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A White Girl Party


Hello world.

I grew up in your average Iranian-Muslim household.

Unless I wanted my grave dug for me, alcohol + boys were out of the question. and let me tell you, my biggest fear in life is being buried alive–so i followed the rules.

untillllll that fateful day, where i took my first swig of alcohol at a friend’s birthday party.

Hello, liberation.

I believe alcohol for us mideastern girls is the first ticket to hell, the second is the drunk hook up. why is it, that our introduction to S-E-X (meaning ALL THE BASES) is always intertwined in our experiences with alcohol?

Couldn’t we live like those nice white girls down the street, that kissed boys on the monkey bars–dated in high school–went to prom with a guy who wasn’t scared of their dad’s AK-47?

Nope. nope. nope. we’re dealt a different hand. You don’t know what a penis looks like (outside of sex ed handouts) until you get to that college party where the drunk frat guys pees on the grass in front of you. You don’t know what to do with your mouth, until youre a few shots deep in vodka. and you definitely will never, EVER, EVER bring your booty call by your parents house.

This is when I realized, my culture, my religion, and my parents were NOT the enemy. its WHITE GIRLS!

Now back to the a-a-a-a-alcohol, blaming it on the goose–that its got you feeling loose. but even with lowered inhibitions, why is it still not as fun?! Here’s the thing I noticed after 328904329048390 nights of drinking behind enemy lines (aka a sorority). White girls use alcohol to bring out their inner slore (slut+Whore). bye bye good white girl that wants commitment and picket-fenced house and WASPman, helloo dirty dancing hot mess. Three hook ups in one night? NO PROBLEM!

Middle Eastern girls use alcohol to bring out their inner white girl. Somehow our repressed sexual-ness becomes a motivator to find one guy who we can obsess over, hook up with while still feeling guilty, and end the night with some girl-drama.

Here’s the point: the drunk white girl wants it, and gets it – end of story (repeat sometimes). the persian drunk girl (myself) wants it, hates herself for getting it, hates/loves who gives it to her, and HATEHATES the dumb (divooneh) bitches allegedly giving her a dirty look.

and then we wonder why persian guys date white girls? HELLO BAGGAGE.

but im not trying for too much hate here, so if you’re middleeastern, have a white best friend, and can drunk hook up without the mindfuck- pat yourself on the back, and teach me your ways: sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

Love ALways,

Saaghi ساقی

p.s. im not done hating white girls, the tale is long and complex, stay tuned.

image source (youngforever18)

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Comments

  1. Moore of Me says:

    wow! really?!?! blaming others for your own insecurities…american culture european culture as well as middle eastern culture all revolve celebrations, traditions and other various functions around alcohol….its ur birthday – have a drink…ur getting married – have a drink…ur bf dumped you – have a drink…etc, etc, etc…alcohol brings out a different person – the not so sober person that is screaming to get out…seeing as the middle eastern culture seems to pride itself upon abstinence from the things americans dont abstain from, i am sure you could have that inner-self screaming to get out and it will get out eventually… maybe from having a drink or two or three. sounds like a white girl took ur man after a long night of drinking and you are feeling resentment towards her… my best friend is middle eastern…i am white…if i wanna fuck someone i dont need to have a drink…and neither does she…and i dont even drink…she does…maybe you need to find some NEW WHITE GIRLS! obviously the ones you are associating with are trash…goodluck

    • Honestly, we love our haters because we love feedback, but you’re a special one “moore of me” because half of that paragraph doesn’t make sense: “seeing as the Middle East culture seems to pride itself upon abstinence from the things Americans don’t abstain from…”– sorry, what does that mean? You just said, “Middle Eastern culture all revolve around celebrations, traditions and other various functions around alcohol.”– So where’s the abstinence if we revolve our celebrations around alcohol? (Which we don’t, if you don’t believe us, I’m sure your token Middle Eastern friend can tell you.”

      You write “sounds like a white girl took ur man after a long night of drinking and you are feeling resentment towards her”

      Well, sounds to us like you’re feeling resentment because you’re not as repressed :)

      But in all seriousness, If we’re failing to understand your main argument, we apologize because we just have your comment to go off– email (or keep commenting): sexandfessenjoon@gmail.com

  2. Moore of Me says:

    i meant as in you abstain from non-marital sex or sex acts unlike most americans…i probably should have been more clear….by saying this…im sure it all kind of makes sense now as to what i was trying to get across. if i wanna hook up i dont need to be drunk…if i want to celebrate someones life i dont need to have a drink…

    in my mind….however screwed up and unique it is….it seems like you probably shouldnt be drinking with these white girls anymore haha…”white isnt for everyone”…hell…most of my friends are culturally diverse . persian, armenian, puerto rican, mexican, etc…every now and then i throw in a white girl into the mix…but in general i love other cultures and the way they view life…the american culture is so dull and blah…anyways im rambling…

    hope my last post makes more sense now…

  3. Dokhtare kootah ovord…hahha

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