Can I Get An OH With That

JOONs,

Saaghi and I are finally reunited after what feels like foreverrr – AKA blogspiration.  So check out our new poll below and let us know what you think.

I’m writing to you from the comfort of my mom’s couch.  Is it just me or is everything more comfortable at the parent’s house? The blankets are warmer, the food is better, the towels are softer.  I love coming home — and unlike before, I’ve mastered the art of avoiding their constant guilt trip.

“You’re leaving?”

Y-E-S.

“You don’t want to have dinner with us?” 

N-O.

I’ve had some difficulty coming up with ideas to write about.  Probably because my dating life is a little non-existent and my work life has basically taken over.  But, being so wrapped up with everything unrelated to sex makes me realize…  

that sometimes fantasizing is better than the real thing.

Unfortunately, in my life — fantasies don’t exist.  Imagining the perfect man springing you out of the strip club you’ve had to resort to is just a stupid dream that only slutty Persian girls think about.  Oh wait… just kidding.

The point is that every time I come home…

I’m reminded of the horror and nightmares that only Persian parents can put you through. [Read more...]

Not thug life, but the Double Life.

Happy Tuezday.

Here’s something that made my week: the fact that my friends want me to dress up as Bert for Halloween. My question is,

Which Persian girl puts on a unibrow, voluntarily?

image

I thought bad eyebrows were like bad noses, you get rid of them and deny deny deny you ever had one? Or is the UNI in now? Someone fill me in.

Anyway, my grandparents were in town for awhile, all the way from eeRAN, and aside from lots of lavashak and pistachios, they bring a suitcase full of “Naseehat” (guidance from elders).

The problem with that is, I hate NASEEHAT. I’m comfortable enough with my parents to stop them before they get ahead with all their ‘guidance’ lectures–’Dad, the decibel level of your voice annoys me‘. But with my grandparents, I can’t be so direct. I have to swallow my pride, and smile, and nod–as if I’m actually going to take what they say into consideration.

Do you see how immature and stubborn I am?

But, in my defense, as I’ve… aged… I’ve gotten better at identifiying the ‘GOOD Naseehat‘ from the ‘OBNOXIOUS Naseehat’. Especially now that I’m out on my own, with my own bills and finances and Adult-ness,

I know I can’t learn everything the hard way– cause if I do, it’ll end with bad credit, a mug shot, and an ‘I TOLD YOU SO’. [Read more...]

I Am Not A Whore

One of the downsides to being a blogger, especially an Iranian-American one, is the uncomfortable truth you have to come to terms with: your personal stories are no longer going to be personal. And while we try to share ours in a lighthearted and fun way, there are posts on the pages of this blog that we’ve thought twice about publishing— like the one titled, I Said NoIt has been our choice to share our experiences as victims of rape/sexual abuse, and we expected to hear all sorts of feedback and opinions—S&F is democratic of course.

However, the drawbacks of “nakedly” exposing ourselves are really, absolutely, UNimportant when we realize that we’ve been heard and we’ve reached some people.

Fck our ABEROO (reputation) when one more girl can come to terms with her painful story of sexual assault.

We thank this guest blogger for allowing us to share her story because her courage means the world to us.

Enjoy.

xx,

S&F

I was 19 and I had just started university.  I was excited to meet new people and to be a part of the student life– and the freedoms that came with it.

I moved away from my family home and it was the first time I was actually independent.

No parents

During the first few months at my university, I met a guy and I thought he was amazing.  We started dating and eventually, he became my boyfriend… my first boyfriend. I had never been with a guy before in any kind of way and I wanted to take things slow. 

One night, I invited him to my student hall and we ended up kissing.  Things got heated. When I felt that he was turned on there, I started to panic and asked him to stop.

He didn’t stop and he took off my jeans, the whole time making me feel guilty for saying no and reassuring me that it’s normal because “we are together.” [Read more...]

My Virginity is Not A Challenge.

Happy MONDAY Joonies, I keep it #FRESH as Hell, thanks to DIPLO:

Ironically, I’m extremely uncomfortable getting detailed/personal– but its not fair that Farrah spills all the personal shit, and Saaghi gets away with sarcasm & embarassing stories.

I don’t know how many of you reading are virgins, half-virgins, or far from it. But in both the Persian & American culture, its kind of a big deal where you stand in regards to the BIG V.

As girls, we don’t know what to do with it–lose it? Keep it? Save it? Share it?

As guys, they just want to get it over with, and never look back. The longer a guy is a virgin, the more of a repressed creep he becomes.

[Read more...]

