Slack Jaw This

Hi Joonams,

We got a little political last week and though I’m tempted to go on a rant about the new MEK delisting and how corrupt government is… I’ll refrain myself.

Let’s be honest, MEK doesn’t deserve any face time on this blog. 

But maybe the threat of corruption does especially when it sinks in to your professional life.  I’ve been out of college for two years now – one year spent as a starved intern pining for free tacos every Thursday – and now one year spent in the professional world of employment.

Employment and internships are two very different worlds.

Aside from having to say “yes” to everything (short of bending over) as an intern, you’re only real competition are your fellow interns.  Don’t get me wrong- interns play rough – you’re all fighting for the same thing = one shot, one job.

Interns are like hungry animals fighting over one piece of meat

You’re not necessarily exposed to the underlying gossip and back-end office drama that suddenly becomes available to you as soon as you sign an employment contract.

As an employee of a company or an organization, competition isn’t just your average intern / “I had this idea first” drama – people play dirty.  Fresh meat comes in and all of a sudden, your equals at work are threatened… they’re not just fighting to show you up, they’re fighting to prove something.  They’re fighting to prove that you are somehow lesser than you represented yourself in your interview.

Be real, we all exaggerate a little in our interviews.  Like my Farsi is really THAT good that I can translate a news article in English.  Half the time I don’t even know WTF they say on BBC Persian (jk… kinda).

My first major reality check at work:

Get everything in writing and don’t confide in people until you are 110% sure they got your back. [Read more...]

Back to the Future

JOONIES:

College is awesome- you’re not only learning when you’re in class, but you’re learning through all the experiences that college provides you with – parties, sex, extracurriculars.  It’s all about the “outside of the classroom” experience- at least it was for me since I didn’t spend much time in the classroom (sorry daddy).

I found a part of myself in college — I learned what my passion was, I developed it through my extracurriculars and I worked my ass off to make sure that I would be “okay” once I stepped out into the real world.

Graduating was bittersweet- I was sad to leave the life I had been leading for the past four years, but I couldn’t wait to get out into the real world.

Nothing in college prepares you for the real world.

Welcome to the real world

[Read more...]

Now Tell Me That Ain’t Insecure

JOOOOOOONS.

MONDAYYYY.  Let’s get this week started YO.

F*cking hate Mondays #onthereal.

I got an interesting comment on one of my recent posts.

Let me preface this with saying that we welcome ALL comments– if you don’t like what we have to say, we want to hear it… and if you DO like what we have to say, then we LOVE hearing it.  But at the end of the day…

If I’m just being honest…

Anyway, the commentator mentioned that I “must be very insecure” — because obviously when it comes to dating: where I went to school/what job I have plays a huge role.  And they’re right…

Our society and my upbringing played an integral role in my insecurities. [Read more...]

That’s Why You Mad.

JOOOOONS.

Have you stalked me  yet? Maybe you will after this post…or maybe, you’ll just hate me.

I usually have a theme song when I write, and occasionally (when its not too embarassing) I share the song. Remember Arab MONEY $? Well, here’s another one that you should nod your head and read to:

Ever meet those girls who say they don’t have a lot of girlfriends? The ones not addicted to Meth?

Well, I dont fcking trust them. Don’t get me wrong, not all girls with male friends outnumbering female ones are shady/sketch– they usually fall into two categories:

Category 1: (the minority) The guy’s girl. They actually love sports and watch the games, not as an excuse to wear slutty team gear–but because it matters to them. They prefer getting down and dirty, they’re not vain, and they’re real. Cameron Diaz is the hottest Category 1 I have ever seen. Burping competitions anyone?

and as for the majority of them…drum roll please!

Category 2: The Attention Whores (A.W.) They like anything that will get them attention from men, even if it means wearing/saying/doing the most ridiculous things. Some are more obvious than others, but these species are easily spotted by other females. Males? Well, they’re slower to catch on, and sometimes they fall into the web– but inevitably, they head for the hills too.

I’ve had a lot of Category 2’s in my life, unfortunately. I finally learned my lesson on how to ID them and  just STAY the eff AWAY because they tend to want to project their insecurities onto the people they’re around (and thats a problem).

If you’re still wondering what an A.W. is, or have never (or think you’ve never) had one in your life, let me break it down for you:

They are girls who suffer from the Sheep/Wolf Complex. They’re the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.

Sheep are cuddly. wolves are not.

