it?

So what do you think joonies – would you be down with sex + no kissing? LEMME KNOW.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

KISSme,

FARRAH فرح
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Comments

  1. Maybe it’s the result of being part of the generation that is coming of age in the highly unromantic “hook-up” culture, but I agree. Kissing during sex is a whole other level of intimacy–and therefore, in my opinion, reserved only for someone I really have feelings for. There’s a time and a place for just a good time when you’re not in a relationship, absolutely–but no kissing! :)

  2. Not applying to you at all, but no kissing + sex + someone I dont know would kinda make me feel like a prostitute

  3. I wish i had your state of mind when it comes to this, i’m only 19 so i don’t want a relationship but i keep find myself getting attached in this type of situation. Any advice?

    • Hey there,

      Thanks for your comment! I have to be honest – it took me a LONG time to be able to separate my feelings from sex. I used to always get attached too even if I didn’t want a relationship.

      But as I got older- I became more specific in what I wanted in a relationship and what I didn’t. Once I had discovered what my real “needs” are, it became easier for me to separate my feelings from someone who I didn’t see a future with.

      I think it just takes time! :)

      Hope that helps. Always look at the person you are with and try to keep sex out of the equation… that way you can determine if you see a future with them or not… If you don’t see a future with them and you have sex, just remind yourself of the moment and the reasons why you originally said you don’t want to be with him longterm.

      xo,
      Farrah

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