Frat Life & Fessenjoon

Time for another guest post,  but this time- from a male perspective. We talk about persian boys and frat boys too much on this blog, so why not hear it straight from one of the BROs:

College: The utopian playground of any barely-legal male.

The beauty of such an institution rests solely in what you make of your experience there. From the first day I set foot on my university campus, I decided I was going to go big or go home.

My idea of a college experience, however, differs greatly from the idea that my parents had in mind.

[Read more...]

HIT THE ROAD, JACK

Hey jooooons,

Hope you all had a wonderfully filling and pool-dar (make it rain) Norooz.  We know we did.

Persians always know how to do it right

Anyway– let’s get right to it.  I’d like to think that we all learn from our past… whether they were mistakes or something we did right.  We evolve… we learn… and most importantly, we grow out of our mistakes (most of the time).

This is how I feel about my hook-ups.  For our first time, as Persian girls  (most girls)– we choose carefully.  We pick someone we trust, someone we think we love… and give it up because let’s be real– if we are going to actually have sex, it better be with some legit guy (at least in our minds).

Meet my first time (I wish)

But if you’re anything like me, after you give it up- and after it didn’t end up working out because HE LIVES IN IRAN (buzzkill), you get a little crazy and you make some (necessary) mistakes. [Read more...]

Glad You Came.

JOOONS. Meet our guest writer of the day, here to give you some wisdom (S&F style). Remember, if you wanna write for us, you just gotta holler at our inbox: sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

READON (hint: sex and mommy issues explored).  

“They throw you out like a napkin”

was what my Irooni mother said to me. I was 16, and I had just given my first boyfriend a blow job.

You see, my mom and I did NOT have the typical hushhush “NO MOM WE DONT HOLD HANDS/ NO MOM IVE NEVER TOUCHED A BOY IN MY LIFE” type of relationship. we were actually pretty open with each other—”friends” she liked to call it. BAD DECISION. Trust me, it was not a blessing.

I mean some mothers are really insane. #toddlersandtiaras.

From then on, I was given the impression that sex, oral sex included, was for men. I was just there for decoration, or so I was told. Like most other persian girls, I experienced a lot of guilt through my teenage years.

After every “base” I covered, my friends and I were burdened with questions like “is he USING me?” or “will he break up with me now?”

Instead of thinking about our own modes of pleasure.

“His penis was not big enough”

“He needs to do more dirty talk” (if you’re not talking dirty, you’re not having good sex– #justsayin)

or just plain and simple…

“He doesn’t make me come”

And obviously, when you view your sexuality as belonging to someone else; being someone’s toy, or an object of pleasure –>> you give them the power to dictate how you feel.

For instance, when I had sex for the first time, it was quite the circus scene. I was crying, my mom cried, my vagina cried. It was just a big mess. The sex sucked, it hurt, and resulted in me turning into a crazypsychoirooni bitch (sh!t happens).

britbrit when she went craycray.

THEN, SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED: I was introduced to the vibrator. And as a shout out to JAMES BOND &FARRAH–YOU ARE CORRECT. ITS THE ORGASM THAT GETS US GIRLS INTRODUCED TO THE BEAUTY OF SEX. For other girls, it may be a loving boyfriend, or a bomb ass therapist who teaches you that sex is for your enjoyment as well, but I had to learn that from a 6 in. long battery operated machine.

Once I decided that sex was for ME, I had emotion-less, detached sex with some sefid kid and GORGED in it. For once, I felt like a real woman.

Not an object, a decorative piece, or a slut. It was when I was able to have emotionless sex, that I realized my sexuality was mine, and mine alone.

BUT THEN, I got slapped in the fucking face (again, sh!t happens). I got busy with this Indian/Pakistani I-banker (no sex- still kept some level of restraint).  As soon as we were done, I put my clothes back on and was ready to leave until he said…….

“Sooooo you don’t want to snuggle or anything?”

Wait, what? “uh….am I supposed to want to snuggle??”

“I don’t know, I just don’t want you to feel like a slut or something”

And that was it. I finally got it.

As much as us girls want to be progressive and have sex cause we like it (not cause we wanna have babies or be in love), guys will continue to think that it has an emotional aspect, that sex is a man’s world, that a woman’s enjoyment is secondary during sex.

But it also put a lot in perspective for me–I got used to having emotionless sex. My sefid boy from college got me used to hitting it and quitting it in his frat room (SHOUT OUT TO SAAGHI–FRAT AS FUCK), and I got used to putting on my clothes as fast as my first boyfriend would come.

So theres trial and error:

Have sex without emotion with someone who doesn’t deserve it?

CHECK.

Sex without emotion with someone who could potentially deserve your emotions?

FAIL.

Realizing your sexuality should be a way for us Persian girls to make sense of sex. Not to abuse it. Or else we’d just be sefid (white) girls.

…um.

