New Beginnings: Breaking Up With Food

My life has changed quite a bit this past year. New job, new home, a new pet (that’s major in my persian household). What hasn’t changed is my torrid love affair with food. And recently, this emotionally-charged and unstable relationship has really got me down.

Food is my long-term boyfriend, and I abuse him.

I’m sure we all go through ups and downs with our weight, our eating habits, and our food choices. Some days you’re on it (veggies, protein, exercise) and some days you’re not (cupcakes, chips, the couch/reality TV).

Forgive and forget, right?

NO.

Not for me. My roller-coaster eating habits are rooted in some seriously flawed mental habits, which has only made me realize that I’m addicted to food.

cookie drug

It sounds radical and extreme, but trust me, it was a tough call to make. Addiction is a compulsive behavior, from which you derive pleasure at the risk of negative consequences:

I eat when I’m bored, sad, happy, anxious, stressed. I look forward to eating, when I’m not eating. I look forward to eating a snack, while I’m still eating a meal. I exercise, so I can eat. I motivate myself with food. I comfort myself with food. I prefer to eat rather than go out, and love to eat with my friends. Good food and bad food, I eat ‘em all.

What’s missing from the above is the word hunger. That’s because ‘I’m starving’ has lost its meaning for me and as you can imagine from what I’ve described,

food takes up a lot of my mental space.

A lot of what I’ve pointed out may sound familiar or hit close to home, and you may think ‘sure, its not the best habit, but addiction? Really?’ I was always skeptical about people who claimed ‘eating habits needed an overhaul’, too.

But, I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately — trying to understand how I could combat the roller-coaster aspect of loving food; and it made me realize-

My awful, addictive and compulsive eating habits have:

1. Seamless integrated into my life

2. Been socially acceptable and reinforced

3.  Are Engineered.

This is how I went so wrong with what I put in my belly.

1. Since I was 13 years old, I have developed eating habits that are rooted in the belief that food is the appropriate response to anything. A bad grade or a good grade, food inserted itself in the solution for me. The habit now seems unbreakable, and subconscious.

2. Food is legal. The good kind and the bad kind. Everywhere you go, food is everywhere- in advertisements, on the street, in the office break room. And therefore, food becomes an integral aspect of our social lives. My friends and I overeat together, all the time. In fact, we plan to do it and we usually follow through with that plan.

3. Our brains are wired to like love stimulation.

Whether it is with heroin or sugar, the brain doesn’t care; it just wants to get high.

Endorphins, dopamine, serotonin– all those buzz words? Yeah, certain foods can get those neurochemicals firing on all cylinders, which only makes your brain tell you ‘get it girl‘. The food industry capitalizes on this knowledge, and engineers food so they get you that much more high. Damn them all.

So, to bring it full circle: I want to change the one thing that has stayed constant in my life for so long. It’s time for a new beginning on how I love food.

it’s time to treat him right.

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SAAGHI ساقی

Some Friends…

HOLA.

Maybe you’ve read this past post of mine on friendship–a.k.a methship. If not, let me sum it up:

I love my friends, like a meth head loves meth. But sometimes, some friends give me a really bad high. We’ve gone over toxic friends and boy-crazy attention whores; but ..

what about those friends that are so lovably ignorant of the ridiculous things they do?

They’re my friends, but sometimes they do sh!t and I’m like…

Seriously?

They can be narcissistic on Social networking sites; with Facebook status’ that make me want to turn the other way…

Disappointed

And not to mention, instagram pictures that have me like …

Frustrated

Was that picture really necessary? [Read more...]

Life After College Sucks _____.

Hello there Joonies :) It’s Saaghi.

By now, all the graduates of 2013 have graduated already. And while I’ve never had any long-term dreams of being a commencement speaker, I think Mary Schmich had it right:

Inside every adult, lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out.

I barely count as an adult, but I’ve hit that one year post-graduation mark where I really wish I could stand at a podium and rain on everyone’s festive parade. I’d like to tell my peers how it really goes down— because it’s not just about sunscreen. (is my bitter showing?) From what I gather after talking to people aged 22-26, I’m not the only one who wishes someone would’ve told them straight up that Life after College sucks. I’ve mentally noted some of the reasons, thus far, I believe that to be true…

Welcome Graduates of 2013 to the real world where ‘Confused and Sarcastic’ is the new black.

image

I left the wonderful and fuzzy bubble of my undergrad years to deal with an extremely new lifestyle: a real job in a different city, away from home.  And right away, I hated it and I wished my Alma Mater could have taken me back for another 4 years. 

Things got a little better when I received my first paycheck, I felt like…

And it was all exciting, picking a place to live, being “independent”. But then this sudden sense of doom hit, and I realized somethings will never be the same. [Read more...]

That’s Why You Mad.

JOOOOONS.

Have you stalked me  yet? Maybe you will after this post…or maybe, you’ll just hate me.

I usually have a theme song when I write, and occasionally (when its not too embarassing) I share the song. Remember Arab MONEY $? Well, here’s another one that you should nod your head and read to:

Ever meet those girls who say they don’t have a lot of girlfriends? The ones not addicted to Meth?

Well, I dont fcking trust them. Don’t get me wrong, not all girls with male friends outnumbering female ones are shady/sketch– they usually fall into two categories:

Category 1: (the minority) The guy’s girl. They actually love sports and watch the games, not as an excuse to wear slutty team gear–but because it matters to them. They prefer getting down and dirty, they’re not vain, and they’re real. Cameron Diaz is the hottest Category 1 I have ever seen. Burping competitions anyone?

and as for the majority of them…drum roll please!

