To FOB or not to FOB?

Hi Joonies,

Let’s talk about the advantages and disadvantages of dating FOBs.

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First, a basic definition to start off with so we’re all clear as to who this concerns:

F.O.B – (n) an acronym for “Fresh Off the Boat”, and refers to new immigrants to a country (mostly Western). Now commonly used to describe any person new to a country, who is not well versed with its language or culture (mainly Western). Can be taken as an insult, or a term of endearment (eg; pride of culture).”

PRO: They speak the mother tongue so well, and it gets you kind of hot when you guys are alone. And you know that amazing ‘Farsi/Persian‘ skills means a slam dunk with the parents.

CON: But then you realize that they have a Persian accent when they speak English, and that just makes you feel all self-conscious when you bring him around your friends. (and let’s be honest, you can never convince yourself that the accent is sexy.)

PRO: They seem to still have some old school culture and chivalry, and that makes you feel warm and lady-like– I mean, a man with manners who picks up the tab is always sexy.

CON: But some of that chivalry just turns out to be chauvinism and ….

PRO: In their lives, FOB guys have had it pretty rough and left everything they’ve known to come to a new country with a new culture. They’ve proved they can stand on their own two feet.– DAMN. #Respect

CON: BUT, they may be on the prowl for a woman just so she can replace his mom. He could be missing the warm meals and clean laundry. (watch out!)

PRO: Finally, there’s so much they can teach you about a part of your culture that you never got to experience because you’ve never spent more than a vacation’s time in Iran.

That, arguably, could be priceless.

CON: Or it could be exhausting because you’d have so much to catch them up on.

Hello, Pop Culture waits for no one!

So I guess the jury is out. With a FOB, you gain some -you lose some. It all comes down to a matter of personal taste (and patience), right?

thoughts on our new look? sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

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tweet me: @saaghi_joon

FOB/noFOB,

SAAGHI ساقی

Does Sex Change You?

The first time I had sex was pretty anti-climactic. I remember thinking, is this it? Really??? The biggest “change” I felt was the huge weight that had been lifted off my shoulders.

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I didn’t have to carry this burden called my virginity anymore. It was like the gates had opened and freedom was waiting for me on the other side.

I no longer had to worry about saving my golden virginity for that out-of-reach pedestal.

There’s so much pressure on your “first time.” It has to be with someone you love and care for, it has to be meaningful. It is going to be great.

Um great?

Let’s be honest… how many people even achieve an orgasm on their first time? Wait, let me rephrase that. How many women achieve an orgasm on their first time? For men, their first time really only requires a few thrusts before they reach that level of ecstasy. And we just lay there like… uhhhh cool story bro. Sex didn’t make me feel like a different person,

it only exposed me to an endless supply of new experiences. New first kisses, positions… flavored condoms…

(ew just kidding about that last one)

xc

My point is that sex isn’t some life-changing moment. It’s just something new. Something different. Something we all end up getting used to (unless you’re getting tied up… who gets used to that?). We put so much emphasis on who we are doing it with and when – that it’s like we forget to enjoy it. My first time lasted maybe five minutes and to this day, I barely remember what “it” felt like or how I even felt during it. It was just about getting the act of sex over with since I was with someone I thought I was in love with.

Now my first orgasm… THAT I remember as clear as yesterday and it sure as hell didn’t happen my first time.

Was your first time life-changing?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

xoxo,

FARRAH فرح

They Call Me Girl, That’s Not My Name

I don’t remember the exact day I realized that being called “girl” was demeaning. I wish I could say it was one particular scenario in which I felt infantilized, but it is very likely that I slowly came to the realization that I am indeed a woman.  I was ecstatic when I turned thirteen, and expected everyone to address me by my new age group; teenager. With age comes pride and the feeling of accomplishment; whether it is an actual accomplishment or the feeling of having survived:

the feeling that you are closer to being autonomous, emancipated, and in control of yourself.

As a Latina, I dreamed of the day I would be a Quinceañera; meaning “one who is fifteen years old” in Spanish. A Quinceañera party is not just a big hoopla, it is a rite of passage from girlhood into womanhood. My Quinceañera symbolized my development into a woman, and it was marked by a meaningful ceremony. The ceremony consisted of a religious service where I received a blessing and gave thanks for the gift of life.  My father changed my shoes from flats to high heels to signify that I was no longer a child, and my mother put a rhinestone encrusted tiara on my head to present me to the world as a queen.

My parents went through such an extravagant and expensive ceremony, just to present me to the world as no longer a girl, but a woman.

Embracing womanhood at the age of fifteen was historically necessary in the Hispanic community because it was the appropriate age for a woman to marry and bear children. In modern times, the idea that a fifteen year old girl is emotionally and physically mature to become a wife and mother is debatable, but the symbolism remains.

