Make Me Submissive, Baby

Happy Monday = R.I.P weekend

It was Superbowl weekend, and even though Niners lost– it was probably the best football game I’ve ever watched.

Jim Harbaugh proved that I have more in common with an NFL coach than I thought possible.

image

So this post is partially an ode to Jim Harbaugh, who perfectly embodies the frustrated and helpless younger sibling in all of us.

In an earlier post, Farrah Joon talked about her take on dominating in the bedroom…and how it’s a lot better, when the guy takes control.  And to borrow a quote from the lovely lady that I think described her point definition of “DOMINATING”:

“HE TOOK CONTROL AND HE GAVE IT TO ME THE WAY HE KNEW I WOULD LIKE IT.” - Fifty Shades of Joon

And really, its true…while it may vary from girl to girl, almost all women like it when the man exercises some control. And without passing judgment, I have to ask:

Why? Why do we like it when a man plays the Dominant to our Submissive?

The ‘S’ word may be a dirty one, but deep down, every bad b*tch wants an equally (or more) powerful male to pin her down and give it to her good. [Read more...]

Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels.

Hola,

2012 is winding down, and I almost can’t believe it. How does time fly? New Years is always an appropriate time for reflection (cliche but inevitable) and I’ve been thinking more about myself, 10 years ago… It might be because my Pandora is set to 90s music? But when you’re 18, you can’t really reflect on what it was like when you were 8.  Now I’m at that age, where I remember what it was like 10, 8, 5 years ago. I remember why I thought the way I did, and why I did the things I did. And with all those memories– I can’t help but feel weird. Is that what happens when you get old– your younger self starts to become a bigger shadow?

Jeez, can I please not get old? #fountainofyouth

Anyway, the more I think about Saaghi circa early 2000s, I realize I haven’t confessed something that really haunted/dogged me for most of those years: My Body.

It’s no secret that Persians are very vocal about weight — “topol” (chubby) is a word that’s just tossed around, almost endearingly, but for a 13 year old girl– that word is damaging.

At least that’s how I felt about it. As a kid, I was never aware of what my body looked like to others. But when I hit puberty, and I had chipmunk cheeks, I was growing boobs, and I was all sorts of awkward–well, I became very aware of what my body looked like from the outside.

People’s comments only reinforced my insecurities and by the time I got to high school, I had also eaten my insecurities. [Read more...]

Not thug life, but the Double Life.

Happy Tuezday.

Here’s something that made my week: the fact that my friends want me to dress up as Bert for Halloween. My question is,

Which Persian girl puts on a unibrow, voluntarily?

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I thought bad eyebrows were like bad noses, you get rid of them and deny deny deny you ever had one? Or is the UNI in now? Someone fill me in.

Anyway, my grandparents were in town for awhile, all the way from eeRAN, and aside from lots of lavashak and pistachios, they bring a suitcase full of “Naseehat” (guidance from elders).

The problem with that is, I hate NASEEHAT. I’m comfortable enough with my parents to stop them before they get ahead with all their ‘guidance’ lectures–‘Dad, the decibel level of your voice annoys me‘. But with my grandparents, I can’t be so direct. I have to swallow my pride, and smile, and nod–as if I’m actually going to take what they say into consideration.

Do you see how immature and stubborn I am?

But, in my defense, as I’ve… aged… I’ve gotten better at identifiying the ‘GOOD Naseehat‘ from the ‘OBNOXIOUS Naseehat’. Especially now that I’m out on my own, with my own bills and finances and Adult-ness,

I know I can’t learn everything the hard way– cause if I do, it’ll end with bad credit, a mug shot, and an ‘I TOLD YOU SO’. [Read more...]

Your Mind Too Narrow, You Can’t Be Talking To Me

Hey joonams,

It’s been on a long week- but TANK YOU GOD that tomorrow is Friday.

Did you see how I used “God?” I MUST be an extremist… just kidding …

I grew up in a very different generation than my parents.

My father is an Atheist, my mom blames everything wrong with the world on religion – regardless of whether it’s Islam, Christianity, or Judaism.

But they were born into a Muslim family.  My family is Islamic historically.

