HAPPY NEW YEAR DO’s AND DON’T’s

HEY JOON JOONS!

NEW YEAR’S EVE BABY!  As you all get prepared to go out for an evening of debauchery and fun- we thought we would provide the men with a short list of guidelines to follow as they attempt to get their New Year’s kiss (in reality, boys/men should follow these guidelines at. all. times). 

Lesson 1: stay away, they look 12 (with too much makeup)

Do’s:

1.  When you go up to a girl, make an effort to engage her friends too.  She will appreciate that you aren’t excluding her homegirls otherwise known as: you are just being creepy.

2.  Buy her a drink.  I know… common sense right?  I’m all about being independent and paying for my own shit- but its the principle: guy should always pay on the first date and hey, if you’re trying to get some action after a crazy night of drinking, then the least you can do is pay for a goddamn drink (we all know the second you get to her house, you’re going to flail around until she decides to go in your pants, and then pass the fuck out).  

3.  Make sure that you’ve both agreed to a New Year’s kiss before going in for the kill.  No one likes a surprise…

You don’t want her to be checking out the guy across the room…

Do NOT’S:

1.  Don’t get so wasted that your breath reeks of beer (gross).  Trust me, if you are THAT wasted guy… all you’ll be doing is kissing the toilet… and we will probably (likely) take pictures to show our friends the gross guy that attempted to hit on us as he was falling over.

If you merely get bad breath after a drink or two just… because…? (sidenote: you should probably see a dentist).  But ANYWAY, chew a piece of gum (cinnamon to be specific… you’re welcome) .  It’s tasty and fresh!
 
2.  When kissing, don’t slobber all over her mouth and most importantly, don’t stick your tongue in her mouth and have it just lie there like a dead eel.  Trust me: bad kisser is a major #dealbreaker. 

Gross. Just stop. Go home.

3.  Don’t be cocky.  If you really are that cute, we will notice… no need to TELL US or try to act like we are LUCKY to have your attention.  Because in reality, you are lucky that we are willing to even listen to your bullshit “hit-on” lines.  In life, you should always be modest- its helps you maintain your job, your friends and the girl you’re trying to take home that night.

So, follow these simple rules and we reassure you that your New Year’s will end up like this:

BEST. New Year’s. Ever

HAPPY NEW YEAR JOONIES!  We <3 you!

SEE YOU IN 2012!

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

FACEBOOK US

LOVE ALWAYS,

THE S&F TEAM

BlackOut Once Shame on You, BlackOut Twice Shame on Me

Hey joonies,

We apologize for the delay… took us a bit longer than expected to shed off that holiday Fessenjoon weight (no joke).  But now, New Year’s is coming up.  Hell yeah.  Bring on the party, the skanky dresses, the draaanks- shots of TEQUILAAA, vooodkaa, you name it.  This is the ultimate time of the year to get shitty wasted (minus spring break… just keepin’ it real).

As New Year’s approaches, I thought I’d share one of my (least) favorite DRUNK stories:

I’m not going to lie… I like to drink.  NOT everyday, but after a rough week of working, studying or whatever the fuck you spend your time doing… you want to let loose on the weekends.  (Warning: the older you get, the rougher the hangover… ON THE REAL).  Considering that I like to drink on the weekends NOW, you can only imagine how much I liked to drink in college: party everyday?  Pretty much.  (Don’t trip mama, I still got good grades- PERSIAN4LIFE).

I promise this was NEVER me

BACKTOTHESTORY: After I moved to the big city for college, my roommates and I decided to have a small housewarming party.  My friends from my hometown came, even the guy that I was dating came (IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: we weren’t official… excuses? I know).  We started the night… with shots.  

Cheers to …. NO BLACKOUTS! … oops?

To be honest, the night started off GREAT.  I was excited that my hometown friends/”boyfriend” were there, I made some new friends, and my new roommates and I were totally bonding.  Everything was going according to plan.  Until the fifth? shot… and with that- the hazier my memory became and pretty soon- I was GONE.BLACKED THE FUCK OUT.

I woke up the next morning next to a guy… who didn’t happen to be the guy I was dating…

Who the FUCK are you?!?!!!

I remember waking up in a panic (clothes still on incase any haters out there were wondering) and jumping out of bed to go find the guy that had driven hours to come see me that weekend.  He was packing up and getting ready to leave.  No matter how much I pleaded and begged, he wouldn’t stay.

FYI: I did end up kissing that other guy.  But luckily, it ended there.  I woke up next to him because all the other beds were taken by drunken IDIOTS (I guess I can’t talk…) and he ended up climbing in after I had already passed the fuck out.

Mmm alcohol gives you the BEST dreams

Needless to say, the “boyfriend” didn’t stick around and never talked to me again.  The guy I kissed?  Well, he did that whole, creepy lingering thing after my boyfriend left (fucking hate that- get it through your head homie, I ain’t putting out).  It was definitely a lesson learned.  I may like to drink on the weekends and have a good time- BUT I haven’t blacked out since that fateful night.   Plus, the hangover really sucked– I was in pain all damn day.

So joonies, with New Year’s coming up- be careful with the drinks.  I mean, don’t get me wrong- I will be wasted with everyone else.  But honestly, it is NOT worth being THAT GIRL (you know exactly what I’m talking about):

NO ONE wants to kiss this at midnight

Keep it classy joonies and I promise- not only will you find a HOTTER  guy to kiss at midnight, but its way better when you wake up in the morning without that panic moment where you instantly think, “OH SHIT, what did I do last night?!”  WORST FEELING EVER. 

As for now- share your drunk stories with us.  We never judge because honestly, we don’t have room to talk:

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

Your favorite (way tamer) drunk girl,

Farrah فراه

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