I didn’t feel as if I had an adult identity, or more specifically, an identity as a woman, until I finished college and entered the professional world. I was the only female, aside from a much older administrative assistant, in my department in an engineering firm. Being the only female engineer and the youngest person in my group made me realize that I wasn’t going to get respect just for being there, I had to earn it. I was immediately, the “new girl,” then “the girl working for…such and such,” and finally just “the girl that sits by the plan desk.”

It would have been inconceivable for me to call any of my colleagues “boy” because to do so would be insulting and suggests that they are incapable of handling adult tasks.

While I excelled in my career and spoke to all my coworkers as my equal, the term “girl” stuck with me. It was demeaning to have men who could be my father refer to me as “girl.”

Although I felt infantilized by my peers, I was more conflicted because I felt guilty. I call adult women, including myself, “girls” without giving it a second thought. Social outings with other women are a “girls’ night out,” and I cannot remember a time when I did not start an email or a text to a friend with the phrase “hey girl!”I have noticed that informally men and women are called “girls and guys,” especially when referring to adults in their early 20s, like most of the individuals in my social circle, and for this reason I do not see anything wrong with calling other women “girls” in an informal setting. It’s a playful expression of youthfulness, equal to “hanging out with the boys.”

But, I draw the line at calling women “girls” in a professional setting, or any setting where males are exclusively referred to as “men.”

It took me months to stand up to my colleagues about the way they addressed me, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself. Adulthood is messy and complicated, and no one truly wants to grow up, but it is part of living.

I am an adult. I am a woman. I am a self-respecting, sexual, independent, free-thinking, smart, feisty, woman.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT PATRICIA: @BESITO86

xoxo,

PATRICIA پاتریشیا

Note: This post also appears on Patricia’s blog, check it out!

 

Some Friends…

HOLA.

Maybe you’ve read this past post of mine on friendship–a.k.a methship. If not, let me sum it up:

I love my friends, like a meth head loves meth. But sometimes, some friends give me a really bad high. We’ve gone over toxic friends and boy-crazy attention whores; but ..

what about those friends that are so lovably ignorant of the ridiculous things they do?

They’re my friends, but sometimes they do sh!t and I’m like…

Seriously?

They can be narcissistic on Social networking sites; with Facebook status’ that make me want to turn the other way…

Disappointed

And not to mention, instagram pictures that have me like …

Frustrated

Was that picture really necessary? [Read more…]

IRANIAN MALES: Give Before You Take

A guest post from a male joony, who prefers to be anonymous:

Salam,

I’ve been reading your great blog posts, and it made me reflect a lot and I felt the need to give something back.

I’m what most Iranians would call an Iranian raised ‘hezbollahi’ simply for my political beliefs (and not my actual religious beliefs), but hey I lost my virginity to a doctor in London, who was older than me and was married, but not happy. Three years of crazy day-long sex encounters and not a single instance of thinking whether she enjoyed the experience.

It must be the sexual isolation in Iran that makes all men think penetration makes women as happy as men.

Some years later, I fell for a half Iranian religious, modest girl who I knew I wanted to marry. She was raised in the UK, unlike me and the Doctor. The first time she got intimate with me we dry humped till she orgasm-ed and I was left in such a shock! Women do that too???

It has been years since our wedding and as rule of thumb I do not penetrate unless she has come twice with the help of our powerful gadget :)

As religious people, we always talk about caring and giving but all of that disappears in the bedroom and it really upsets me to think how many Iranian women don’t orgasm as much as my loved one does.

However awkward this non-social topic might be, it is the only thing I talked about with my younger brother before he got married a few months back. [Read more…]

How I Feel Around White Girls

Hello there,

It dawned on me recently that I didn’t have many white girl friends (and by many I mean less than or equal to one). I can’t seem to get one to stick around for the long-friendship haul and I’ve been searching my soul to understand why?

When I’ve gone out with them, I just feel like its quickly turned… boring.

The conversations revolve around things I just don’t understand. Normal Things. Like cute dinner parties as told by DIY-Pinterest Gods. That I’ve never been invited to.

Or new Half-Marathons to run. Which make me think of running the mile in PE Class…unfortunate memories

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Or new lifestyle diets. Paleo, Juicing, Gluten Free, Vegan— I can’t even keep up with what’s the latest. But if I brought that lifestyle home my Persian family would have a few choice words for me, “Ghormeh sabzi ya kooft bokhor” (Trans: or eat crap).

But honestly, JUICING? [Read more…]

Life After College Sucks _____.

Hello there Joonies :) It’s Saaghi.

By now, all the graduates of 2013 have graduated already. And while I’ve never had any long-term dreams of being a commencement speaker, I think Mary Schmich had it right:

Inside every adult, lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out.

I barely count as an adult, but I’ve hit that one year post-graduation mark where I really wish I could stand at a podium and rain on everyone’s festive parade. I’d like to tell my peers how it really goes down— because it’s not just about sunscreen. (is my bitter showing?) From what I gather after talking to people aged 22-26, I’m not the only one who wishes someone would’ve told them straight up that Life after College sucks. I’ve mentally noted some of the reasons, thus far, I believe that to be true…

Welcome Graduates of 2013 to the real world where ‘Confused and Sarcastic’ is the new black.

