chillin with no makeup on, thats when you’re the prettiest?

HAY. we’re almost in MAY.

ok that was corny, but on the real, time flies, doesnt it?

and I always realize this on Mondays…=YOLO FML

I actually drag myself out of bed like this. #sad

Mondays are also when I realize that: the amount of food and alcohol I put into my mouth over the weekend is in direct correlation to how shitty my Monday is.

You know that feeling of waking up on a Monday, knowing you downed enough food for a small country in Africa– and then realizing you have to put on real people clothes.

I know for me, as a PERSIAN girl, its even more of an issue if I don’t keep up appearances for awhile. We need some Intensive Monthly Maintenance which includes: waxing, lasering, hair, etc. Routine Weekly Maintenance: nails, brows, shaving, etc. & THE DAILY: moisturizing, make up, exercising.

Of course, everyone’s different. Some girls wax their moustaches (yes we have them, lets be real) once a month, some do it once a week. Some girls wear foundation everyday, some just brush on the mascara. At the end of the day, its rare that we roll out of bed without a glance in the mirror.

But let me say this, I don’t like doing things without getting credit. So when guys insist,

I like girls who don’t wear makeup.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR DO’s AND DON’T’s

HEY JOON JOONS!

NEW YEAR’S EVE BABY!  As you all get prepared to go out for an evening of debauchery and fun- we thought we would provide the men with a short list of guidelines to follow as they attempt to get their New Year’s kiss (in reality, boys/men should follow these guidelines at. all. times). 

Lesson 1: stay away, they look 12 (with too much makeup)

Do’s:

1.  When you go up to a girl, make an effort to engage her friends too.  She will appreciate that you aren’t excluding her homegirls otherwise known as: you are just being creepy.

2.  Buy her a drink.  I know… common sense right?  I’m all about being independent and paying for my own shit- but its the principle: guy should always pay on the first date and hey, if you’re trying to get some action after a crazy night of drinking, then the least you can do is pay for a goddamn drink (we all know the second you get to her house, you’re going to flail around until she decides to go in your pants, and then pass the fuck out).  

3.  Make sure that you’ve both agreed to a New Year’s kiss before going in for the kill.  No one likes a surprise…

You don’t want her to be checking out the guy across the room…

Do NOT’S:

1.  Don’t get so wasted that your breath reeks of beer (gross).  Trust me, if you are THAT wasted guy… all you’ll be doing is kissing the toilet… and we will probably (likely) take pictures to show our friends the gross guy that attempted to hit on us as he was falling over.

If you merely get bad breath after a drink or two just… because…? (sidenote: you should probably see a dentist).  But ANYWAY, chew a piece of gum (cinnamon to be specific… you’re welcome) .  It’s tasty and fresh!
 
2.  When kissing, don’t slobber all over her mouth and most importantly, don’t stick your tongue in her mouth and have it just lie there like a dead eel.  Trust me: bad kisser is a major #dealbreaker. 

Gross. Just stop. Go home.

3.  Don’t be cocky.  If you really are that cute, we will notice… no need to TELL US or try to act like we are LUCKY to have your attention.  Because in reality, you are lucky that we are willing to even listen to your bullshit “hit-on” lines.  In life, you should always be modest- its helps you maintain your job, your friends and the girl you’re trying to take home that night.

So, follow these simple rules and we reassure you that your New Year’s will end up like this:

BEST. New Year’s. Ever

HAPPY NEW YEAR JOONIES!  We <3 you!

SEE YOU IN 2012!

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

FACEBOOK US

LOVE ALWAYS,

THE S&F TEAM

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