Safety First?

hihi joonies,

I remember the day Saaghi approached me about starting this blog– we were driving back to the YAY Area and she said, “Yo– remember when we were virgins?  Who did you talk to about this?”

“Um no one… you?” 

…..????

I remember when I was younger and a guy would rub up his ya know against mine and I would take the morning after pill because I thought you could get pregnant from rubbing.

I remember when I first gave head in the back of a car and I looked at myself in the mirror thinking, “I look so different now.”

I had no one to turn to.

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Flaming Hot Cheetos is always the answer.

Its time to get real. I know I said you Joonies could meet my parents, but this is an even more intimate relationship

Cause it’s ME + Flaming Hot Cheetos,Til Death Do Us Part.

But do you know why that is?

Because it is the snack of champions. Eff Wheaties, if you can eat them on a drive, WITHOUT water, you’ve got it in you. & FlamingHotCheetos (FHC-i use a lot of acronyms during the day, here’s another to add to the list)- is also about the American dream: Did you know the idea for this snack came from a janitor in the Frito-Lay company?

Thank you, Richard Montanez.

But before you guys sign off cause SAAGHI’s gone batshitcray, I want to emphasize something else I love about FHC: how it made me BFFs with all my…BFFs.

Now, maybe some of you don’t champion the Cheeto (try it with FAGE, and die ). Maybe you like the Lays, maybe you like the FROYO, or maybe you’re all about Cheesecake.

Food Brings Girls Together.

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Bitches Always Be Talkin’ Shit

O-M-G!  I heard that jende hooked up with Saaghi’s man of the hour last night. What a slut.  Of course, she would do something like that- she’s always flirting with every guy.

The infamous rumor mill.  As Persian girls, we know it all too well.  Whether we are the ones starting the gossip or we’re the latest victim of the scandal circulating to Iranians worldwide (over exaggeration I KNOW, but you get my drift).  It’s inevitable– girls (AND GUYS- “bro I heard your beez eff’ed every guy in sight during college”) looove to talk shit.  Its always about who hooked up with who, who stole so-and-so’s boyfriend or how loose that one hoe is.  AND EVERYONE is guilty of this.  CALL ME PARANOID- but whenever someone says something in a different language in front of me- I SWEAR its a comment on what I’m wearing or worst.  You can say that girls talk shit all day (which they do… no denying that), but locker room talk?  That’s all you, boys.

Can’t even BELIEVE she would try to get at Saaghi’s man- WTF!

The way I see it?  People are ALWAYS going to talk shit and fact of the matter is, they are usually saying something bad because they are simply jealous (unless you really are a slut).  Don’t get me wrong- I’ll still get hurt if I hear that someone I trust said something mean about me behind my back.  But, I’ve learned that if someone does betray me like that, I’m better off and I KNOW that I can never trust them again.  Of course, I wasn’t always like this.  As a crazy Persian girl, I’ve had to develop a thick skin to ward off the haters constantly chugging on that haterade they love so damn much and believe me when I say- it took me awhile- it was only after I was able to block the most ridiculous rumors that I was able to finally take everything with a grain of salt.

Let me REEEEWIND, in high school- I was your typical “Brown girl.”  We had maybe five other Persian girls in my high school, so people didn’t really see me as “Persian,” they saw me as “not white” (special kids, I know).  ANYWAY, I had a lot of boyfriends.  In fact, I probably had a boyfriend for about two and half out of three years of high school.  And no, NOT the same one… I had boyfriends that lasted anywhere from two weeks… to two months… to finally over a year (my LAST year of high school).

The good ol’ innocent days

But because I was just oh-so-sought after (kidding…), I developed a … promiscuous reputation.  I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, right?  So OF COURSE, I just CAN’T be a virgin.  It was automatically assumed that I had already opened my legs at the mere age of 15.  Ironically, I lost my virginity the summer before my third year of COLLEGE, surprised? Don’t be- rumors are rarely true.

At the time, I would get SO upset when a guy would get fresh with me just because he thought I had the experience to be able to handle it.  And I was EVEN MORE upset when I found out that my best friend in high school was the one behind the bullshit rumors (shady much?).  But here is what I learned: Yeah my best friend is a bitch and she kind of sucks at life (no BITTERNESS, I swear…), but if she had never betrayed me the way she did- I would have continued being friends with her and she probably would have not only, spread more ridiculous lies about me, but she would have spilled a few secrets too.  And what was even better about the whole situation?  I could actually say that NO, those rumors are untrue and I wouldn’t be lying.

I’ll be honest- I LOVE hearing the gossip, the shit talking. I have NO problem telling someone when I think they’re being a little jende.  But that’s where I think I’m a little different than those behind the scenes/undercover shit talkers. I’ll say it to your face when I think you’re acting inappropriate.  I’m not trying to ruin your reputation, your actions are already doing that for you.  My philosophy:

What you do behind closed doors is your own business- but when it affects others, you better be able to own up to your actions.  So don’t fuck someone’s boyfriend. (its NEVER ok)

Take it from someone who knows: there will always be rumors, but it feels fucking great when you can prove them wrong.  And hey: if they’re true, lesson learned.  Just because people are hating on you for something you did doesn’t mean its always going to be like that- you can always learn from your mistakes. God knows, I did.

Ever had someone spread something ridiculous about YOU? Here’s your chance to silence those shit talkers forever:

FACEBOOK US

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

Till then,

You’re one and only,

Farrah  فراه
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