Loose as a Goose

JOOONIESSS.

What up.  Happy f#cking Monday.  Now let’s get right to it.

Bar Etiquette.

Going out with my girlfriends is a pretty regular occurrence on the weekends– as I would assume the same for most of you joonies out there.  No need to hide it, sometimes you just gotta let loose and forget about all the shit you have to get done on Monday.

Work hard, play harder #mottoforlife

It really helps getting through your week knowing that you have FRI./SAT. night to kick it.

#firstworldproblems

Obvs. I’m not the only one out there who likes to leave my problems at home and just get crazy with my girls– but lately, I’ve been noticing others act like total fools at the bar… and unfortunately, we’re not all 21 anymore so let’s have a little class (even when we’re wasted).

Since when is being a total shitshow EVER cute?   [Read more...]

BlackOut Once Shame on You, BlackOut Twice Shame on Me

Hey joonies,

We apologize for the delay… took us a bit longer than expected to shed off that holiday Fessenjoon weight (no joke).  But now, New Year’s is coming up.  Hell yeah.  Bring on the party, the skanky dresses, the draaanks- shots of TEQUILAAA, vooodkaa, you name it.  This is the ultimate time of the year to get shitty wasted (minus spring break… just keepin’ it real).

As New Year’s approaches, I thought I’d share one of my (least) favorite DRUNK stories:

I’m not going to lie… I like to drink.  NOT everyday, but after a rough week of working, studying or whatever the fuck you spend your time doing… you want to let loose on the weekends.  (Warning: the older you get, the rougher the hangover… ON THE REAL).  Considering that I like to drink on the weekends NOW, you can only imagine how much I liked to drink in college: party everyday?  Pretty much.  (Don’t trip mama, I still got good grades- PERSIAN4LIFE).

I promise this was NEVER me

BACKTOTHESTORY: After I moved to the big city for college, my roommates and I decided to have a small housewarming party.  My friends from my hometown came, even the guy that I was dating came (IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: we weren’t official… excuses? I know).  We started the night… with shots.  

Cheers to …. NO BLACKOUTS! … oops?

To be honest, the night started off GREAT.  I was excited that my hometown friends/”boyfriend” were there, I made some new friends, and my new roommates and I were totally bonding.  Everything was going according to plan.  Until the fifth? shot… and with that- the hazier my memory became and pretty soon- I was GONE.BLACKED THE FUCK OUT.

I woke up the next morning next to a guy… who didn’t happen to be the guy I was dating…

Who the FUCK are you?!?!!!

I remember waking up in a panic (clothes still on incase any haters out there were wondering) and jumping out of bed to go find the guy that had driven hours to come see me that weekend.  He was packing up and getting ready to leave.  No matter how much I pleaded and begged, he wouldn’t stay.

FYI: I did end up kissing that other guy.  But luckily, it ended there.  I woke up next to him because all the other beds were taken by drunken IDIOTS (I guess I can’t talk…) and he ended up climbing in after I had already passed the fuck out.

Mmm alcohol gives you the BEST dreams

Needless to say, the “boyfriend” didn’t stick around and never talked to me again.  The guy I kissed?  Well, he did that whole, creepy lingering thing after my boyfriend left (fucking hate that- get it through your head homie, I ain’t putting out).  It was definitely a lesson learned.  I may like to drink on the weekends and have a good time- BUT I haven’t blacked out since that fateful night.   Plus, the hangover really sucked– I was in pain all damn day.

So joonies, with New Year’s coming up- be careful with the drinks.  I mean, don’t get me wrong- I will be wasted with everyone else.  But honestly, it is NOT worth being THAT GIRL (you know exactly what I’m talking about):

NO ONE wants to kiss this at midnight

Keep it classy joonies and I promise- not only will you find a HOTTER  guy to kiss at midnight, but its way better when you wake up in the morning without that panic moment where you instantly think, “OH SHIT, what did I do last night?!”  WORST FEELING EVER. 

As for now- share your drunk stories with us.  We never judge because honestly, we don’t have room to talk:

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

FACEBOOK US

Your favorite (way tamer) drunk girl,

Farrah فراه

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