When its just you and them, or just the girls in an isolated situation, they’re sheep like the rest of us. They’re fun, they’re real…they’re your friend. Then there’s the social situations: the party, the mehmooni, the club, classroom, workplace, etc –> and they betray their true nature.

In the public view, the claws come out. And they’re ravenous- they want to tear apart ALL THE SHEEP.

I’m serious, its like they only see red. You’re no longer a person, just competition for attention– in the way of their glory. And it seems, if they’re your FRIEND– they want to murder you even more.  Ever had a friend

who makes underhanded comments toward you in social situations?

Seems to call dibs on every guy in the room?

And BLATANTLY flirts with anything that has a penis? 

There are no boundaries, and sometimes you cringe out of embarassment for them. It doesn’t seem to matter if he’s available or not, if he’s ugly/hot, or your friend or a stranger- they want to revel in the spotlight.

  What causes a girl to become such a meth-hater? And why does she end up with no girlfriends?

1. She’s very insecure and jealous. We are all insecure and envious, its human nature. But some people can’t control their green-eyed monsters and how inferior they feel. I had a friend who couldn’t handle not being the hottest girl in the room. Could you imagine that type of anxiety/stress?

Being so conscious of your surroundings and how people perceive you is more a curse than anything else.

2. She enjoys competition. There’s nothing wrong with a healthy game of one-on-one, but keep it on the fucking courts man. All that is social does not need to be WARFARE. When we go to a bar, don’t hijack the guys I’m talking to because you want to prove you’re better than me. Don’t throw yourself at men, because you want to prove you can get more attention than me.

Because all I’m going to do is walk away. I don’t play those games. You’re not better than me, you’re just pathetic.

This is how A.W.’s lose all their girlfriends.

3. She has to validate herself, externally. What do I mean by this? Its the same as insecurity but more of an active insecurity. She looks in the mirror, and feels empty FOR SOME REASON. and she looks to fill that emptiness using her surroundings- instead of attempting to understand why she’s empty in the first place. One of my friends was clearly so lost in her crisis of ‘what are you gonna do with that?‘ she just constantly relied on her attention-whoring ways to make her feel better. (cough-daddyissuesUP THE ASS cough)

I guess the philosophy behind that is,

I have nothing else going on that’s worth any attention?

Feel like I’m being harsh? In my defense, I’ve spent years with wolves, of all breeds. Some Persian, some not, some ugly, and some pretty– but all very lost, insecure, and toxic. And this affected me and my life– you see, your baggage and your problems are all YOUR BUSINESS until they begin to affect ME. Then its my business to either help you, or get the fuck away.

and I’m not an A.W.

But the only person that can help an attention whore is the whore herself.

I tried for a long time to help my friend, especially because I thought that if I showed her how negatively it was perceived by others it would hit a sore spot for her, and she’d change. But no, shit was waayy too twisted.

“Saaghi, I would want your boyfriend to think I’m hot” 

“OMG, I don’t understand why he’s so interested in me!” (um. Is flirting not a signal of interest? Or did I miss something here?)

“I have like no girlfriends, they’re just too catty for me. I get along with guys better.”

OH. So GIRLS are too catty for YOU? Its not you who hits on their boyfriends that has a problem?….Got it.

If it was just the comments, I would be able to deal because I tend to tune stupid sh!t out anyway… but a person who can’t be happy on her own, will DEFINITELY never be happy for you. So sharing the ‘good parts’ of your life? FORGET IT. Evil-eye galore joonies. At the end of the day, its like this:

I’m sorry my dad actually loves me.

I’m sorry that time with my girlfriends actually fulfills me.

And I’m really sorry I’m not so insecure, that I need to overcompensate and over-validate. Is that why you mad?

So, if you can identify some A.W.’s in your life, RUN. Don’t look back, just RUN. If you don’t, your relationship will become so anxiety ridden, and resentful- you’ll even begin to question your own identity (take it from me). Don’t do this to yourself. At some point, you gotta wash your hands clean, and let them deal with their self-esteem issues on their own.

Don’t stoop to their level and compete with them.

Even if it comes down to a guy you both like, don’t fall into the black hole and (God forbid) turn into an A.W. Because once the dust settles and the spark of flirting is gone, all that’s left is respect…and no guy respects an attention whore.

They’re just for playtime. ;)

So as for your attention-whoring career? Dead. GHOSTBUSTER.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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Spittin Wisdom,

saaghi  ساقی
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