Practice Makes Perfect

Hey joonie joons,

Shit’s about to get real dirty in a second.

But first, let me ask you this:  Ever been with a guy… and he’s going to town down there… but nothing is happening? He’s just not getting the right spot, you’re getting kinda bored- kiiinda wishing the TV was on so you could at least be entertained as he attempts to get you off.

And what sucks even more is that you don’t know what kind of direction to give him before you dry up and get over it.  Well I’m here to tell you this:

It’s okay.  There’s a solution to everything.

No need to hit it and quit it (all the time)

SOLUTION TO BAD SEX?! IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? Yes.

MASTURBATING.

I think my grandmother just turned in her grave.  Oops.

Its simple really.  No guy is going to be able to get you off if you don’t even know how to get YOURSELF off.  And here’s why.  Every girl is different.  Yes we all have the same anatomy, but we like different things.  Some girls like it when guys jack hammer them (frat boy style)… some girls just like it rough (Saaghi style)… and some love that sweet, sensual love making they only get once a month from their husbands (if they’re lucky).  But it all comes down to this:

Everyone needs direction.  Guys give us direction when we go down on them, so you can only expect that they’re going to need the same amount of help, IF NOT MORE, when they’re trying to please YOU.

Show me the way

My first time getting off was pretty unexpected.  I was a junior in high school (don’t be jealous), and my boyfriend and I were making out… among other things… when suddenly, it started to feel kinda different down there.  I’m not really sure what he was doing but, I didn’t know if I should say “Stop that feels weird,” or “Yeah baby, keep going.”

OBVIOUSLY, I decided to just keep my mouth shut and then the waterfall hit.  And it felt fucking great… but COMPLETELY unexpected and I kinda freaked out.  So I snapped out of it within 10 seconds.

That was stupid.

How the fuck am I going to sleep now

You should be experienced enough to know what is going on down there- ESPECIALLY when you’re about to get hit hard (with an orgasm)… otherwise the whole hook-up is pretty anti-climactic (pun intended).

No one wants to scare their orgasm away.

(like I did)

And by experienced, I don’t mean that you should hook up with an endless reel of guys- that’s just trashy- we’re Persian– we don’t do trashy.

The secret to a great orgasm is masturbating.  If you expect a man to be able to get it right, then you better be able to SHOW them how.  And unlike what most of our mothers say, masturbating is not disgusting, nor is it a sin.   

Even more motivation

It was after my fateful orgasm surprise that I realized it was time to poke around down there.  And it took awhile before I got it.  Plus, living in a Persian household doesn’t often leave room for much privacy.  Thank god for showers… (if you catch my drift).  But after my orgasm slip-up, no one was able to give me another orgasm until COLLEGE.  And even then- I had to give direction.

NEWS FLASH: GUYS LIKE DIRECTION… BECAUSE THEY NEED IT.

Now, before you freak out about the idea of using a VIBRATOR- just know there are always other options.  I get it- you don’t want to stick something in that is… fake…. “might break your hymen,” or simply: just loosen you up.  Take it from someone who’s never used a vibrator before (only because the one I ordered didn’t work… jk). But also keep in mind, you don’t exactly have to stick it IN for it to get the job done.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Ever heard of a shower head?  Just turn the faucet on and lay the fuck down.  But once you hit that point of ecstasy, its time to learn how to do it yourself because you kinda need to before you can expect to give any good directions.  You can’t exactly tell a guy to turn on the water.

Trust me, there have been times where the guy spent an hour down there and ALL I wanted was a fucking newspaper to help pass the time.  That’s never enjoyable… for either person.

So Persian or not,

masturbating is natural, its not gross or shameful.

 We’re sexual beings.  We’re going to get cravings, and when we’re single, I’m going to go ahead and say its better to get yourself off than have a different guy in your bed every night.  Not cute.

ONE MORE THING:

Orgasms are for everyone.  Just because you’ve never had one before DOESN’T mean you never will.

