I’m DTF, Am I Going to Hell?

Hey joonies,

We got a white girl on the blog.

We know Saaghi really hates on them, but today we have a special guest post from  SiennaWe thought it was time to show Iranian girls everywhere: White girls struggle with some of the same issues that we do and Sienna is a true testament to that.  So read on and be enlightened:

When it comes to sex, Catholics and Muslims are NOT THAT DIFFERENT.  Surprised? Both religions place virginity on a pedestal.

Both religions teach women that if you lose it: 

(1). you’ve committed a seriously immoral act (meaning you’re now a WHORE).

(2).  you HAVE to marry him or your life will be over.

Trust me– I’ve seen it.  My Catholic friend entered college convinced she’d save it  for her wedding night… and two years later drunkenly had sex with her boyfriend.  Now she’s forcing herself to stay in a horrible, unhealthy relationship because she’s convinced she HAS to marry him.

I understand the reasoning behind this religious pressure — who wants to teach their kids its okay to bang every piece of ass that walks by?  But shame will not (and never has) deterred people from shacking up… all the religious pressure just makes sex LESS HEALTHY and MORE DANGEROUS. 

Case in point:

My Catholic university did not hand out a single condom in the health center, never breached the topic of sex in our mandatory health classes freshman year, and anyone caught having sex would be kicked off campus. But do you think that the threat of being thrown out of school ever deterred COLLEGE KIDS from having sex? NO F*CKING WAY. We just didn’t talk about it and judged everyone who did it (even if we were doing it, or were just jealous). And that is NOT HEALTHY.

Here’s why –

First reason should be a no-brainer really: condoms prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy- and no one really wants to get screwed in THAT way… just sayin’.

And the second reason pisses me off even more: making sex such a TABOO topic, such forbidden act, teaches people to be ashamed. 

For too long I lived with this GUILT stemming from everything sexual… making out with my high school boyfriend in the backseat, going to second base with the cute guy from that dorm party, and heaven forbid… MASTURBATING.  If you’re reading this and laughing, thinking how prude I am… well you might be right.  That’s what sucks the most.  Along with the guilt of being sexual, comes the JUDGEMENT from others.

Get this: I’m a virgin (no shame either– ladies give it up when you want to, no sooner and no later).  And yet, I’ve been called a whore and a slut (stories for a different time). 

It took me way too long to realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of.  I’m 22 and just becoming comfortable with my sexuality, and that sucks.  I wish I would’ve realized sooner because all of that shame and religious pressure made me really INSECURE.  Its inevitable really: When your parents, your priest, your friends are teaching you to keep it in your pants till you’re married, to reject what is NATURAL and HEALTHY and FUN… well you’ll end up not knowing up from down.

Religion has always been a part of my life, not through force or pressure, but because I think it is important.  And I used to think that sex was something special — something to be saved for marriage.  My boyfriend thought the same thing, so it was never an issue.  But as the years passed, I met people who exposed me to a new, radical idea: sex isn’t always sacred.

Yes it certainly can be.  And at times, it should be.  But I’ve come to realize that sex doesn’t mean everything, and neither does my virginity.  So I no longer plan on waiting for marriage, but I also don’t plan on losing my virginity to a guy I meet at 3 am in a seedy bar.  I’ll never be the type to sleep around, and I know that. But I also know that my first time, while not meaning everything, doesn’t mean nothing. So until I find someone I want to share that moment with, I’ll wait.  And that’s MY choice.  

Here’s the bottom line: SEX and RELIGION are NOT incompatible.  

You can be religious, you can believe in God and be a good person, you can go to Heaven and still be sexually active.  Whether you think you were created by an act of God, Allah, or your parents and a bottle of wine, you shouldn’t be ashamed of your body and how you were created.  NO religion should make you feel bad about yourself and your sexuality.  

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US 

Love,
Sienna سیعنا

Let Me Pretend I Care…OK I’m Done.

HELLLOOOOOO

Imagine if I started this post by saying:

“OMG. SO hungry”

“Ugh can’t find one pair of my socks, dont you hate when that happens?”

“Cooking FESSENJOON with @FARRAH, loving life!”

—guess what you joons would think–“well, i really kinda dont care”. Maybe some of you guys wouldn’t be as polite, and just navigate to a different webpage or send us some email saying “wtf are you writing about” to sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

Well, thats how I feel about certain people when I login to facebook, twitter, tumblr, take YOUR PICK!

What is this world coming to? Updating social media with constant statuses on your life, your emotional health, or even physical health (ex: “Feeling so sick today! BOO!”) — you’re inflating your ego.

Do you really think we care?

