MILFs and Cougars, They’re the Ones for Me

I like to think of myself as a purveyor of MILFs and cougars.

(probably due to a smooth blend of mommy issues and hundreds of hours of pornography).

I recently got my wish.

finchWhile at Notting Hill Carnival (our version of Mardi Gras in the UK where everyone goes buck-wild for two days), I met a gorgeous, brunette woman ten years older than me. She was about as mast-o-nashe (Translation: drunk and high) as me, which sped things up considerably.

After going back to her place, she turned to me about about ten minutes in and gave me an ultimatum, she asked,

Do you want to f#ck or make love?

I picked the logical one.

soulWe teased each other blindfolded, which surprisingly made everything much more intense. Though, I did slightly kill the mood at one point because years of cautious Persian upbringing and a bottle of Vodka forced me to ask if I could check her wardrobe for serial killers or cameras (I wish I was making this up). A lot of the fun was about the foreplay, using our alcohol drenched tongues and hands to “get it right.”

Five hours later, we came to the unspoken agreement that this would be something we’d do on a regular basis.

I have been with older women before, one of my deepest loves was a young mother who happened to be a chayee-sipping, ghormeh sabzi-eating member of the tribe. Although I seem to make this sound like an untapped goldmine of “anything is possible,” the truth of the matter is that dating an older woman in this day and age will just not work because:

A). Most of the time you’ve lied about your age to get her

B). She eventually needs something more sustainable than “horny little boys”

C). She probably sees herself as a “sit on my lap and have some sweeties” pedophile no matter what the age gap

The most attractive factor of being with older women is that most of them know life is short and are more willing to get crazy, and they have experience that you will only dream of. The kind of experience that will literally make you say “how the hell did you do that?” in bed, along with a glimpse into real life: what falling into debt/family problems/pregnancy among others feels like so there’s no naivety.

The most drastic difference between older women and younger girls is their mindset. Younger girls want to live their lives like an episode of Gossip Girl … and they don’t have their own place. #nooffense #teamyoungsters

gossipI don’t like to preach but…

I hope one day to see a world where older women and younger dudes can make it.

Hey, if George Clooney can openly flirt with girls half his age to sell Nespresso, why can’t Stacey’s Mom have some 20-Something Arm Candy?

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KAYVAHN کیوان

To FOB or not to FOB?

Hi Joonies,

Let’s talk about the advantages and disadvantages of dating FOBs.

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First, a basic definition to start off with so we’re all clear as to who this concerns:

F.O.B – (n) an acronym for “Fresh Off the Boat”, and refers to new immigrants to a country (mostly Western). Now commonly used to describe any person new to a country, who is not well versed with its language or culture (mainly Western). Can be taken as an insult, or a term of endearment (eg; pride of culture).”

PRO: They speak the mother tongue so well, and it gets you kind of hot when you guys are alone. And you know that amazing ‘Farsi/Persian‘ skills means a slam dunk with the parents.

CON: But then you realize that they have a Persian accent when they speak English, and that just makes you feel all self-conscious when you bring him around your friends. (and let’s be honest, you can never convince yourself that the accent is sexy.)

PRO: They seem to still have some old school culture and chivalry, and that makes you feel warm and lady-like– I mean, a man with manners who picks up the tab is always sexy.

CON: But some of that chivalry just turns out to be chauvinism and ….

PRO: In their lives, FOB guys have had it pretty rough and left everything they’ve known to come to a new country with a new culture. They’ve proved they can stand on their own two feet.– DAMN. #Respect

CON: BUT, they may be on the prowl for a woman just so she can replace his mom. He could be missing the warm meals and clean laundry. (watch out!)

PRO: Finally, there’s so much they can teach you about a part of your culture that you never got to experience because you’ve never spent more than a vacation’s time in Iran.

That, arguably, could be priceless.

CON: Or it could be exhausting because you’d have so much to catch them up on.

Hello, Pop Culture waits for no one!

So I guess the jury is out. With a FOB, you gain some -you lose some. It all comes down to a matter of personal taste (and patience), right?

thoughts on our new look? sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

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FOB/noFOB,

SAAGHI ساقی

Does Sex Change You?

The first time I had sex was pretty anti-climactic. I remember thinking, is this it? Really??? The biggest “change” I felt was the huge weight that had been lifted off my shoulders.

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I didn’t have to carry this burden called my virginity anymore. It was like the gates had opened and freedom was waiting for me on the other side.

I no longer had to worry about saving my golden virginity for that out-of-reach pedestal.

There’s so much pressure on your “first time.” It has to be with someone you love and care for, it has to be meaningful. It is going to be great.

Um great?