The SingleMan Party

Hey joonie joons,

We decided it was time for a different perspective on the blog– a male perspective.  It’s been a little while since we heard some of our Persian men air out their dirty laundry so what better way than with an exclusive interview with one of West Coast’s finest, THE GRADUATE.  He’s young, hot, successful and living big… what more can you ask for? We’re hoping he can shed some light into the complicated lives of Persian men– plus, we are really excited to read what HE has to say about the double standard between Persian men and women.  Hope you’re ready for this one because we’re sure he won’t disappoint: 

- What kind of lifestyle would you say you had in college– Did your social scene ever evolve as you became older or did it remain the same? 

I had a girlfriend in high school and after we left for college, we tried to do the long distance thing.  But, it just didn’t work out, and I was confused about how I felt and what was going on in that relationship.  My first year of college provided me with a lot of distractions:  lots of parties, lots of girls and lots of drinking.

I have many older, male cousins and they had told me that college is supposed to be the best years of your life, so I had that kind of mindset and those expectations — and it was with that frame of mind that really led the basis of my life in college.

I was experimenting and dating around as much as I could.   [Read more...]

Gotta Let It Go

Hellohello jooonies,

Tonight’s topic is dedicated to several of our wonderful jooooons who have emailed/commented and asked for a post on this (thank you for that):

DATING IRANIAN BOYS… IN IRAN.

I’ve talked about this particular experience before (click here), but I left out all the real details: the drama, cheating and sex at grandma’s.  Because let’s be real:

Persian girls aren’t the only ones that bring on the drama.

It’s not always romance and butterflies

We’ve all had summer/vacation flings– and sometimes they’re the best relationships because you leave before anything gets “too complicated.”  Most importantly, you only remember the good times… all those unreturned phone calls are quickly forgotten.

Unless your fling lasted six years like mine did.  

[Read more...]

Glad You Came.

JOOONS. Meet our guest writer of the day, here to give you some wisdom (S&F style). Remember, if you wanna write for us, you just gotta holler at our inbox: sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

READON (hint: sex and mommy issues explored).  

“They throw you out like a napkin”

was what my Irooni mother said to me. I was 16, and I had just given my first boyfriend a blow job.

You see, my mom and I did NOT have the typical hushhush “NO MOM WE DONT HOLD HANDS/ NO MOM IVE NEVER TOUCHED A BOY IN MY LIFE” type of relationship. we were actually pretty open with each other—”friends” she liked to call it. BAD DECISION. Trust me, it was not a blessing.

I mean some mothers are really insane. #toddlersandtiaras.

From then on, I was given the impression that sex, oral sex included, was for men. I was just there for decoration, or so I was told. Like most other persian girls, I experienced a lot of guilt through my teenage years.

After every “base” I covered, my friends and I were burdened with questions like “is he USING me?” or “will he break up with me now?”

Instead of thinking about our own modes of pleasure.

“His penis was not big enough”

“He needs to do more dirty talk” (if you’re not talking dirty, you’re not having good sex– #justsayin)

or just plain and simple…

“He doesn’t make me come”

And obviously, when you view your sexuality as belonging to someone else; being someone’s toy, or an object of pleasure –>> you give them the power to dictate how you feel.

For instance, when I had sex for the first time, it was quite the circus scene. I was crying, my mom cried, my vagina cried. It was just a big mess. The sex sucked, it hurt, and resulted in me turning into a crazypsychoirooni bitch (sh!t happens).

britbrit when she went craycray.

THEN, SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED: I was introduced to the vibrator. And as a shout out to JAMES BOND &FARRAH–YOU ARE CORRECT. ITS THE ORGASM THAT GETS US GIRLS INTRODUCED TO THE BEAUTY OF SEX. For other girls, it may be a loving boyfriend, or a bomb ass therapist who teaches you that sex is for your enjoyment as well, but I had to learn that from a 6 in. long battery operated machine.

Once I decided that sex was for ME, I had emotion-less, detached sex with some sefid kid and GORGED in it. For once, I felt like a real woman.

Not an object, a decorative piece, or a slut. It was when I was able to have emotionless sex, that I realized my sexuality was mine, and mine alone.

BUT THEN, I got slapped in the fucking face (again, sh!t happens). I got busy with this Indian/Pakistani I-banker (no sex- still kept some level of restraint).  As soon as we were done, I put my clothes back on and was ready to leave until he said…….

“Sooooo you don’t want to snuggle or anything?”

Wait, what? “uh….am I supposed to want to snuggle??”

“I don’t know, I just don’t want you to feel like a slut or something”

And that was it. I finally got it.

As much as us girls want to be progressive and have sex cause we like it (not cause we wanna have babies or be in love), guys will continue to think that it has an emotional aspect, that sex is a man’s world, that a woman’s enjoyment is secondary during sex.