Category 2: The Attention Whores (A.W.) They like anything that will get them attention from men, even if it means wearing/saying/doing the most ridiculous things. Some are more obvious than others, but these species are easily spotted by other females. Males? Well, they’re slower to catch on, and sometimes they fall into the web– but inevitably, they head for the hills too.

I’ve had a lot of Category 2’s in my life, unfortunately. I finally learned my lesson on how to ID them and  just STAY the eff AWAY because they tend to want to project their insecurities onto the people they’re around (and thats a problem).

If you’re still wondering what an A.W. is, or have never (or think you’ve never) had one in your life, let me break it down for you:

They are girls who suffer from the Sheep/Wolf Complex. They’re the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.

Sheep are cuddly. wolves are not.

When its just you and them, or just the girls in an isolated situation, they’re sheep like the rest of us. They’re fun, they’re real…they’re your friend. Then there’s the social situations: the party, the mehmooni, the club, classroom, workplace, etc –> and they betray their true nature.

In the public view, the claws come out. And they’re ravenous- they want to tear apart ALL THE SHEEP.

I’m serious, its like they only see red. You’re no longer a person, just competition for attention– in the way of their glory. And it seems, if they’re your FRIEND– they want to murder you even more.  Ever had a friend

who makes underhanded comments toward you in social situations?

Seems to call dibs on every guy in the room?

And BLATANTLY flirts with anything that has a penis? 

There are no boundaries, and sometimes you cringe out of embarassment for them. It doesn’t seem to matter if he’s available or not, if he’s ugly/hot, or your friend or a stranger- they want to revel in the spotlight.

  What causes a girl to become such a meth-hater? And why does she end up with no girlfriends?

1. She’s very insecure and jealous. We are all insecure and envious, its human nature. But some people can’t control their green-eyed monsters and how inferior they feel. I had a friend who couldn’t handle not being the hottest girl in the room. Could you imagine that type of anxiety/stress?

Being so conscious of your surroundings and how people perceive you is more a curse than anything else.

2. She enjoys competition. There’s nothing wrong with a healthy game of one-on-one, but keep it on the fucking courts man. All that is social does not need to be WARFARE. When we go to a bar, don’t hijack the guys I’m talking to because you want to prove you’re better than me. Don’t throw yourself at men, because you want to prove you can get more attention than me.

Because all I’m going to do is walk away. I don’t play those games. You’re not better than me, you’re just pathetic.

This is how A.W.’s lose all their girlfriends.

3. She has to validate herself, externally. What do I mean by this? Its the same as insecurity but more of an active insecurity. She looks in the mirror, and feels empty FOR SOME REASON. and she looks to fill that emptiness using her surroundings- instead of attempting to understand why she’s empty in the first place. One of my friends was clearly so lost in her crisis of ‘what are you gonna do with that?‘ she just constantly relied on her attention-whoring ways to make her feel better. (cough-daddyissuesUP THE ASS cough)

I guess the philosophy behind that is,

I have nothing else going on that’s worth any attention?

Feel like I’m being harsh? In my defense, I’ve spent years with wolves, of all breeds. Some Persian, some not, some ugly, and some pretty– but all very lost, insecure, and toxic. And this affected me and my life– you see, your baggage and your problems are all YOUR BUSINESS until they begin to affect ME. Then its my business to either help you, or get the fuck away.

and I’m not an A.W.

But the only person that can help an attention whore is the whore herself.

I tried for a long time to help my friend, especially because I thought that if I showed her how negatively it was perceived by others it would hit a sore spot for her, and she’d change. But no, shit was waayy too twisted.

“Saaghi, I would want your boyfriend to think I’m hot” 

“OMG, I don’t understand why he’s so interested in me!” (um. Is flirting not a signal of interest? Or did I miss something here?)

“I have like no girlfriends, they’re just too catty for me. I get along with guys better.”

OH. So GIRLS are too catty for YOU? Its not you who hits on their boyfriends that has a problem?….Got it.

If it was just the comments, I would be able to deal because I tend to tune stupid sh!t out anyway… but a person who can’t be happy on her own, will DEFINITELY never be happy for you. So sharing the ‘good parts’ of your life? FORGET IT. Evil-eye galore joonies. At the end of the day, its like this:

I’m sorry my dad actually loves me.

I’m sorry that time with my girlfriends actually fulfills me.

And I’m really sorry I’m not so insecure, that I need to overcompensate and over-validate. Is that why you mad?

So, if you can identify some A.W.’s in your life, RUN. Don’t look back, just RUN. If you don’t, your relationship will become so anxiety ridden, and resentful- you’ll even begin to question your own identity (take it from me). Don’t do this to yourself. At some point, you gotta wash your hands clean, and let them deal with their self-esteem issues on their own.

Don’t stoop to their level and compete with them.

Even if it comes down to a guy you both like, don’t fall into the black hole and (God forbid) turn into an A.W. Because once the dust settles and the spark of flirting is gone, all that’s left is respect…and no guy respects an attention whore.

They’re just for playtime. ;)

So as for your attention-whoring career? Dead. GHOSTBUSTER.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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Spittin Wisdom,

saaghi  ساقی
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