Let’s be honest… how many people even achieve an orgasm on their first time? Wait, let me rephrase that. How many women achieve an orgasm on their first time? For men, their first time really only requires a few thrusts before they reach that level of ecstasy. And we just lay there like… uhhhh cool story bro. Sex didn’t make me feel like a different person,

it only exposed me to an endless supply of new experiences. New first kisses, positions… flavored condoms…

(ew just kidding about that last one)

xc

My point is that sex isn’t some life-changing moment. It’s just something new. Something different. Something we all end up getting used to (unless you’re getting tied up… who gets used to that?). We put so much emphasis on who we are doing it with and when – that it’s like we forget to enjoy it. My first time lasted maybe five minutes and to this day, I barely remember what “it” felt like or how I even felt during it. It was just about getting the act of sex over with since I was with someone I thought I was in love with.

Now my first orgasm… THAT I remember as clear as yesterday and it sure as hell didn’t happen my first time.

Was your first time life-changing?

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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xoxo,

FARRAH فرح

Laws of Attraction

Check out this awesome guest post by Egyptian hottie Mona!

Picture this scenario: you meet a guy; he’s good looking, comes from a good family, is nice, well-rounded, gets nicer expressions from your mother than you do and even passes the braying interrogations of your older brother.

There is only one problem: you don’t feel it.

 Last week, in the most random of all moves, a very old friend of mine decided to ask me to marry him. Yes, marry him. As I was getting over the shock and figuring out a way to articulate the idea that he was just a friend, my family proceeded to sit me down for a terribly long lecture about “compatibility.” My sister for one, decided to break down the whole thing into interview questions to prove the point. Do you trust him?

Do you find him interesting?

Yes, yes, but not so interesting I’ll consider being with him.

boredPerhaps some time ago, I could have entertained the idea. I have known the guy forever. We get along well, talk about many things and are able to have relatively sane political discussions. For all I used to know, I could have tried to see how things could work out.

Except that at the same time this situation was brewing, I met someone else that turned my ideals upside down. [Read more…]

Do it or Lose it – 10 Ways to Deprive Yourself of Good Sex

Hey joonams,

It’s Friday and we’re ending our sex talk week with… sex talk. Because that’s more fun anyway and it’s Friday fun-day baby.

As much as we love to reflect on our best sexual experiences, sometimes there is no way to get through a night without something going wrong – the sex can turn into turn-off mode pretty damn quick! Some of it’s obvious (for some) like – please don’t have bad breath. Please try not to fart and/or burp. Duh. But we’re trying to get to the not-so-obvious so drop us a line and let us know if you think we’re on the right track. For all we know, we suck at sex (unlikely).

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#LEGGO:

1. Clothing

In the heat of the moment – sometimes not all articles of clothing make it off. And that’s fine, we don’t always mind f#cking with our tank tops on … (but please pay attention to the top area just as much as you would to my vag). However, one must go item is socks.

Socks aren’t exactly a “fuckme accessory.”

2. Refresh and Repeat

The people who jump right into intercourse are truly missing out on one of the fundamental necessities of sex: third base. Yes this means a little blow job/eat me out action.

Sex is fun – but it’s not the only guarantee of reaching pleasure. Everything else plays a huge role in reaching satisfaction. [Read more…]

Magic Johnson & My Persian Dad

For the sake of this post, I’m going to explain the reason for my long absence ( did you even miss me?!)

At the beginning of this month, I suffered somewhat of a breakdown. Too much pressure, pent up and unreleased, can do that to you. I’m just one of those people that is hardest on herself, and too forgiving of everyone else. #RECIPEFORDISASTER

Soon after, I felt a lot of physical symptoms– Then I had a lump on my neck. Then two. Then six. My lymph nodes were swollen, but I had never experienced that before, so I rushed to the doctor — who told me not to worry, my body was fighting something and, I’d probably get better in a week. Days went by, and I just got worse.

Doctors were talking about ‘Mono’. Then Cancer. Then TB.  then back to Mono. And then…HIV.

Now, given, the Healthcare system in America is jacked, yet you still never want to hear the words ‘HIV’ and ‘AIDS’ and ‘possible’ in the same sentence. It really drove me crazy. Even though I knew it wasn’t the only possibility, the fact that it was on the table as a matter of discussion just made me nuts. I started to rewind the tape on my past, questioning everything and mentally slapping myself for it all.

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When I got home, I overheard my parents talking about me in their room. I walked in and my Dad turned to me and said in Persian,

“Saaghi, tell me straight. Has there always been protection?” [Read more…]

Make Me Submissive, Baby

Happy Monday = R.I.P weekend

It was Superbowl weekend, and even though Niners lost– it was probably the best football game I’ve ever watched.

Jim Harbaugh proved that I have more in common with an NFL coach than I thought possible.

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So this post is partially an ode to Jim Harbaugh, who perfectly embodies the frustrated and helpless younger sibling in all of us.

In an earlier post, Farrah Joon talked about her take on dominating in the bedroom…and how it’s a lot better, when the guy takes control.  And to borrow a quote from the lovely lady that I think described her point definition of “DOMINATING”:

“HE TOOK CONTROL AND HE GAVE IT TO ME THE WAY HE KNEW I WOULD LIKE IT.” - Fifty Shades of Joon

And really, its true…while it may vary from girl to girl, almost all women like it when the man exercises some control. And without passing judgment, I have to ask:

Why? Why do we like it when a man plays the Dominant to our Submissive?