FACEBOOK US

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

As snuggly as ever,

Shabnam شبنم

On Bro Tanks & Beer Pong

Hellohello jooneh-azizums ;)

Lots of you guys have been sending love, and we LOVE you for thattt so keep it coming (along with some funny scandalous stories): sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

Today on the agenda we have a rather important issue: the ever-so-illusive FRAT boy. A staple of college life. Whether you’re graduated, in college, or waiting to get there– you will be dealing with them.

Here’s an accurate portrayal of a fratpartyscene, if you’ve never been to one:

And if you ARE a frat boy and reading this (fuckyeahBRO) > i promise it will be informative, or at the very least, entertaining.

When I first got to college, I was rather dazed&confused with the Greek scene- pay $$$ for a social life?

Does that mean I don’t have to develop my own social skills? WORD. between pulling all nighters and roommates from hell, who has time for that?! OK, so I bought in (literally $$$$ sorrydaddy). We’ll leave the lies I told my parents about the benefits for another post!

Thanks to my decision, I met my first love/boyfriend/hookup/mindfuck. He was also a freshman, and an Arab pledging a fraternity. When we first met, he was a NORMAL asshole, he’d only sometimes treat me like crap. Once he crossed over (yes thats what they call it when they initiate into BRO-dom) , it was a whole other story. He became OBSESSED with his ‘brotherhood’, and the FRAT-TASTIC lifestyle.

So it was onto the next for me.

Soon after him, I started specializing in their kind- Persian,Arab,Armenian- the MIDDLE EASTERN FRAT BOY.

And now all this experience has allowed me to bestow some wisdom upon you joons:

If you want a real relationship with the opposite sex.

STAY THE FUCK AWAY

from frat boys.

If you want a booty call, hit em up (BEWARE: some are really not that good). But for an emotional connection and the ‘make love’ type of intimacy, check out that kid in the library reading Shakespeare, or the hipster at the local Co-op.

Here’s why:

All frat boys aspire to be Ralph Lauren models or in a National Lampoon Movie, but not all succeed.

Where those boatshoes at?

There are TWO type of Frat Boys in the world-

1. Ambitious, Selfish, Ruthless, Cutthroat BROs: wall street 1% = frat row 1%. FO REAL. They are never down to settle because they know the girl they meet at a frat party is not gonna be the wifey they take to that BLACK TIE FUNDRAISER. you want to be his first priority? Wait til he’s 35+. Because until he gets himself to where HE wants to be (top law school, med school, MBA, SENATE SEAT etc) he will not be giving you 100% of his anything–including attention OR respect.

#1 is the type you will most likely see trying to rack up his ‘numbers’ while racking up a top GPA. #1 will keep going even after you’ve fallen asleep.

#1 is what you want, but canNOT have. and I mean that. Girls, these guys are NOT a challenge– they will not change for anyone: a Maxim model or Michelle Obama.  Getting involved with #1 is asking for heartbreak, disrespect, and a whole lot of SH!TTY NIGHTS.

Don’t let his refined exterior fool you.

2. Drunken, Clowny, Untalented, Goofy BROs: This is the guy you see double fisting beers, peeing his pants, and/or dressing up as a PENIS at an exchange/mixer. He is not date-able, but he is gullible– which means if you ever see a fratboy in a relationship, he belongs to this category. These bros live to make other bros laugh, smash shit around, and glide through life. They will most likely end up middle manager, or selling insurance (truestory).

#2 lacks in SWAGGER what #1 lacks in HUMANITY. everything.

Life is Beer Pong & Bitches

Now here’s where shit gets serious. Most Persian (middleeastern) dudes that rush a frat, end up as #1s. Why? Because of the way they were raised.

Being ambitious and thinking they’re f!cking amazing is in their genetic code— HELLO DOODOOL TALA COMPLEX (goldenpenis).

Some symptoms of the DoodoolTala-complex (all may not apply to..all):

- I am going to be amazing at what I do. because I’m me.

- Women are to throw themselves at me, because, like my mom said, I’m fucking amazing.

oh— and if they don’t it’s because theyre ugly prude feminists.

- I am to work and make $$$, so I can make it rain at the clubs. So I can further prove my manliness.

- Being a man is the greatest privilege.

When they enter fraternity life, they just find that their goldenpenis-complex is reinforced.

This is DANGEROUS territory for girls, unless you got your head on straight.

(Here, I believe I’m helping some frat boys out so they don’t deal with that psychobitch who texts/calls wondering where you guys are headed since you last hooked up.)

Say it with me now:

FRAT BOYS ARE FOR FUN. FRAT BOYS ARE NOT FOR DATING. I WILL USE THE FRAT BOY AS HE USES ME.

(For ass)

If you can’t take the heat, get outta the kitchen or else you’ll end up burned. That’s what happened to me the first time. DEVASTATION- BEN&JERRYS – PSYCHODRUNK TEXTING. DO NOT let it happen to you. If you think you canNOT do the NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED commitment, stay away from frat boys, esp the PERSIAN KIND. They will hurt.

Joonies, any fun/fucked up frat stories to share? Or think I have them pegged ALL WRONG?

FACEBOOK US

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

FRATtastically yours,

saaghi  ساقی
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