Out-Eat Me Baby

Hey joonjoons,

I’m just gonna go right out and say it: I hate when guys don’t eat. I know some of you are probably reading that last sentence, confused… don’t eat?  How is that even possible?  But unfortunately, its true: there is a small percentage of the male population who can’t finish their damn plate.

I’ve stopped dating two guys because they barely ate anything.  

You only look like that if you EAT

 My experiences involve a series of incidents with two guys where we went out to eat… and about halfway through their plate, they put their hand on their “food baby” and said, “Ahh I’m so full.”  What?!?! THAT’S IT?! One guy ordered a SALAD with steak… and took the rest of it home.

Not a big deal?  Sure.  But when they can’t finish the damn one scoop of ice cream… THAT’S where I draw the line. Didn’t your mama ever teach you to finish your plate? There are starving children in third world countries and you’re going to toss out the rest of your ice cream?  Are you fucking kidding me?

I won’t deny it.  I LOVE to eat… especially if I’m at a nice restaurant that serves delicious food… I would like to FINISH my plate.  How can I do that when my date khodesho naz mikone (acts like a pussy) and refuses to take just one last bite.  Do I have to spoon feed you and pretend like the spoon is an airplane just to get your ass to open your damn mouth and take one last bite?

Even this kid can feed himself (or herself?)

Worried about your girlish figure?  Well order something healthy.  Don’t have a big appetite?  Well … that’s your problem.  Pick a place that only serves salads (although, I’d probably judge you for that too) or pick something to do OTHER than going out to eat.

I’m not saying you should go overboard and eat like a monster:

THIS is overboard

But what the fuck is going on?!!?! I like it when my man can finish his damn cheeseburger and still has room to finish whatever is left on my plate.  This doesn’t mean I like fatties…

Maybe its a dominance thing.  I really hate when I have to be the “man” in the relationship whether it has to do with the fact that they CRY, or if they can’t stand up to me.  So when it comes to eating: the one thing that men are usually good at, and they can’t do it?  Well, its a turnoff. If I’m finishing MY plate and you’re not finishing yours?  I’ll probably never want to eat with you again.

“Baby let’s share, I’m watching my girlish figure,” HE says

I really can’t explain what it is.  Its just weird to me having grown up around these boys that eat everything in sight… and then actually being a GROWN-UP and being surrounded “MEN” who can’t even finish their damn salad.  I’m sorry but, when you don’t eat… it makes me  feel self conscious that I am finishing MY steak (and would probably be down to finish yours too).  Guys hate on US when we order salad or just get a small appetizer at dinner, but sadly, they’re now becoming the “starving child” in the relationship.

I’ll just leave you with this:

Real men finish their food and finish YOURS if you can’t.  

So here’s to finishing our entire plate of fessenjoon… and dating real men ;)





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  1. Was hoping that this read “eat me out baby”

  2. this reminds me of one episode of Seinfeld, so funny.


  1. […] about his diet.  I’ve already talked about the guy who doesn’t finish his food (click here)– that’s a turn-off for […]

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