A couple months ago I started seeing a guy and very quickly it was established that we wouldn’t be in a relationship. But, there was mutual attraction, and we both wanted some sort of physical relationship – so “friend with benefits” it was. It was all fine and good – for a month.
Who could complain about a physical, no strings attached, fun relationship?
Well, clearly I was disillusioned and naive. No, I didn’t develop feelings, and he didn’t develop feelings either.
But, emotions did get involved. We tend to try to separate all parts of our lives in neat corners and groups: we want to have separation of work life and personal life, we want to have work friends and college friends, we want to have a physical relationship without emotions.
But compartmentalizing our lives doesn’t work out too well.
So, what happened? Why was it so hard to keep a repeated physical relationship, just physical? We would hang out 1-3 times a week, have fun, text or talk throughout the week. Soon, this guy started to open up to me about a lot of emotional and personal issues, relying on my advice and the fact that I would listen. And that was the problem: