Is it just me or does every Persian mother threaten you with the idea that a tampon is going to take away your virginity?
If we are going to get really technical… then yes a tampon goes exactly where… a guy would. But really? Yes mom, I have had sex… BUT not with a guy (or girl… or strap on… or whatever else your dirty mind is thinking of right now). I feel like this was the excuse my mom used to keep tabs on my sex life, “Yes you can start wearing tampons when you have had sex.” Um so does this mean I’m supposed to tell you or will the new box of tampons in our family bathroom be indication enough that I’m getting down and dirty?
Of course, as I got older, her “theories” only got worst. I think my favorite was, “I can tell when people have had sex because the corners of their eyes change shape.” WHAT????!! Granted, I was 16 at the time and HORRIFIED that this really could be a possibility. Even though, I still hadn’t done the nasty, I would constantly avoid looking my mother in the eye and it scared the crap out of me when she would literally sit across from me and study my eyes. After awhile, I even started staring into my friend’s eyes (the non-virgins) to see if the shape of their eyes looked any different than mine did. Pathetic? I think so.
Obviously, I grew up (debatable) and realized that my mother was just some crazy Iranian mother who KNEW that her seriously ridiculous threats would work on her impressionable, innocent (at the time) Persian daughter. But let’s be real, if we are going to claim that tampons take your virginity… what about when you are grinding up on some random at the club?
So for all you innocent Persian girls whose mothers claim that eating too much butter or holding hands with a boy (GOD FORBID) is going to take our virginity away… news flash: NOT TRUE. I’m not saying to go slut it up, I’m just saying… use the damn tampon. Share your crazy Persian mother stories with us at firstname.lastname@example.org– was your mom as insane as mine?