I’m Sexy and I Know It

Hey joons,

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day- we thought it best to let our favorite male shit talker take the reins on this one. Give it up for James Bond as he attempts to seduce you with his sexy words on this day of “love” (*cough bullshit cough*).

Before I start, I’m just going to say one thing LOUD and clear:

Iranian girls are extremely sexy, if not THE hottest females in the world. 

Nose jobs and all

Now that THAT is out of the way… time for me to vent a little about my experiences being in relationships with Iranian girls (God help me).  All the Leilazzz, Shielazz and Niluzz, etc. have made me LOVE and HATE Persian girls.  When it comes down to having a relationship with an Iranian girl, I am always faced with this uncertainty… or hesitation if you will, as to whether or not I should go through with it.  And let me tell you why…

I’ve lived both inside and outside of Iran– and have had the wonderful yet stressful opportunity to date Iranian girls in all different countries. Let me tell you: Living outside of Iran, you will automatically be introduced to different cultures aka… DIFFERENT GIRLS and THANK GOD there are different girls other than Iranian girls– because then you FINALLY have the opportunity to experience girls who don’t nag as much, aren’t ridiculously jealous, materialistic, SPOILED and close-minded like many Iranian girls are (and by many– I mean MAJORITY- A HIGH PERCENTAGE of them are). Sorry- just keeping it real for my homies.

Persian girl’s motto (for real)

But even though, Iranian girls are fucking crazy sometimes, I must be a sick puppy — because I can’t help but LOVE THEM.  Despite their psycho, well-hidden (most of the time) personalities, there are somethings that Persian girls can do better than any other girl around. 



They know how to flirt.  Or better yet, they know how to grab your attention,” which in Farsi we say, “eshveh oomadan,” meaning, she really knows how to seduce you… otherwise known as FUCK WITH YOUR HEAD by using her female Persian girl power.  All she has to do is give you that look with her eyes… and say something in that soft-spoken voice. Its so easy for them to just stand there in front of you– show off their beautiful curves and create this PORTRAYAL of an “open invitation.”  Let’s be real– that shit ain’t open for nothing.  FUCKING TEASES.

Iranian girls know how to wear the look of elegance, sexy and simply irresistible– they show off a little, but leave a LOT for the imagination.

(Just keep in mind- that shit will be in your imagination for a looong fucking time).  

BUT, if you’ve learned anything from what I’ve been saying:

No matter how sexy or seductive Persian girls can be– there is always a part of them that is “naggy, jealous, materialistic, spoiled, close-minded, … I’m running out of adjectives…” and they keep that shit ON LOCK until they got you wrapped around their perfectly, manicured little finger.  SO BEWARE.


And before you think that there are exceptions… WELL there are… but those exceptions are never quite as sexy as the psychos.  But for fairness sake, let’s weigh the options:

Option 1:  

The crazy nagging, jealous Persian girl…

Option 2:

The not-as-cute, sweet, LOVING Persian girl…

I bet you’re surprised but I would definitely go with Option 2– not just because she has a great attitude, and likes you despite the fact that you don’t have a BMW— but no Persian girl is really “not-as-cute”– they ALL cute (minus unibrow chicks– thread that shit yo– you want US to manscape? Better make sure your shit is clean too).

Now, let’s hold hands and pray together:

Dear Lord, THANK YOU for creating Iranian girls as the lovely, sexy creatures that they are.  


I do have one request:

I have to deal with them a lot- if not on a daily basis, then AT LEAST on a weekly basis and I would just like for this: Please stop focusing on my car… or nagging at me because some random beez said what’s up to me.  Let these women be OPEN-MINDED.

She ain’t Persian, but she SHOULD be

Thank you :)

 So Happy Valentine’s Day bitches.  For all you Persian men out there– I hope you’re out tonight with a Persian girl, because if you do it JUST right, they might put out for you

and that psychoness isn’t JUST for nagging– its great in the sack…




JAMES BOND جیمز باند

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  1. What a stupid piece of bilge. You write like an ape, spell like an ape, clearly think like an ape. Although there may be a modicum of truth in what you attempt to say you are so clearly bereft of any ability to be diplomatic, erudite or knowing that it is entirely obscured by your blathering chatter. Making sweeping generalisations is your only talent. Iranian girls, like many are emotional. Iranian girls may be shallow and undeveloped emotionally but you ask none of the right questions as to why. You need to think about the wider culture, about inherited values, the psychology of Iranian fathers, advertising, media, socio-sexual and religious stigma, history and more. But instead you look at your own pimple-ridden experience and speak like an ape. Well done.

    • I think you’re taking this post a bit too seriously. The title and everything else here was obviously written in jest. Surely you can divine that. If you don’t find it particularly humorous/humourful (different dictionaries are giving me different information, since spelling in a blog post is an issue for you), then by all means keep trolling you troll.

  2. Khan Jamali says:

    i love & also like very much Iranian cuties

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