Good Little Persian Boy

JOOOOONIES.

I’m going to bring us back for a second… to sex.  Because let’s just be real– we like that sh*t (at least Saaghi and I do).

Let’s cut right to it, we’re Persian girls and MOST of the time, we like Persian boys.  In fact, if we deviate from the standard mama loving Irooni pesar then we are rebels.

Oh yeah, she likes ARABS.

or

She’s going through some Sia phase right now.

It’s never completely acceptable for us to deter from what our mothers taught us: a Persian man vill be your future hus-baaand, fahimidi? 

Off limits… 

But what about the Persian boys? What do they learn growing up?

DATE THE VIRGIN.  BRING THE VIRGIN HOME TO MADAR.  MARRY THE VIRGIN.   [Read more…]

Don’t Hate the Playa, Be Better at the Game

Hey jooooons,

Mondays suck.  But what better way to start off your week with some sex and a side of fessenjoon?  That’s what I thought.

I was going to write about my favorite position but I figured that’d be a little unfair… guys should learn that shit on their own or just stalk me.  Its all about experimenting!

Don't be afraid to just get at it

Jump on it

Before I get into tonight’s topic, let me start with a little story:

Back when I was a virgin (awww), I had to compensate with my hookups in different ways.  Mostly because I never wanted a hook up to know that I was a virgin because I was scared that they wouldn’t want to be with me if they knew how innocent I really was.  Stupid?  I was young… and impressionable.

Therefore, I always played the card, “Yeah baby, we’ll f*ck next time.”

And then the next time, I’d say the same thing… “not tonight” or “you’re going to have to work for it.”  WHO KNOWS how I got away with that shit but I managed to keep guys around for MONTHS thinking that they’d finally get laid if they just kept working at it.

HORNINESS CLOUDS JUDGMENT.  

GET REAL. 

I learned a valuable lesson as a virgin: I was able to keep guys around for so long just because they were continuously working for it.

NEWS FLASH: Fucking guys is never going to land you the guy.  

Horny Frat Boy's Motto

Horny Frat Boy’s Motto

Here’s the thing.  We always talk like we hating playing games, but when it comes down to it:

LIFE IS A GAME.

You beat out others to get on top (no pun intended) whether its in your career or with a man.  He might be better about giving you the go around when it comes to the beginning stages of dating, but we hold all the cards when it comes to sex.  

And here’s why:

Guys will always be down to have sex with you.  The few instances where they actually want to wait… well then they’re just a bitch (jk– they’re the good ones so don’t screw it up).

NORMALLY, guys are going to want you whether you’re their girlfriend or some girl they’ve taken out to dinner a few times.  But if you want to reel that guy in as your man/boyfriend/futurehusband, then my advice: Don’t fuck him.

She knows all about the game

She knows all about the game

There’s a reason why sex is considered the “last base,” the “home run.”  When a guy finally achieves that with a girl, they’re “bringing it home” and there is nothing else to look forward to for them.  They’ve done the unthinkable, they got you to bed… so, what now?  On to the next.  *Especially if there is no attachment holding them back.

Therefore if you really like someone, then you have to leave sex for when you’ve actually progressed in your relationship.  Sneaky?

Um yeah, almost as “sneaky” as waiting 45 fucking minutes to text someone back.  We don’t have all day, and you just look stupid when you wait EXACTLY 40 minutes to respond.  But, take as long as you want to text and I’ll take as long as I want to have sex.

I think that’s pretty fair, don’t you?

Guys are different from girls.  They don’t always get that immediate attachment to someone they have sex with (reality: neither do some girls).  And unfortunately, too many girls think,  “If I have sex with him, he’ll never want to leave me.”

Don’t be that girl.  

I saw so many of my college friends sleep with someone before being in a relationship and then crying about it afterwards because the guy was ignoring them.  Look either you really suck in bed, or you shouldn’t have given it up that quickly. #TRUESTORY.

Unless you’re this girl– she just a hoe

I’m not saying that hot, emotionless sex isn’t possible and isn’t good– because if anyone read my last post (click here), you’d know that I’m ALL FOR THAT.

All I’m saying is that don’t use sex as an excuse to get closer to someone if you want him to be your boyfriend because that shit just isn’t going to happen.

Its part of the game and here’s how it goes (NO matter what some guys say):

- Sex is a “home-run” so only winners should really have a chance to get that far with you.

Most importantly:

- It doesn’t matter if you’ve been “seeing each other” for months.  If he really cares, he’ll wait– and if he doesn’t, then he’s not worth your time anyway.