But it also put a lot in perspective for me–I got used to having emotionless sex. My sefid boy from college got me used to hitting it and quitting it in his frat room (SHOUT OUT TO SAAGHI–FRAT AS FUCK), and I got used to putting on my clothes as fast as my first boyfriend would come.

So theres trial and error:

Have sex without emotion with someone who doesn’t deserve it?

CHECK.

Sex without emotion with someone who could potentially deserve your emotions?

FAIL.

Realizing your sexuality should be a way for us Persian girls to make sense of sex. Not to abuse it. Or else we’d just be sefid (white) girls.

…um.

FACEBOOK US

sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

As snuggly as ever,

Shabnam شبنم

I’m DTF, Am I Going to Hell?

Hey joonies,

We got a white girl on the blog.

We know Saaghi really hates on them, but today we have a special guest post from  SiennaWe thought it was time to show Iranian girls everywhere: White girls struggle with some of the same issues that we do and Sienna is a true testament to that.  So read on and be enlightened:

When it comes to sex, Catholics and Muslims are NOT THAT DIFFERENT.  Surprised? Both religions place virginity on a pedestal.

Both religions teach women that if you lose it: 

(1). you’ve committed a seriously immoral act (meaning you’re now a WHORE).

(2).  you HAVE to marry him or your life will be over.

Trust me– I’ve seen it.  My Catholic friend entered college convinced she’d save it  for her wedding night… and two years later drunkenly had sex with her boyfriend.  Now she’s forcing herself to stay in a horrible, unhealthy relationship because she’s convinced she HAS to marry him.

I understand the reasoning behind this religious pressure — who wants to teach their kids its okay to bang every piece of ass that walks by?  But shame will not (and never has) deterred people from shacking up… all the religious pressure just makes sex LESS HEALTHY and MORE DANGEROUS. 

Case in point:

My Catholic university did not hand out a single condom in the health center, never breached the topic of sex in our mandatory health classes freshman year, and anyone caught having sex would be kicked off campus. But do you think that the threat of being thrown out of school ever deterred COLLEGE KIDS from having sex? NO F*CKING WAY. We just didn’t talk about it and judged everyone who did it (even if we were doing it, or were just jealous). And that is NOT HEALTHY.

Here’s why –

First reason should be a no-brainer really: condoms prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy- and no one really wants to get screwed in THAT way… just sayin’.

And the second reason pisses me off even more: making sex such a TABOO topic, such forbidden act, teaches people to be ashamed. 

For too long I lived with this GUILT stemming from everything sexual… making out with my high school boyfriend in the backseat, going to second base with the cute guy from that dorm party, and heaven forbid… MASTURBATING.  If you’re reading this and laughing, thinking how prude I am… well you might be right.  That’s what sucks the most.  Along with the guilt of being sexual, comes the JUDGEMENT from others.

Get this: I’m a virgin (no shame either– ladies give it up when you want to, no sooner and no later).  And yet, I’ve been called a whore and a slut (stories for a different time). 

It took me way too long to realize that I have nothing to be ashamed of.  I’m 22 and just becoming comfortable with my sexuality, and that sucks.  I wish I would’ve realized sooner because all of that shame and religious pressure made me really INSECURE.  Its inevitable really: When your parents, your priest, your friends are teaching you to keep it in your pants till you’re married, to reject what is NATURAL and HEALTHY and FUN… well you’ll end up not knowing up from down.

Religion has always been a part of my life, not through force or pressure, but because I think it is important.  And I used to think that sex was something special — something to be saved for marriage.  My boyfriend thought the same thing, so it was never an issue.  But as the years passed, I met people who exposed me to a new, radical idea: sex isn’t always sacred.

Yes it certainly can be.  And at times, it should be.  But I’ve come to realize that sex doesn’t mean everything, and neither does my virginity.  So I no longer plan on waiting for marriage, but I also don’t plan on losing my virginity to a guy I meet at 3 am in a seedy bar.  I’ll never be the type to sleep around, and I know that. But I also know that my first time, while not meaning everything, doesn’t mean nothing. So until I find someone I want to share that moment with, I’ll wait.  And that’s MY choice.  

Here’s the bottom line: SEX and RELIGION are NOT incompatible.  

You can be religious, you can believe in God and be a good person, you can go to Heaven and still be sexually active.  Whether you think you were created by an act of God, Allah, or your parents and a bottle of wine, you shouldn’t be ashamed of your body and how you were created.  NO religion should make you feel bad about yourself and your sexuality.  

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US 

Love,
Sienna سیعنا
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