My great-grandmother fasts, she covers her hair at all times, she doesn’t eat pork – she was also married off at age nine… but if you think that is what being Muslim means then you’re f#cking cray.

The only God I’ve ever prayed to is a God who would keep the nightmares about vampires away (Buffy the Vampire Slayer scarred me for life).

My mother taught me to hate Islam and I did.

For a long time, I believed that everything wrong with Iran is a result of Islam including (but not limited to), the ridiculous notions that a woman should cover her hair, marry at a young age, and be stoned to death.

The Islamic Revolution of Iran

But Islam isn’t the reason that “Islamic” countries like Iran and Saudi Arabia are so backwards… to the point where Saudi Arabia wont allow it’s women to drive/vote/wear what they want.

If you really believe that the “Supreme Leader” Ayatollah Khamanei was chosen by a higher power, then you might as well believe that I, Farrah am a Virgin. [Read more...]

Yeah, She’s D for D.

ayy JOONAMS

Hope we made the early week a little more bearable  for you guys with a little humor on the tumbLOLr (tumble here).  As for myself, I’ve been putting this song on REPEAT…mourning over the fun/careless summer I never had #firstworldproblems #momoneymoproblems

hit play if you feel like your summer was unjustly cut short, too.

Do you know what’s great about speaking another language a.k.a Persian/Farsi?

The sh!t talking.

Yes, we’re all guilty of being mean in our mother tongue. It’s a privilege we use and abuse.

And its not just Iranians– anyone with the advantage of a second language can and does do it. I swear my nail lady is always talking smack about me in a voice that’s barely above a whisper.  However, for my friends and I- Farsi doesn’t cut it anymore.

In California: Talk Shit, Get Hit. Especially if its in Persian. The chance that someone in the room understands you is more than 50%, and the chance that you’re talking about a Persian is even higher.

So when all else fails, we use acronyms. And this was a long-winded introduction for our most meaningful one yet:

D for D = Desperate for D!CK [Read more...]

What You Gonna Do About Your Baby Joon

Hey joons,

Sorry for being a bit out of touch lately– been dealing with work, friends moving, etc. Plus I kind of needed to take a step back for a quick second.  Until I realized that I can’t live without #sexandfessenjoon #truestory.

Okay let’s get to the real reason for this blog: my parents.

I’ve talked about my parents a lot and their cray tendencies– whether it’s having a llama at my birthday party *truth* or excusing me from sex ed in an effort to forever keep me in the dark about where a penis goes when you’re having sex (click here).

But at the end of the day…

I was raised like the little Persian princess that I am.

I didn’t grow up listening to The Beatles or reading Calvin&Hobbes– which after hanging out with my neighbor, I’ve been clearly “missing out on.”  I wasn’t introduced to this song until I was in college (the white girl anthem at every bar):

I didn’t learn the lyrics to this song until the Glee version came out.   And I had no idea what the members of Journey looked like until I looked up the video for this post.  Fail.

Instead of jamming to Pink Floyd and Pearl Jam, I was rocking out to Leila Forouhar and Black Cats (during the Pyruz days- badbahkt only ended up having a one hit wonder after Shahbal kicked him out).  My parents and I would attend monthly concerts where I would somehow get thrown on stage to dance with the band- and by somehow, I mean my mother.  Not quite as glamorous as it sounds– I was the creepy little Persian girl with acne and a nose that still didn’t/doesn’t fit on my face.

But not even trying to front– when the members of Black Cats told me to “gher bede,” I thought I was such a bad ass.

It didn’t really end there– in addition to being taken to the “elite” Persian concerts that ANY Persian kid would die to go to (sarcasm… kinda), my parents also strived to make sure I had whatever I wanted- of course, only if it fit their standards.

My cousins and I always joke about how our dads give us so much trouble when it comes to school and finding jobs, but at the end of the day…

We have them wrapped around our manipulative little fingers. [Read more...]

Safety First?

hihi joonies,

I remember the day Saaghi approached me about starting this blog– we were driving back to the YAY Area and she said, “Yo– remember when we were virgins?  Who did you talk to about this?”

