Bitch, You Make Me HURL

Hey joonjoons, 

Enough of this emotional crap.  Its time for a major reality check.  We all know how great it is to start a relationship with someone you’ve been pining after for weeks.  Those first kisses, staying up late talking, lots of sex, finishing each other’s sentences… (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little).

Bet the people studying didn’t think that was so cute…

I’m all about being excited about your new relationship with the hottie in your chem class (ok let’s be real, no hotties in chem class… let’s go with HISTORY class). BUT, just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you are completely excused from normal, respectful tendencies.

Case in point:

My best friend in college had just started a dating a new guy.  It was her first boyfriend in a… LONG time and she was so excited.  Don’t get me wrong, I was excited for her too- he was a NICE guy.  But then all of a sudden, he was at our apartment ALL THE DAMN TIME.  And we didn’t live in one of those nice, spacious apartments, we lived in a shithole where you could hear EVERYTHING from the other room.  He was eating everyone’s food, they were making baby noises at each other (NEVER OKAY) and no matter who was in the room with them, they acted like they were the only ones there.  Privacy was gone.  He was suddenly everywhere, yet he had his OWN place to live.

Even ^she agrees 

I understand that when you are dating someone, the world revolves around them (at least in the beginning) and its all sunshine and rainbows.  But here are some things to keep in mind:

1.  No, I don’t want to watch you guys stick your tongue down each other’s throat at the dinner table- whether it is at home OR at the fucking restaurant (NEVER OKAY).

2.  Yes, you should be able to bring your boyfriend to your home and spend the night… but EVERY NIGHT?!  It gets excessive ESPECIALLY if I’m stressed out with work or even finals.  He’s gotta home too- utilize that shit.

3.  Really, I’m TOTALLY fine NOT listening to your “inside jokes.”  No I don’t get it and I really don’t want to.

4.  If I’m single:  Respect that and don’t forget it.  There’s no reason to force me to come out with the two of you and then baby talk at each other throughout the entire night.  I’d much rather stay home and watch people baby talk on Gossip Girl.

Bet he’s thinking: SHOOT ME IN THE FACE

And last but not least:

5.  When you aren’t home, he shouldn’t be chillin’ at OUR home, lazying around on the couch, hogging the bathroom and shit.  It would be different if you guys had been: (a) dating for YEARS (somewhat okay), (b) he was visiting from out of town, (c) if he was setting up some bullshit surprise for you while you were in class.  But if his reasons don’t fit any of the categories above, then make sure he goes the fuck home before you leave the house.

I know it will take time to learn the balance between friend and boyfriend… hell it took me awhile.  But some things are just common sense.  NOTICE: I didn’t say “don’t ditch me on a Friday night.”  I’m completely cool hanging with the two of you… I’m only hating because if I have to hear another “aw baby-waby,” I will literally throw up in YOUR mouth.

So please, keep that shit to a minimum in public and behind closed doors: DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.  Until then:


Happy Humping,

Farrah فراه

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