The ‘S’ word may be a dirty one, but deep down, every bad b*tch wants an equally (or more) powerful male to pin her down and give it to her good. [Read more…]

If All Else Fails, PLAN B.

Hello hello,

A freshly waxed Saaghi is writing to you. Kinda has me singing nails done, hair done..oh you fancy huh?

Its been a big weekend — SHOP JOON is up.

Get your #JOON game on:

sex&joon

sex&joon

Have you noticed that I (Saaghi) haven’t blogged about sex in awhile? Or did you guys think I had somehow transformed into an asexual being…?

Well, joonies, I’ve been having lots of sex…with only one person. (Uh oh, you know what that means…) And as amazingly wonderful as the sex is, we recently hit something kind of like a hurdle…

A Broken Condom.

Or should I say a torn condom? Idk, whatever its called…it happened. and Bad news is, I’m not on birth control.

In fact, I’ve never been on birth control. While most of my friends started before they were even sexually active (for various other reasons), I never really needed to be on it. My skin was fine, my periods were regular, and I guess my hormones have always had their act together. And its a blessing because I don’t think I could really remember to take a pill everyday, no matter if I know how bad the consequences could be.

And when I did become sexually active, I tried to make sure the guy wrapped it up before anything happened. The first time I visited the gyno, she lectured me on all the different forms of Birth Control (BC) and how “just a condom” was still a risk. I just nodded, smiled, and threw the brochure away…

Maybe I’m ignorant but somehow, I don’t like the idea of putting hormones in my body and getting all crazy. Yet, am I fighting the inevitable? [Read more…]

Help A Sista Out!

Hey joonies,

Every so often – we get emails asking for advice or our opinion on a certain situation.  Of course, this makes us feel great as sex wizards but — we don’t always have the answer. A lot of times, we are still trying to figure out our own love lives and the best advice we can offer is what we’ve learned through our own experiences.

With that said, we received an email recently asking us for very specific advice. And because we aren’t really sex wizards, we decided to open up the floor to our joonieshelp a sista out:

Do Persian men ever marry non-Persian women?

Especially black women.

whatevs

I am talking about a non-Muslim (he’s Baha’i), Iran born, USA raised man.

Or do they only date people from another ethnicity with no intention of  ever marrying them?

Background: I’ve known and been involved with him for about two and a half years.  I’ve never met his family — who he lives with. I’ve asked him to be straight with me: is it because I am not Persian or the same religion? He claims no. He says that it’s because once you meet them – then all the floodgates will open and his parents will keep asking when we are going to get married and have kids. I countered that by saying we will just have to explain to his parents that we are not ready for all of that yet especially, financially. To which he said that reasoning will fall on deaf ears.

So ladies, what do you think? Am I barking up the wrong tree with all Persian and Middle Eastern men? Clearly, some of them do marry outside of their race — shout out to Tehran SOParvaz. But, are the odds not in my favor?   [Read more…]

One Year of Sex & Joon

2013 is here, and this past year has been a wild ride for S&F. We started at the end of 2011, and in all honesty, we didn’t know if anyone would read the sh!t we posted online. When in the second week, the site hit 100 views– it felt like we had hit the jackpot.

We’ve never really had expectations and that is probably why everything about Sex&Fessenjoon has just been a crazy surprise.

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Nothing has been more surprising than how much it has become a part of who we each are – as writers for this site. So as an ode to a year of posts that covered everything from divorce to rape, we want to tell the story of what this blog has done for our lives.

the good & the bad.

SAAGHI:

Since this blog launched, I have gotten a lot of questions: Are you the writer for S&F? Do you know the writers? Who are they? 

Honestly, some people I lie to, and some I tell the truth. But now more recently, I find it so much harder to deny because it is a HUGE part of my life, in the sense that its something I invest a lot of time and effort in. I hold a full time job that sometimes requires 80+ hours/week– but there is not a day that goes by, that there is not AT LEAST one conversation between Farrah and I about Sex & Fessenjoon – whether its a blog post, brainstorming, strategy, interviews, etc.

You are what you do. and I do S&F. So I can’t keep it hidden.

Anonymity isn’t this wall that I hide behind, but it is how I protect the people that I love. Unfortunately, with all the questions that people ask, and the suspicions that they have– I know my confirmation or denial will come with a judgment. It’s natural, and especially in the Iranian-American community, a STAMP will be put on my forehead like a Scarlet letter.

‘S’ for Sex blogger. S for Scandal. S for shame.

I don’t care about my reputation (most of the time). But I care A LOT about my family and my friends. As much as I want to take credit for everything that I’ve done for this baby of mine, I know that there will be people who will shun not just me, but my family– and they will judge and talk sh!t.

My parents have done nothing but sacrifice for me and struggle to give me a blessed life. In return, I cannot make their life harder. I know they will stand by me even if they don’t understand, but that is not something I want to ask them to do. [Read more…]

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