Meet Nima: He’s Meeting Mommy Joon

Hey joonies,

It’s about time we got some quality Peeersian men on this blog. So please meet Nima –  no golden doodool complex here, just 100% Irooni man. Read his post and offer your most invaluable joonie advice:

I’ve been seeing this Persian girl for close to six months now. This week, I have the pleasure of meeting her mother for the first time. Her mother, who lives out of town, will be here for a couple of days, meaning that I have no alternative choice.

I wish I could say that I have to take my baba to the pharmacist, which he loves visiting, but she knows my parents are far from this city. I am meeting her.

Nothing short of a hysterectomy is getting me out of this one.

parents

A few background notes:

In case you didn’t realize that I still refer to my dad as “baba” in my 20s, I am Persian. My girlfriend has never “tasted home cooking” before, and this may be due to her mother’s insistence on keeping away from indecent Irooni boys.

Nevertheless, my coarse chest hair would exemplify my Persian-ness.

I am younger than my girlfriend. I gather her mother to be a very progressive woman, and she wishes her daughter to live a professional life.

However, she also wishes for her daughter to be taken care of like a 50s housewife.

My inferior age doesn’t scream immaturity, yet she’s not thrilled with her daughter dating a younger man. I am not an engineer nor a doctor, and, most importantly, I am not on my way to becoming one.

This one is a constant amongst Iranian parents. Whether it be their child, their child’s friend or their child’s partner, if you’re not aiming to be an engineer or a doctor, you might as well go work in a “pomp-e-benzeen” (Translation: gas station).

Lastly, I have a moustache. I’m not talking about the artist formerly known as Prince’s moustache. I’m talking about a Daniel Day-Lewis in Gangs of New York moustache. Yes, with the curls.

I am a younger Persian man, who is not to become an engineer or doctor, with a seebil.

persian

Now, in my personal opinion, I must say that I wish I was meeting her baba. You may think that I am crazy, but I believe it to be much easier to meet a Persian girl’s father. Meeting a Persian girl’s father isn’t necessarily a matter of politeness or professionalism. A Persian girl’s father simply does not want to be reminded that you’re sticking it to his daughter. No sitting beside her. No touching. No playful laughter. No looking dreamily into her eyes.

Act like you’re there to see him.

A Persian mother is a different story.

I never know what a Persian mother is thinking.

Usually my own mother wants to go to my “ghorboon” and tell me that I’m not fat enough. Other times she wants to emphasize how I don’t appreciate her.

Then there are the moments where she is over-feeding me and criticizing my lack of love for her simultaneously; “You love your faadder more DAN me!! Eat dis chiKen”. Persian men I can understand, stroke their ego and be mindful.

I don’t get women. More so Iranian women.

I may not understand Iranian women, but I will definitely be taking flowers. I am not taking them to impress her, I’m only taking them so she can’t later say that he brought nothing.

Let’s not kid ourselves, Iranians love it when guests come empty handed. It gives them a topic of conversation for weeks. I tend to be very chatty and humorous.

My greatest task will be keeping myself in line. Nothing about the “Rashti” man with loose morals. Nothing about my briefs in her daughter’s bottom drawer. Nothing about the handcuffs that we’ve hidden out of sight. I will speak of my admiration for her daughter’s wisdom, beauty and depth.

pine

I will not speak of my affection for her dirty Farsi talk in bed, her “koon” and how long she can hold her breath under water.

I will go in there, show I admire her daughter, and charm the figurative pants off of her.

I cannot fail.

Joonies – what advice would you give to Nima joon here? How can he make sure his girlfriend’s madar doesn’t throw him out of the house? How do you woo a Persian mother? HELP HIM OUT!

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Comments

  1. oh boy, I’m a persian mother and honestly I did not understand what you are talking about. What is your question. Of course you will not talk about your sex life with her or any mother for that matter. Of course you will be polite and respective towards her and again with any mother in general. So what is your confusion here? You have not met her and are already judging her in your mind thinking that she will look down on you because you are not a doctor or an engineer and not on your way to become one with a mustache. OK, how do you know that’s what she’s concerned about? Frankly my dear, you are confusing yourself and going too far. You are not marrying her daughter, so what do you care what she thinks of your career choice. In the first place, any mother who meets the “boyfriend” wants to make sure that the boy is a nice person, has good personality and is gentle and loving towards her daughter. So, if you listen to me as a persian mother, just be yourself and don’t try to impress her too much. You don’t know what the future has for you and this girl, so don’t go too far. Oh, I can go for ever but then it gets boring.

  2. Billy Django says:

    Hilarious!

  3. I am not sure if Nima’s story was meant to be left with a question? I think it is more a commentary on the traditional expectations that young people face. It may seem like a generalization however I know from personal experience that Nima is not veering too far from reality. My mother is very similar to the example that he gave, perhaps Sara you are different from the rest of your cohort which is refreshing and good to hear.

    I look forward to hearing more from Saaghi, Farah and this pesar :)
    ps. kudos on the ‘stache

  4. I just want to say good luck man. Meeting the mother….not easy, thanks for putting it out there brother. From the sounds of it though i’d say you got nothing to worry about. Clearly you got a great personality, and I’m sure that this girl’s mother will see that.

    If she doesn’t, hit me up and we’ll grab a beer. It’s always nice to meet new people, specially since the divorce. Anyway…

    Great article Nima, keep them coming. I want more Nima!

    Sincerely,

    your pal Brian

    P.S. I don’t get women either!!!

  5. awesome article hahaha, it made my day man

    I’ve been dating a persian girl for four years now, and I agree you can never think what the mother is thinking but I would agree that it doesn’t really matter right now at this stage anyway. One stark difference between us and non-iranians is that no matter what societal class you are, politeness is expected, so just being “ba tarbiat” will probably get you 90% of the way. The rest is just showing you’re mature and thinking about your future. Sound like a really funny guy so that should just hit the ball out of the park!

    good luck,

    JS

  6. I really think you need to show us a pic of your Moustache! :)

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