Hey joonie joons,
Shit’s about to get real dirty in a second.
But first, let me ask you this: Ever been with a guy… and he’s going to town down there… but nothing is happening? He’s just not getting the right spot, you’re getting kinda bored- kiiinda wishing the TV was on so you could at least be entertained as he attempts to get you off.
And what sucks even more is that you don’t know what kind of direction to give him before you dry up and get over it. Well I’m here to tell you this:
It’s okay. There’s a solution to everything.
SOLUTION TO BAD SEX?! IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? Yes.
I think my grandmother just turned in her grave. Oops.
Its simple really. No guy is going to be able to get you off if you don’t even know how to get YOURSELF off. And here’s why. Every girl is different. Yes we all have the same anatomy, but we like different things. Some girls like it when guys jack hammer them (frat boy style)… some girls just like it rough (Saaghi style)… and some love that sweet, sensual love making they only get once a month from their husbands (if they’re lucky). But it all comes down to this:
Everyone needs direction. Guys give us direction when we go down on them, so you can only expect that they’re going to need the same amount of help, IF NOT MORE, when they’re trying to please YOU.
My first time getting off was pretty unexpected. I was a junior in high school (don’t be jealous), and my boyfriend and I were making out… among other things… when suddenly, it started to feel kinda different down there. I’m not really sure what he was doing but, I didn’t know if I should say “Stop that feels weird,” or “Yeah baby, keep going.”
OBVIOUSLY, I decided to just keep my mouth shut and then the waterfall hit. And it felt fucking great… but COMPLETELY unexpected and I kinda freaked out. So I snapped out of it within 10 seconds.
That was stupid.
You should be experienced enough to know what is going on down there- ESPECIALLY when you’re about to get hit hard (with an orgasm)… otherwise the whole hook-up is pretty anti-climactic (pun intended).
No one wants to scare their orgasm away.
(like I did)
And by experienced, I don’t mean that you should hook up with an endless reel of guys- that’s just trashy- we’re Persian– we don’t do trashy.
The secret to a great orgasm is masturbating. If you expect a man to be able to get it right, then you better be able to SHOW them how. And unlike what most of our mothers say, masturbating is not disgusting, nor is it a sin.
It was after my fateful orgasm surprise that I realized it was time to poke around down there. And it took awhile before I got it. Plus, living in a Persian household doesn’t often leave room for much privacy. Thank god for showers… (if you catch my drift). But after my orgasm slip-up, no one was able to give me another orgasm until COLLEGE. And even then- I had to give direction.
NEWS FLASH: GUYS LIKE DIRECTION… BECAUSE THEY NEED IT.
Now, before you freak out about the idea of using a VIBRATOR- just know there are always other options. I get it- you don’t want to stick something in that is… fake…. “might break your hymen,” or simply: just loosen you up. Take it from someone who’s never used a vibrator before (only because the one I ordered didn’t work… jk). But also keep in mind, you don’t exactly have to stick it IN for it to get the job done.
Ever heard of a shower head? Just turn the faucet on and lay the fuck down. But once you hit that point of ecstasy, its time to learn how to do it yourself because you kinda need to before you can expect to give any good directions. You can’t exactly tell a guy to turn on the water.
Trust me, there have been times where the guy spent an hour down there and ALL I wanted was a fucking newspaper to help pass the time. That’s never enjoyable… for either person.
So Persian or not,
masturbating is natural, its not gross or shameful.
We’re sexual beings. We’re going to get cravings, and when we’re single, I’m going to go ahead and say its better to get yourself off than have a different guy in your bed every night. Not cute.
ONE MORE THING:
Orgasms are for everyone. Just because you’ve never had one before DOESN’T mean you never will.
Like my Irooni mother always says, “PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.” Even though I’m pretty sure she was referring to piano… rather than getting myself off. Who knew her advice could be so versatile?
Here’s to personal hygiene,