I am Persian and I vill hit it and quit it- fahmidi?

This is ESPECIALLY the case when it comes to Persian guys.  They fuck the one girl but they marry the innocent one.  So don’t give it up so quick if you’re trying to land a Persian because at the end of the day, they love sex, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to love you for giving it to them.  

And there are so many other fun things to do before getting to sex- so enjoy it.  Because nothing is more fun than teasing :)

So boys– don’t be mad–  DON’T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME.  

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

I just gave away my game, so follow me on Twitter: @Farrah_joon

Told you I wasn’t a hoe,

FARRAH فرح

Independence is Not a Crime

Hihihihi jooooooooons,

HAPPY FRIDAY!  Finally, a three-day weekend.  Its been too long.  I’ve had an especially shitty week.  On top of work (ugh), I had to deal with post-relationship distress.

You see, not too long ago, my boyfriend dumped my ass because I got a job before him.  I mean, I get it… to an extent.  Here I am, new in town, and I pull a job at one of the most prominent companies in the U.S. My dream job. He has his Master’s degree… and has been looking for a job for almost two years, with NO lead in sight.  Its dumb luck really (or I’m just that great).

ANYWAY, when he breaks up with me, he says he doesn’t want to be with anyone until he can get his professional shit together.  Okay, I accept.

Last night, he says he’s dating someone new.  STILL NO JOB IN HAND.  What does she do?

She went to his high school in some butthole town in a random ass state, and is now a Kindergarten teacher.

I have nothing against teachers, because where I would be without them? Oh yeah, on the streets.  But here is my problem:

He picked someone that would never be his competition.  She will always be his subordinate, he will always be higher than her even if he has a hard time finding a job- she ain’t got shit on him.

CLASSY.

Deal with it

But me?  I’m different– I’m not like that.  I will never put a man before my professional career and that’s just how I was raised.  Was I supposed to turn the job down because he might break up with me? NO.

Here is the deal:  if you’re really a MAN, then no matter what life throws your way- you should be able to handle it.  Even if your girlfriend or wife does better than you professionally.  Screw this bullshit stereotype that teaches us that MEN have to be the successful ones.

Even on TV, you watch these lame ass shows about women who are the top dogs at their company yet they’re always alone. And for some reason, they’re always depicted as unhappy.  

Why?

Men are taught to be chauvinistic pigs.

They learn early in life that if they can’t be the breadwinner then something is WRONG with them.  And if women are killing it in their careers, then they’re a heartless bitch.

 It is NOT our job to be submissive… it is NOT our job to be VIRGINS, it is our destiny to improve. This stigma that we have to be less than our men is the age old story, and I am fucking tired of it.

Now that we have it we’re a lost cause?

Its time for a new story.

I’m tired of hearing about how couples like “Seal and Heidi Klum” got divorced because she was doing better in her career than him.  Or that Oprah isn’t married because she’s just “too successful“– when in reality: MAYBE SHE JUST SUCKS IN BED!  I’m tired of hearing that if I choose to excel at my job, then I might never have a family.

But most of all, I’m tired of the fear.

Do I have to be in a stagnant position just to ensure that my personal life is successful?

How does that make any sense? 

ESPECIALLY as Persian women, we are automatically supposed to know how to cook, sew and be child raising  professionals.  On top of that, we are expected to remain sexually inexperienced.  Why?  Well that’s what womanhood is right?  Its “CUTE” to be a virgin.  Guys like that.

Guys want us to be innocent with no job in hand and an untouched hole. What a bunch of gender bias bullshit.

May not be parallel, but they intersect

Dear ALL MEN (especially Persian men),

If you want to be THE MAN, the sexy, confident, successful man that we all want at our side, then you should be happy for your woman… don’t overcompensate by choosing someone below you.  Be with someone who challenges you, motivates you.  Its the twenty-first fucking century- it ain’t 1945, so stop acting like a douche.

And women:  Excel.  Be motivated. Don’t just be good at your job, be great at it.  Its a new time- as women, we are all standing up and fighting for our place.  Even women in Iran are fighting to make a difference– women in Iran attend University at a higher rate than men do.  It was the women of Iran who first organized the Green Movement and motivated the people to go to the streets to FIGHT for what they believe in.

#wisdom

So ex boyfriend, I’ll leave you with this– I hope you marry Miss Kindergarten, really I do.  She’s MY subordinate, and you really don’t deserve to be with anyone at my level. sorryboutit.

Its time to stop being a little bitch.

MAN THE FUCK UP PEOPLE.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

Love,

FARRAH فرح
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