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I left the wonderful and fuzzy bubble of my undergrad years to deal with an extremely new lifestyle: a real job in a different city, away from home.  And right away, I hated it and I wished my Alma Mater could have taken me back for another 4 years. 

Things got a little better when I received my first paycheck, I felt like…

And it was all exciting, picking a place to live, being “independent”. But then this sudden sense of doom hit, and I realized somethings will never be the same. [Read more…]

Body Hair: The NeverEnding Story

If you don’t know me personally you should know that I’m a sassy, liberal, Dominican, engineer, raised in New York City who is supposed to be planning a wedding with my Egyptian fiancé. We haven’t gotten to the actual planning a wedding part yet, but I have a Pinterest board (yay, progress!) Since most of his relatives live in Egypt and won’t be able to make it to the wedding we decided to visit them and have an engagement party there.

Admittedly, I was a little afraid of having an engagement party in Egypt. I’m not into events where everyone is paying attention to me, and my idea of primping for a special event consists of tweezing a couple stray hairs between my eyebrows, a grooming habit that I foolishly thought was good enough.

Little did I know that I was expected to remove every inch of hair on my body, below the hairline.

It all started the day before my engagement party, when a female relative made a casual remark about the need to buy a depilatory cream for me. I looked at her with a confused face and asked “why?!”, truly not understanding what she meant. She said that I needed to remove my body hair, especially the soft, almost nonexistent hairs on my arms and face. I told her I didn’t think it was so noticeable I had to remove it, and that I would prefer not to, but she insisted that it wouldn’t look appropriate for the engagement party.

I won’t lie, I was offended. I felt criticized and ugly, and wondered if everyone in the family wBas thinking the same thing. I left the room in a fit of pent up frustration and did what I do best, started to cry.

It got worse the day of the engagement party. I was scrutinized by every hair stylist and woman in the hair salon. They all asked (via my friend/Arabic interpreter) if I wanted to remove my body hair. When we said “no” I was looked at with pity, she was told that maybe I had not understood the question. A woman even asked if my dress was long and had sleeves, and as I replied that it was a sleeveless dress, I immediately knew why she was asking me that question.

Latinas, like all other women, have body hair. As an art teacher in high school told me once “if you have thick, dark, wavy hair on your head, it’s probably the same everywhere else in your body.” And indeed, it is, but it’s also soft and baby-like, and until I was a teenager I never felt ashamed of my body hair.

In Latino cultures body hair is considered beautiful. [Read more…]

Newton’s Third Law of Motion

Hola,

After reading Holly’s last post “Do I have it all?  I was really inspired to self-reflect on my own view of marriage, relationships, and career aspirations. Exactly one year ago, I would have read that post–with my very favorite Lady Gaga quote — and I would’ve been raising my hand, sayin’ “Preach girl!. Dreams over D’s anyday.  Now, I’m not so sure I’m a believer.

After watching a lot of The Big Bang Theory, I think I’ve found a scientific way to express myself (Note: I almost failed Physics in high schoo) Remember Newton’s Laws of Motion?  I only remember one.

“For Every Action There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction”

And while this is true with everything that feels the pull of gravity, it is actually completely false in the world of relationships.  Part of that is obvious– if you love your man, chances are he doesn’t hate you back.

But the point is, you can love someone, and they may not love you back equally. They may not love you at all.

See how that violates physics? It is counter-intuitive, and completely out of our control. It is as if you pushed a door in, but the door pushed back with double the force– or with none at all (in both cases, you would be injured). I wish my boyfriend would like me as much as I like him, but chances are the perfect state of equilibrium… does not exist. And that is scary, and it makes both people vulnerable. 

I think women fear the inequality that’s inevitable with emotional reciprocity.

Its a mouthful, and it may not even make sense but let me break it down:

I don’t think women fear waking up to a man that doesn’t love them anymore. They fear waking up to a partner that does not feel the same way. And the knowledge that they can’t do anything about it.

A pink slip at work will never feel like the moment someone says, “I’m not in love with you”, and since that is true, a professional goal can never heal a personal injury.  [Read more…]

Ari Melo: Make the Girls Say Hello

I interviewed Ari Melo about a year after I had started listening to him, and the first thing I wanted to tell him was “Thanks for helping me stay on the treadmill longer with your song “Breakaway” . Its just one of those tracks that you want to keep listening to, because every few seconds it takes you for a different ride. And all his tracks (see below) are available for a free download because he’s just that generous with the eargasms.

Ari Melo, also known as Arian, is a pretty mellow (random as he calls himself) guy. He loves his sister,  can speak computer code — and counts dancing as one of his favorite things to do. 

Overall, he’s one of those guys you meet and know that even when he makes it big, he’ll still shimmy at the Persian mehmoonis.

xx, Saaghi
ari melo wall

[Read more…]

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