NO. Even if we pretend we do– we really don’t give a fuck. I personally don’t care how you’re feeling at some random moment, unless it is relevant to MY existence. Does that sound selfish? Its not, its NORMAL.

*by we i mean the rest of the victims of your overshare: your fbook friends, twitter followers, etc.

People already are very self-centered: they think they are the center of the universe– that is natural– but all that social media does is inflate this notion.

All of a sudden, emotions and moments aren’t passing or fleeting, they are documented phenomenas.

PREGAMING @Tinas house! My girls are my life

Guess how many fucks I give?

Feeling low, I hate my job– need a vacation

…..really?

DAY 3 OF MY NEW YEARS DIET! GO ME!

…………………….REALLY? do you want me to ‘LIKE’ this and tell you what a great job you’re doing? Because at the end of the day, if you eat a fucking cookie or run 10 miles–I dont give a shit. Since when were personal accomplishments valued against the applause they got?

Anyway, I’ve gotten it down to 4 categories (some overlap):

1. The Emotional Oversharers: Yeah, they’re the ones updating you every second on how they’re feeling, often its depressing statuses that seem more like vague Emma Bronte poems. Or about how ambitious they are “Feeling ambitious today, time to kick ass!”…uh..OK? is that supposed to inspire me to not procrastinate my responsibilities? Who made you fckin Lance Armstrong.

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2. The Lyricists: We all love music, sometimes we love certain lyrics TOO much we’ll say it at inopportune times (“BALL SO HARD”) but song lyrics were not meant to be photo captions or statuses. I dont care if you look like Megan Fox, I will be LOLing very heard when I see a “behind these hazel eyes” as your profile caption. Or even better– “my chick bad, my chick hood, my chick do stuff dat yo chick wish she could”…..I’ve seen that as a caption to a very random self portrait, and I have almost died laughing.

3. The Life-Flaunters: These are the people that tell you where they are, what they’re doing, all the time– and I really believe they think they’re mini-celebrities. Do they realize they just facilitate stalking? Oh, but they like the attention? Oh, so they’re attention whores. Got it. But really, these people tell you things as if to make their lives a billboard, here’s a FBOOK UPDATE: FRIENDS ARE NOT FANS.

Having 2000 friends, and 2000 stalkers doesn’t make you a Kardashian, it makes you a joke.

and please please please-I’ve seen this a lot–don’t endorse brands, if they’re NOT paying you or you work for them. “Just had HONEST TEA, the.best.tea.ever”– if I ask you for a tea recommendation, sure, tell me about it. If no one has asked, don’t do free marketing. Go do something real with your life and make some real $$$$.

4. The RandomDetail-ers: “Didn’t know I could make cake with applesauce!”, “Benching 400 at the gym, time for a protein shake”, “Sunday mornings are the best with a cup of coffee and a good book”— I have nothing to say about them, because the ridiculousness is pretty apparent.

Now I don’t want to go into an analysis of why our society is ridiculous like this, but ill give you a few reasons– and maybe we can all agree to go on a DIET.

FACT ONE: If you rely on feedback from your facebook or other web outlets, you don’t have friends. Seriously, if you think having more than 1000 friends makes you popular– you probably still think Santa Claus exists. By creating the ‘FACADE’ of having many friends, you’re losing out on making real ones. Instead of calling someone up or texting them something personally relevant to them– you post a status to gain exposure by many people.

Do you see where I’m going with this? Its a cycle, people stop connecting personally with each other, and instead begin just creating a glass cage for themselves. People watch you from the outside but you can’t hear them from the inside–cause you’re too busy thinking about how you feel today and what song lyric you can caption your picture with.

FACT TWO: Along the same lines as glass cages, you’re losing your privacy. I know we’ve all seen and heard of the lawsuits and advertising strategies that surround Facebook– but its more than that: The lines between our public and private lives have blurred. This is not just thanks to social media, its thanks to Reality TV and its rising popularity. Reality TV stars like Kim Kardashian make us believe that our lives are like neat TV episodes, and millions of viewers watch. We’ve forgotten that there are really limits and walls that need to stay up. Telling the world about your constant depressive nature isn’t going to get you help and isn’t raising awareness, sorryboutit– all it does is create this fake feeling that some fake friends (who you probably haven’t seen in person in a long time) CARE.

THEY DON’T CARE.

Here are examples of what needs to be private: your hate for your boyfriend (your love life basically), that slut you effed last night, your EMOTIONS, your friday night activities, Your Professional life (thank god employers regulate that shit), and your diseases.

I’m sure we’d all be apalled if we saw a status: “AH, just got back from the doctor–Looks like I have Leukemia!”