“Um no one… you?” 

…..????

I remember when I was younger and a guy would rub up his ya know against mine and I would take the morning after pill because I thought you could get pregnant from rubbing.

I remember when I first gave head in the back of a car and I looked at myself in the mirror thinking, “I look so different now.”

I had no one to turn to.

[Read more...]

But You’re Like Really Deep.

JOONZ

do you know I’ve never spelled it that way?

I’ve been feeling uninspired lately. My life’s gone from 150mph to a slow turtle’s pace. (oK , I’m done with the pity party I swear)– and so I have..different material to work with–what that means for you guys is blog posts that are less sex, more JOON.

because I even forgot to bring my little friend to my new place.  (Let’s see how long I can hold out on this one.

Just so we’re clear. This post isn’t an ODE to mY loneliness POST, and  this post is NOT about me hating on Persian men– which is code for: DONE BEING SINGLE, SWOOP ME UP DOODOOL TALA!   just keeding.

its about depth. and depth-y people (I just created that adjective).

& Just to set the mood, I feel deep when I listen to this song:

SO wtf do we mean, when we say someone’s “really deep”?

Does it mean they’re spiritual? They recite cryptic poetry? Or that they’ve been through a lot of crazy sh!t in their life?

And how do you measure this “Depth”? cause clearly, humans aren’t actual swimming pools.

Although I wish people would have some sort of obvious marker for safety purposes– like “7 feet”, “5 1/2 feet”, “WADING POOL”.

[Read more...]

NIMA: I’m 22 and I’ve Worked On An Emmy Nominated Show

JOONIES:

In true S&F style, we’re bringing you another interview — featuring one of the finest from the Iranian American community:

ADAM/NIMA POURAHMADI: BRILLIANT. MOTIVATED. HOTTERTHANADOCTOR.

The kind of guy you can bring home to your Daddy joon, not just because he’s smart, but because he’s already achieved SO MUCH and at such a young age.  And apparently, we aren’t the only ones who think so– check him out on “The Men of AJE.”

I met Nima by chance through the wonderful world of Twitter — during our first meeting at Starbucks, I was in complete and utter awe at how intelligent and kind he is.  Not only, one of the sweetest guys I’ve met on the East Coast but, how many 22-year-olds do you know who’ve already worked at two major media organizations? He was so easy to talk to and instantly made ME feel comfortable enough to be myself.  Nima is charismatic and is truly making Iroonis proud everywhere.

Did I mention he’s a freaking cuuuuutie?  Sorry Nima, I’m not a playa, I just crush a lot.

xo,

Farrah

Introducing HUFFPOST Live’s NIMA POURAHMADI

- Tell me about yourself…

I was born in a small Illinois town, population was like 30,000 or so- surrounded by corn fields, so definitely not the typical Iranian American upbringing by any means, but we had a lot of family friends in Chicago.  My father was the president of the Persian Educational Cultural Society and that was my exposure to the Iranian American community in Chicago on the weekends.

The Persian Educational Society was this group of Iranian expats that would get together one Friday night every month.  They would have speakers and the kids would go to something similar to Sunday school- where they learned to read and write, and talked about the culture and played games.  That is where I learned how to read initially and then I continued my lessons every summer when I went back to Iran.

In Iran, I studied Farsi for two summers at Dehkhoda.   It was single-handedly the coolest experience I had in iran.  Dehkhoda is an international school for expats, and for those who are interested in Iran and Persian culture.  Classes were for three hours in the morning and then they give you the rest of the afternoon to explore.  My classmates were from all over the world– Korea, Japan, Colombia, Venezuela, etc.  You just meet incredible people, and you can go explore Tehran together.

- What was the most valuable thing you learned at Dehkhoda? 

The most valuable thing I learned there is just being able to connect with other Iranians.  Many Iranians try to break away from the stereotype of Iran– in terms of proving how modern we can be and how we can party.  Like when Nick Kristof went to Iran, we expect him to say, “oh, these people are just like you too.”  

The most important thing about going back to Iran is learning to understand more of the culture and background of the country.

[Read more...]

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