You are SO dumb, FO REAL!

:)

there’s only so many ways you can say hello, and I’m all out for today. & if you love ARAB $$ and SEXY like I do, this song’ll be a hit– summer in Morocco anyone?

and I couldn’t help but post another one for the people going out this weekend:

yeah I kinda gave into #bieberFEVER just a little.

So I’ve decided I have no HOSELEH (HOS for short–patience) for two things:

- ONLINE SHOPPING emails

- Ditzy MEN

One is because I’m broke, the other because I’m too intelligent.

I dont think its ok for girls to play it stupid, but when they actually are that dumb, I just forgive them– because I’m not trying to have sex with them. But for guys, its not that easy. As much as I know not EVERY hook up isn’t going to be an Einstein, I always thought it was safe to assume they have some sort of evolutionary-given common sense. Or could suppress their stupidity for at least the short period of time it takes to get it on.

Saaghi, you’re STUPID. Again.

My friends joke with me that I get with guys on a disability spectrum– from the physically handicapped to the mentally handicapped. I mean there was that one time with the blind guy– but come on! (JK–no one said I was PC on this blog)

But really, now its become a problem: before I’d wait til the next day or tilat least the hookup was over to tell my friends of the stupid sh!t they did, but now I find myself texting/laughing DURING the whole thing.

If I can’t wait to tell the world, it means you’re that ridiculous.   [Read more...]

Out-Eat Me Baby

Hey joonjoons,

I’m just gonna go right out and say it: I hate when guys don’t eat. I know some of you are probably reading that last sentence, confused… don’t eat?  How is that even possible?  But unfortunately, its true: there is a small percentage of the male population who can’t finish their damn plate.

I’ve stopped dating two guys because they barely ate anything.  

You only look like that if you EAT

 My experiences involve a series of incidents with two guys where we went out to eat… and about halfway through their plate, they put their hand on their “food baby” and said, “Ahh I’m so full.”  What?!?! THAT’S IT?! One guy ordered a SALAD with steak… and took the rest of it home.

Not a big deal?  Sure.  But when they can’t finish the damn one scoop of ice cream… THAT’S where I draw the line. Didn’t your mama ever teach you to finish your plate? There are starving children in third world countries and you’re going to toss out the rest of your ice cream?  Are you fucking kidding me?

I won’t deny it.  I LOVE to eat… especially if I’m at a nice restaurant that serves delicious food… I would like to FINISH my plate.  How can I do that when my date khodesho naz mikone (acts like a pussy) and refuses to take just one last bite.  Do I have to spoon feed you and pretend like the spoon is an airplane just to get your ass to open your damn mouth and take one last bite?

Even this kid can feed himself (or herself?)

Worried about your girlish figure?  Well order something healthy.  Don’t have a big appetite?  Well … that’s your problem.  Pick a place that only serves salads (although, I’d probably judge you for that too) or pick something to do OTHER than going out to eat.

I’m not saying you should go overboard and eat like a monster:

THIS is overboard

But what the fuck is going on?!!?! I like it when my man can finish his damn cheeseburger and still has room to finish whatever is left on my plate.  This doesn’t mean I like fatties…

Maybe its a dominance thing.  I really hate when I have to be the “man” in the relationship whether it has to do with the fact that they CRY, or if they can’t stand up to me.  So when it comes to eating: the one thing that men are usually good at, and they can’t do it?  Well, its a turnoff. If I’m finishing MY plate and you’re not finishing yours?  I’ll probably never want to eat with you again.

“Baby let’s share, I’m watching my girlish figure,” HE says

I really can’t explain what it is.  Its just weird to me having grown up around these boys that eat everything in sight… and then actually being a GROWN-UP and being surrounded “MEN” who can’t even finish their damn salad.  I’m sorry but, when you don’t eat… it makes me  feel self conscious that I am finishing MY steak (and would probably be down to finish yours too).  Guys hate on US when we order salad or just get a small appetizer at dinner, but sadly, they’re now becoming the “starving child” in the relationship.

I’ll just leave you with this:

Real men finish their food and finish YOURS if you can’t.  

So here’s to finishing our entire plate of fessenjoon… and dating real men ;)

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

XOXO,

FARRAH فراه

Too Soft to Handle

Hello my dear joonies,

I just want to start this post off by warning all of you that this is a vent post.  That’s right.  I really need to bitch like crazy and no, not because I’m “PMS‘ing” or for any other stupid reason guys like to pin on us… but because I am utterly and completely annoyed.

Look, we all know dating is hard.  Throughout those first few weeks, we always wonder,

“Does he just want ass or is he for real?”

“Do I actually like him… or his hot piece of ass friend?”

Even till your mid 20s (can’t speak for any age older than that), you have to know how to play the game (which I actually find incredibly depressing because guys just never learn to put their bullshit aside- but then again, the same could be said of some girls).  But let’s say: you finally think you found someone that you really seem to connect with.  Things are getting a little more exciting and you are just starting to get to know each other then… BAM, his insecurities are suddenly on the table and slapping you in the face.

I am all about being there for my man and making sure he feels needed, whatever.  But this comes LATER.  This comes after we have been talking for awhile and a certain foundation for our relationship has been established, NOT after the first date.

Listen up boys… here are some major pointers to keep in mind:

Do’s: 

1.  Make me feel special- whether its through texting, gchatting, etc.  Simple gestures count.  

2.  Make me feel like I’m the only girl in the room.

3.  Make plans for the future. And calm your ass down- I’m not talking years down the road… I’m talking like the upcoming weekend homie.  

Don’ts: 

1.  Don’t text me incessantly asking me if everything is okay JUST BECAUSE I can’t hang out.  I’m busy.  The more you act upset about it, the less likely I’m going to want to see you again.

2.  Don’t ask me to hang out everyday or whenever you think I have a free second.  You all like girls that play hard to get, right?  Well, it goes both ways- we don’t want some little bitch guy who is stuck to our ass all the damn time.

3.  Be a man.  Yes I know- I’m gender stereotyping right here.  But I’m sorry, I don’t want to have to baby you and hold your hand to guide you through the relationship.  If I wanted a baby, I’d get knocked up.

I think I’m pretty blunt most of the time and a little aggressive (if you can’t already tell)… I need someone that can handle it and put me in my place.  NOT someone who might possibly cry.  I’m just saying, I don’t want to be the one proposing… so MAN UP:

Wear the pants in the relationship.  Don’t be a “zan-zalil” (persian for whipped)  understood?!  Of course, sensitive guys can be great– don’t get me wrong.  I know that there will be times when you will need a shoulder to lean on and really, I will be there for you without any judgment.  But until we get to that point of our relationship, please don’t give me a play by play of everything you are doing- sometimes a little mystery goes a long way!

So come on ladies, what turns you off?  Or boys- am I being completely unfair?  Let us know:

FACEBOOK US

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

Love always,

Farrah فراه
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