By the way: Don’t tell the world if you’re having digestive problems, please. That’s just cruel and unusual punishment.

FACT THREE: Less is More. LESS. Less. Less. Do you know why an Hermes Bag is worth more than a Louis Vuitton bag? Because they make less of it a year. Its basic economics and basic business. The less there is available, the more people value it– think: caviar, guys/girls who play hard to get, and money. if you’re flooding everyone’s newsfeed, at some point people stop listening to you– so when you really have something of value to say, or you’re really doing something that needs a large social network (i.e, raising money, marathons, news etc) you won’t be getting enough feedback. People are so used to hearing worthless things, they tune it out. Don’t get to that point.

Make your page a destination of information that is valuable.

Now if you consider yourself an overshare queen or king, there is help. you can email sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com, or you can follow the following diet– i am available as a sponsor (just sayin!)

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A Saaghi Diet:

- Gather your dignity and self-respect, and walk away from the laptop,smartphone, or iPad.

- Count how many friends call/text you a day– if its a depressing number, time to get out there and be a real social person. I know you can’t do it from the comfort of your livingroom/toilet/class and in your sweats, but it sure as hell feels better.

- if you really can’t help yourself from updating 840302480324 times a day, time for some serious rehab: everytime you have an urge, mark a tally mark on your forehead. Finally, you will be getting the attention you want- and you will have a very good time explaining to people what a few hundred tally lines are doing on your forehead. You might even make a friend. (that you’ll add on fbook two minutes later)

Think I missed a category? Or do you enjoy oversharing and think I should care?

FACEBOOK US

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

Hugs and Kisses,

saaghi  ساقی

Bitch, You Make Me HURL

Hey joonjoons, 

Enough of this emotional crap.  Its time for a major reality check.  We all know how great it is to start a relationship with someone you’ve been pining after for weeks.  Those first kisses, staying up late talking, lots of sex, finishing each other’s sentences… (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little).

Bet the people studying didn’t think that was so cute…

I’m all about being excited about your new relationship with the hottie in your chem class (ok let’s be real, no hotties in chem class… let’s go with HISTORY class). BUT, just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you are completely excused from normal, respectful tendencies.

Case in point:

My best friend in college had just started a dating a new guy.  It was her first boyfriend in a… LONG time and she was so excited.  Don’t get me wrong, I was excited for her too- he was a NICE guy.  But then all of a sudden, he was at our apartment ALL THE DAMN TIME.  And we didn’t live in one of those nice, spacious apartments, we lived in a shithole where you could hear EVERYTHING from the other room.  He was eating everyone’s food, they were making baby noises at each other (NEVER OKAY) and no matter who was in the room with them, they acted like they were the only ones there.  Privacy was gone.  He was suddenly everywhere, yet he had his OWN place to live.

Even ^she agrees 

I understand that when you are dating someone, the world revolves around them (at least in the beginning) and its all sunshine and rainbows.  But here are some things to keep in mind:

1.  No, I don’t want to watch you guys stick your tongue down each other’s throat at the dinner table- whether it is at home OR at the fucking restaurant (NEVER OKAY).

2.  Yes, you should be able to bring your boyfriend to your home and spend the night… but EVERY NIGHT?!  It gets excessive ESPECIALLY if I’m stressed out with work or even finals.  He’s gotta home too- utilize that shit.

3.  Really, I’m TOTALLY fine NOT listening to your “inside jokes.”  No I don’t get it and I really don’t want to.

4.  If I’m single:  Respect that and don’t forget it.  There’s no reason to force me to come out with the two of you and then baby talk at each other throughout the entire night.  I’d much rather stay home and watch people baby talk on Gossip Girl.

Bet he’s thinking: SHOOT ME IN THE FACE

And last but not least:

5.  When you aren’t home, he shouldn’t be chillin’ at OUR home, lazying around on the couch, hogging the bathroom and shit.  It would be different if you guys had been: (a) dating for YEARS (somewhat okay), (b) he was visiting from out of town, (c) if he was setting up some bullshit surprise for you while you were in class.  But if his reasons don’t fit any of the categories above, then make sure he goes the fuck home before you leave the house.

I know it will take time to learn the balance between friend and boyfriend… hell it took me awhile.  But some things are just common sense.  NOTICE: I didn’t say “don’t ditch me on a Friday night.”  I’m completely cool hanging with the two of you… I’m only hating because if I have to hear another “aw baby-waby,” I will literally throw up in YOUR mouth.

So please, keep that shit to a minimum in public and behind closed doors: DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.  Until then:

FACEBOOK US

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

Happy Humping,

Farrah فراه
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