One of my biggest pet peeves is when friends in relationships turn to me and assure me to “not worry” and that I will “find someone.”
The same goes with any advice columns in women’s magazines that prey on women and girls’ insecurities. They proceed to tell me all the things I ‘m doing wrong, and all the ways in which I could change myself so that I can meet that special person.
I’ve heard my fair share of advice on how to meet guys. EVERY SINGLE piece of “advice” about how to meet guys and what I should do to meet that someone special that I can swab spit with regularly.
After hearing all of this, I can safely say that all of these morsels of “truth” are bullshit.
How many times have you heard that girls have to be confident to get a guy?
I’m all for girls being confident and working on their self-esteem, but for themselves, not for a guy.
Plus, this is absolute BULL SHIT. I’ve lost count of the number of immature, self conscious, and oblivious girls that have boyfriends lining up for them. You probably know at least one girl who is a mess, lacks self-esteem, but somehow has a boyfriend.
You are intimidating:
I was once told that I should be more docile so that men don’t feel intimidated by me. To this piece of useless advice I say: FUCK YOU. If being in a relationship is more important than being comfortable in my own strength and who I am, then I don’t want a relationship.
If a guy is so sensitive that he cannot take a woman with goals and opinions because it makes him feel like he is losing his man-hood, then I don’t need his bullshit.
Everyone has vulnerabilities and instances where they need to be taken care of, but I’m not going to exploit that in myself just to land a relationship. I’m not going to act like a “docile” caricature just to be in a relationship… sorry bout it.
Don’t be needy/high maintenance:
On the other end, apparently if you are “needy” you will never find a guy. WTF? I don’t know how many girls I know who are extremely needy and high maintenance AND have boyfriends waiting on their every single need. Some of these girls have been in multiple relationships. Some of the girls I know are needy in so many different ways, it is just amazing to me they found someone on multiple occasions to deal with their bullshit.
It will happen when you are least expecting it:
This piece of insight always sounds like a cliché romantic comedy to me, and I’m not about to let this cloud my judgment. You can’t go about life not pursuing certain opportunities because you are trying to go about it not to expect something. And you know, sometimes expectations are nice.
Expectations help you understand what you want.
I’m not saying you should have extremely high expectations about every date, or every interaction with someone- but have some standards, please. Also, the last time I checked nothing comes from just sitting and waiting for friends, opportunities, jobs, and relationships to come to you…
You have to go out there and get it.
These are just a few of the “kernels of truth” that I have heard. The way I see it, there is no particular ONE way of dating or finding someone to date. The only thing we can do is allow ourselves the opportunity, and to open ourselves up to that opportunity.
Don’t let the buzz and murmur about the perfect way to meet someone cloud your head. Everyone has an opinion, but it is not a science.
It is based solely on personal experiences and can only apply to individuals. You can’t take someone’s life lessons and expect them to apply 100% to your life situation. You shouldn’t even completely listen to what I say! For the time being, I’m just going to nod along to these pieces of advice and go about my life.
JOONIES – WHAT’S THE WORST ADVICE YOU’VE BEEN GIVEN?