Welcome to bitch-sesh.
For some of us (the lucky ones) the topic of marriage isn’t even mentioned in our household until after high school. Unless of course, you visit your grandmother in Iran and you have a new khastegar (suitor) every week… um sorry but that should really be called, “Hi, I’d like to use you for your visa.”
Regardless, for many of us- the best accomplishment we can achieve is not attending law school or medical school (that’s for the boys, didn’t you know?), but it’s to FIND a husband that IS in medical/law school. Someone who can take care of us while we stay at home or work part time (don’t forget, bachelor’s degree is still required)… AND take care of the precious children… AND have some type of delicious khoresht on the table when our money-making hubby gets home from work (yumm Fessenjoon).
This is where my family is different. Obviously, they put a huge emphasis on family — because that’s just how every Iranian rolls. But I was taught to be independent: go to school, get a job, go to grad school, be self sustainable ALL before getting married.
So you can imagine my surprise when all of my college friends (literally… 5/8 from our former drunk ass group) ended up getting married in their early 20s (shocker: none of them are Iranian). Don’t get me wrong- I was more than happy for them because that is what they wanted.
Until one says, “AWW don’t worry Farrah, you’ll find someone soon too.”
Excuse me? I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize that I had some sticker on my forehead that reads, “NEED. HUSBAND. NOW.”
Marriage, let alone having KIDS?! I’m good off that (for now), thank you. I’m still selfish enough where I don’t want to have to make compromises because of my family. I want to pursue my goals without the guilt of missing my daughter’s school play. (UGH- “my daughter-“ even that sounds gross).
Fact of the matter is, everyone is different. We all have different beliefs and needs. Whether I CHOOSE to get married now or later is MYdecision and I don’t deserve to be treated differently because of it.
Married people- whether they are Persian, White, Black- WHATEVER, instantly think that single people have this perpetual curse: “Oh she’s 25 and single?! Hmm badbakht…” They give you that so called “symPATHETIC” look when you say that you are in your TWENTIES and single.
“NO BITCH- IT’S MY CHOICE… I CHOOSE TO STAY SINGLE (or un-married) because I have OTHER priorities in my life.”
Since when did being self sustainable become SECONDARY to marriage? It definitely isn’t for men… and that just isn’t the way it should be for YOUNG WOMEN.
And boys- I bet you’re reading this thinking “girls are crazy when it comes to marriage” but we all know the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You know that as your friends start to get married, you panic too because let’s be real- no one wants to be that creepy 35 year old in the club sleazing on the young girls.
So to all you married beezies out there- I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU that you were able to find someone that not only, SUPPORTS but motivates you to be the best that you can be.
Truly, that’s a gift, but so is my job.
But while you think you have your life figured out- just remember that I AM NOT YOU– so save the fucking pity party invite.
And hey- worst case scenario- if I’m 40 (yes 40… not 25… or 35) and SINGLE, then all I gotta do is hit up my native country (Iran) and I’ll have my husband faster than you can count to 25 ;)
Are you single & proud? Or are you waiting for mr. right?
Single and Fabulously yours,