Joonies, its been too long – I missed ya!
Most of the time I find it really hard to write about my feelings.
If you look back in my posts- I’m either Angry, Bitchy, or Embarrassed. I think this comes from the lack of comfort I have with any emotions, in real life. In a sense, I strive for rationality always and prefer cool and calculating over hot and rash #alldayerrday. I suppress the part of me that screams:
Just give me a hug, as I burst into tears.
Why? Well, I think the world around us really lets us know what way of thinking they value more. You never see a job description stating ‘Proficient with Excel. Detail-oriented. Able to communicate and make decisions based on emotions’
Jonah Lehrer said it best: “People commit crimes of passion. There are no crimes of rationality.‘
So I can trace my suppression of emotions back to when I was 7. Welcome to storytime:
In elementary school, once every few months, we had something called ‘the circle of feelings’ or some BS like that (you see my attitude problem started early). It was like a counselor check-in with the class, some lady from school administration would make us sit in a circle and pass around something fuzzy– that I never wanted to touch because it smelled like old people and there were definitely boogers on it.
And we’d go around the room saying how we felt about everything: home, our friends in class, school, finger painting time- whatever. We started every sentence with “It makes me feel_____ when ______”