Like my Irooni mother always says, “PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.” Even though I’m pretty sure she was referring to piano… rather than getting myself off.  Who knew her advice could be so versatile?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US 

Here’s to personal hygiene,

FARRAH فرح

I’m DTF, Am I Going to Hell?

Hey joonies,

We got a white girl on the blog.

We know Saaghi really hates on them, but today we have a special guest post from  SiennaWe thought it was time to show Iranian girls everywhere: White girls struggle with some of the same issues that we do and Sienna is a true testament to that.  So read on and be enlightened:

When it comes to sex, Catholics and Muslims are NOT THAT DIFFERENT.  Surprised? Both religions place virginity on a pedestal.

Both religions teach women that if you lose it: 

(1). you’ve committed a seriously immoral act (meaning you’re now a WHORE).

(2).  you HAVE to marry him or your life will be over.

Trust me– I’ve seen it.  My Catholic friend entered college convinced she’d save it  for her wedding night… and two years later drunkenly had sex with her boyfriend.  Now she’s forcing herself to stay in a horrible, unhealthy relationship because she’s convinced she HAS to marry him.

I understand the reasoning behind this religious pressure — who wants to teach their kids its okay to bang every piece of ass that walks by?  But shame will not (and never has) deterred people from shacking up… all the religious pressure just makes sex LESS HEALTHY and MORE DANGEROUS. 

Case in point:

My Catholic university did not hand out a single condom in the health center, never breached the topic of sex in our mandatory health classes freshman year, and anyone caught having sex would be kicked off campus. But do you think that the threat of being thrown out of school ever deterred COLLEGE KIDS from having sex? NO F*CKING WAY. We just didn’t talk about it and judged everyone who did it (even if we were doing it, or were just jealous). And that is NOT HEALTHY.

Here’s why –

First reason should be a no-brainer really: condoms prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy- and no one really wants to get screwed in THAT way… just sayin’.

And the second reason pisses me off even more: making sex such a TABOO topic, such forbidden act, teaches people to be ashamed. 

For too long I lived with this GUILT stemming from everything sexual… making out with my high school boyfriend in the backseat, going to second base with the cute guy from that dorm party, and heaven forbid… MASTURBATING.  If you’re reading this and laughing, thinking how prude I am… well you might be right.  That’s what sucks the most.  Along with the guilt of being sexual, comes the JUDGEMENT from others.

Get this: I’m a virgin (no shame either– ladies give it up when you want to, no sooner and no later).  And yet, I’ve been called a whore and a slut (stories for a different time). 

It took me way too long to realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of.  I’m 22 and just becoming comfortable with my sexuality, and that sucks.  I wish I would’ve realized sooner because all of that shame and religious pressure made me really INSECURE.  Its inevitable really: When your parents, your priest, your friends are teaching you to keep it in your pants till you’re married, to reject what is NATURAL and HEALTHY and FUN… well you’ll end up not knowing up from down.

Religion has always been a part of my life, not through force or pressure, but because I think it is important.  And I used to think that sex was something special — something to be saved for marriage.  My boyfriend thought the same thing, so it was never an issue.  But as the years passed, I met people who exposed me to a new, radical idea: sex isn’t always sacred.

Yes it certainly can be.  And at times, it should be.  But I’ve come to realize that sex doesn’t mean everything, and neither does my virginity.  So I no longer plan on waiting for marriage, but I also don’t plan on losing my virginity to a guy I meet at 3 am in a seedy bar.  I’ll never be the type to sleep around, and I know that. But I also know that my first time, while not meaning everything, doesn’t mean nothing. So until I find someone I want to share that moment with, I’ll wait.  And that’s MY choice.  

Here’s the bottom line: SEX and RELIGION are NOT incompatible.  

You can be religious, you can believe in God and be a good person, you can go to Heaven and still be sexually active.  Whether you think you were created by an act of God, Allah, or your parents and a bottle of wine, you shouldn’t be ashamed of your body and how you were created.  NO religion should make you feel bad about yourself and your sexuality.  

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US 

Love,
Sienna سیعنا
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